Dh going to uni aged 58 - worried about money!

[Meowsmol]

Dh had to stop working 3 years ago due to a disability, FND. He was high up in IT but can't do it as his hands don't work properly anymore.
He now wants to do a psychology degree looking at neurodiversity. he's thinking about some sort of business/ coaching thing.
He called me today to tell me he's been accepted onto the course and they'll help him with student finance.
We have 2 children 1 in last year of college in sept so looking at 2026 uni. She wants to do forensics and biomedical science. So will need a fee loan and maintenance loan.
Ds is starting college in September for a level.
I'm the only one working. Dh gets pip. But I can't see how we can make this happen.
We rent and my dm has recently been diagnosed with dementia and df has mobility issues.
My brain is broken.

So he's got a brain disese that means his hands tremor and he has seizures - yet you think he's 'taking the piss' and a 'manchild'.

How would you cope with such disabilities?

I've gone through some of the replies here and I really can't believe how ignorant some of them are.

OP's husband has a brain illness that gives him seizures and makes his body shake. He can't hold down the senior job he once held. But presumeably his illness now also means nothing involving a computer. No driving. No caring roles.

Does that mean there are no jobs whatsover he could do? Maybe not, but I'm not going to blame someone in his position for not working. Many people do not work with far less wrong with them.

Yet the responses here? 'Selfish'. 'Self-indulgent twat'. 'Manchild'. 'Tough shit'.

The attitude to disabled people completely stinks.

Check out jobs at civil service or local supermarkets. Money is what's needed. The older DC could be getting a part time job too.

@EcoChica1980 I'm sorry you feel that way but I really don't see it that way - I see posters merely saying if he is capable of working, he should be.

If he is OK to walk dogs twice a day, clean the house and be left alone for the whole day, then there will be some sort of work he can manage even if it's just a couple of half days a week, dog walking, light admin, virtual PA . It might not be desk based earning mega bucks but any adult of working age who is capable of working, should be bloody working to the best of their abilities. No one is saying he might not need topping up with benefits and presumably there might be times he can't work (which is when benefits should be far easier to increase/decrease) but right now, he needs to be bringing in money not spending it on pipedreams.

Sorry @Meowsmol but I think calling it a vanity project is really unfair.

He is obviously trying to look at ways he can get back into work. And whilst this may not be the right route for you as a family it is highly unkind to dismiss it in those terms.

With degrees at present, even able-bodied 20 year olds should be strongly considering if they're actually worth the time and effort and opportunity cost!

Universities are desperate for fees so they are giving the hard sell on a lot of courses with pipe dreams of guaranteed 60k jobs at the end....then they'll do a hard sell on a cash cow Masters degree....Acceptance means nothing.

It's genuinely frightening and horrifying and unethical seeing how vulnerable people who can't afford it (quite often ND or with MH issues or from underprivileged backgrounds) are being coerced into pursuing their "intellectual dreams" and screwing up their financial future.

There's so much out there online, if you're interested in X topic you could find numerous free high level resources or online discussion groups.

I met someone who had the normal student loan debt, had paid for a Masters, and was also self-funding an "interesting" PhD with loans and working part time at minimum wage.

No-one at the universities had stopped to say that this maybe wasn't the best course of action for her in the long term? And this situation is very, very common.

They aren't 'merely saying' anything - they are throwing insults at a person who isn't working because they have a diagnosed neurological disorder.

I hope you or anyone close to you never has to face these problems - much less when the world is full of people who think those with disabilities are selfish unless they work.

I met someone who had the normal student loan debt, had paid for a Masters, and was also self-funding an "interesting" PhD with loans and working part time at minimum wage.

That’s a perfectly reasonable choice, presumably they weren’t asking you to fund it?

No-one at the universities had stopped to say that this maybe wasn't the best course of action for her in the long term? And this situation is very, very common.

She’s an adult, isn’t she, so can make her own decisions? I’m doing my third degree (paid for with a student loan). I’ve still got student loan debt from my Masters. I’ll never pay it all off and I couldn’t care less. The instalments every month aren’t exactly onerous, so it’s all good.

So your h retired at 55 but didn’t pay into a personal pension while he worked?

You should prioritise your dc and uni for them.

Is it realistic for your h to do a degree at vast cost at 58? What will he do with it afterwards? It doesn’t sound like you can afford it.

You need to sit down with your h and work out your finances. It’s not fair for you to support your h and dc though uni. Look after yourself too.

I disagree.
I have a serious illness/disability. I understand the obstacles.

But if he is capable of walking the dog, doing most of the cleaning and undertaking university degree then he is substantially less disabled than me and I work full time

If he can't use computers how does he propose to do a degree?

I normally have a huge amount of sympathy for disabled people but none of op's husbands approach makes sense.

If he's well enough to do a full time degree then he's well enough to work at least part time

How old are you?

You are carrying everything for everyone and the menopause is/is going to hit. You will be absolutely broken soon.

Your DH can enrol on a MOOC if he wants to learn. A uni degree isn't appropriate under the circumstances you describe.

No they are throwing insults at a man who isn't working but could and should. Being diagnosed with a neurological disorder or indeed any other condition doesn't suddenly render you incapable of working. Of course it may do in which case I don't think anyone would argue against entitlement to full and sufficient support financial and for anything else needed to make life comfortable. However, nothing the op has said suggests this is the case with her OH. Sure he can't do his old job and I'm sure many other jobs will be out of reach too, but he can do some sort of work and if his wife is at breaking point, he bloody well should be prioritising that not fanciful dreams of going back to uni.

I must admit this would piss me off ... Why does he need to go to University at 58? Am I missing something? What is the point of a degree at that age? He will be in his early 60s by the time he finishes it.

I know several people who did a degree in their mid to late 40s, and thought they could swan into a £60K a year job, but they are doing minimum pay jobs alongside people who have barely got any qualifications. One woman is a carer. Not dissing that job, but you generally don't need any qualifications for it, and most people would get a job as a carer with no experience either. So, I'm not being funny, but in his early 60s, he'll be lucky to get a job at all. Even with a degree.

I would find what he's doing hugely irresponsible, and would quite honestly be questioning the relationship. Is he