Dh going to uni aged 58 - worried about money!

[Meowsmol]

Dh had to stop working 3 years ago due to a disability, FND. He was high up in IT but can't do it as his hands don't work properly anymore.
He now wants to do a psychology degree looking at neurodiversity. he's thinking about some sort of business/ coaching thing.
He called me today to tell me he's been accepted onto the course and they'll help him with student finance.
We have 2 children 1 in last year of college in sept so looking at 2026 uni. She wants to do forensics and biomedical science. So will need a fee loan and maintenance loan.
Ds is starting college in September for a level.
I'm the only one working. Dh gets pip. But I can't see how we can make this happen.
We rent and my dm has recently been diagnosed with dementia and df has mobility issues.
My brain is broken.

So he can walk dogs, be left on his own , ( despite having seizures) clean the house, cook etc...yet his FND prevents him working and he gets PIP.... But now says he's capable of doing a full-time degree...really OP...I think he's taking the piss.
He's not not working due to a disability...he took early retirement and has left you to pick up all the financial responsibility.
It would be a hard no I'm.not supporting you from me...go get a job.

The very last thing he should be doing is a degree. At his age he needs to be working and not studying something that will not bring in any income at all in the future. You must feel like you are carrying a tremendous burden. How old are you?

A degree will cost him three years and tens of thousands of pounds. It will take him into his sixties. What makes him think he will be more employable then than now?

You know it is okay for you to say I'm not prepared to fund that?

Sorry, Op but I think that your dh is being selfish.
He has made the decision to attend university without discussion.
How is he going to cope with the numerous assignments if he has issues with his hands.?
You really need to sit down with both him and your daughter
Your daughter will need to get a Summer job and a term time job .

It’s not fair on your DC to do this now.

Are you sure about the 5k? Dd got the full amount plus extras because I was the only one working and her brother was on DLA

What does he mean that they are helping with student finance for him @Meowsmol

If he wants to be a coach then he should sign up for a coaching course rather than a Psychology degree, which doesn’t really qualify you for any particular job – it just sets you up to do further training (eg PhD to become a clinical psychologist). He should look into coaching specifically if that’s what he wants to do.

If it’s just a vanity thing, then he should rethink and maybe just do some kind of short course. University degrees are very challenging and not always fun.

Christ, does he really want to be in lectures at Uni with people who are 30 years younger than him? Not turning up and when they do, not being arsed about being there? Doing group presentations and ending up doing the bulk of the work as he's older and they'll leave it all to him?

Not saying all teenagers are like this but working in a University, I wouldn't be surprised...

How can he do a degree if he can’t work due to his fine motor skills? Why doesn’t he have a pension at 58?

Your DH is being selfish. He’ll be in his sixities when it’s finished! What makes him think he’ll be employable with no experience in his 60s?
im not sure how if he can be left alone & walk the dogs, clean the house etc that he’s not capable of getting a job? Obviously he is and he’s taking the piss out of you.

I would be extremely surprised if my 59 year old dp wanted to do a degree with a view to professional impact I have to say (he would like to do a Masters for pleasure in retirement which is obviously different).

Is he already volunteering with some form of neurodiversity organisation? Has he been recently diagnosed himself, or has someone in the family?

I can see that your dp has had a really tough time, that he's had to adjust to disability, and i do admire him for doing something positive. It is true that the PIP should continue I think, you'll also get the council tax discount if he's a student, would that be new? And as others say, he may get additional funding as a disabled student. Has your dd definitely got that 5k gap, or are you awaiting confirmation of finance?

Do you have any siblings who are sharing the load with your parents? Is your dp any help with them? Has he said how he will continue to give that support? Do cone over to the Elderly Parents board if you're not there already.

I'm going to say that it could be OK. And it will definitely mean a lot to him if you don't just dismiss it (speaking as someone who retrained at 40). But he doesn't get to just ignore the household budget discussions.

Also if pip find out he’s doing all of that & being left alone then they’ll stop it.

He is BVVU. He sounds like he needs occupying, what advice has he taken about work which would use his existing skills,
surely in IT of all places there is technology to overcome his disability?

He will not be able to make a living with what he proposes so it’s basically a recreational interest. Like any hobby, he needs to have a paying job which will fund it.

Your dh is being selfish!

You need to sit him down and go through all what's been mentioned on this thread.
Write down a list of questions and go through them and if his answers are all wishy washy which we all highly suspect they will be, then I'd be telling him that if can do a degree, he can work instead.

Ask him to do a budget breakdown. He knows what you earn. He knows the outgoings. You can detail the costs for your dd and ds for the next 5 years.

ask him where is the money to pay for his fees.

where is the money for the next 5 years. Get him to find it in your budget

The degree for DH aside (and I understand his wish to retrain to something more suitable, but also can see this might not be the best way)...In relation to your children, can they not help save up some of the costs for their degree?
If they take a gap year and work they could easily save up a decent slice of the costs, and they also could by working during university too

Same applies to DH, if he can walk your dogs, could he do some work dog sitting /dog walking for others to raise extra money (for instance)?

OP from what you have said there may be a better way to go.

Taking a psychology course isn’t necessary to become a business coach - there are specific qualifications for that - ILM Level 5 and 7 for example.

Sure thats still expensive but no where near what a degree would cost.

Im sure taking a psychology degree would be very interesting and needed for further academia and to become a psychologist etc but not if he wants to become a coach.

I think he needs to look into this more.

I'd suggest sitting down with DH and going through all the financial implications.

He may get a student loan to cover the cost of the fees. Unless he earns more than 21k (I believe this may have increased), then he won't have to pay anything back?

As for the PIP would him attending uni as a student affect that? Is it enough to cover his side of your joint COL?

What your DD or eventually DS does is a separate thing really.
Whatever student fees or maintenance loans they each may get (for themselves, wherever they are living - you might charge them board, or not?) would be down to them to pay back once they start to earn a decent salary, surely?

Most uni students have to get PT work to bump up their living costs anyway?

Have the conversation with DH so he understands what it would mean for you all.

Kindly @Meowsmol you need to sit down and map the finances out with your husband.

I am a freelance consultant and with over 15 years experience coaching senior executives across all sorts of industries. I could not make a living alone from coaching. My toolkit includes strategy development, organisational redesign, government advisory and more. I do the coaching as an add on, not as a main earner. In thr lat 80/90s there were a host of "celebrity" coaches out there doing their thing and getting paid large amounts of money for it. But the market is so saturated and most of it is noise that it is very difficult to make a living just out of coaching. And to get the big contracts you need more in your "client offer" and some proper industry links. It also requires ongoing professional development and costs associated with that.

Finally. He doesn't need a degree to do the sort of work he is proposing. There are plenty of practical high quality courses which cost a fraction of a degree and which carry as much, if not more, industry clout. He would be better focusing on those to start with in terms of testing the market. And - equally - if he wants to do more in the business space, then the OU and other universities offer modular distance learning which can be paid for over time. At his age, it is his loved experience which carries more weight. Not his education. And a good career coach would help him work through this.

In other words, there are much more cost effective routes to get where he wants to be without selling the family silver.

I assume your DH was contractor or self-employed if he doesn’t have a pension because if he was employed and working in a senior IT position, he should have a pretty heavy pension pot by late 50’s.

This sounds like utter madness and he’s being completely selfish. He should be getting a job, not swanning off to university. If you can walk the dogs twice a day and clean the house there’s a job out there for him. It might not be what he wants to do, but tough shit. Honestly OP, I really do think you might be best off reassessing your living arrangements as it sounds like you’re going to be carrying him for the next 40 years.

YANBU. I would say your DH needs some therapy. It is odd to want to do this at the same time your DD needs the support. I would say it is ego driven due to your DH's condition and a midlife/late life crisis.

I would approach it sensitively and think of other solutions with your DH. Also AI is predicted to take 50% of white collar jobs in the next 3-5 years so it really would be a vanity project.

I am sure if you ask AI to coach your DH they will come up with a plan and solution for you DH.

Thing is the degree isn’t going to cost anything, he’ll get student finance which he’ll never pay back because of his age. If he’s not working now the only impact on the family’s finances will be that he won’t pay council tax, that’s a win. If you’ve survived without him earning anything for three years I can’t see the difference.

He’s a self indulgent twat.

But if he is able to study for a degree there may well be jobs he can do now?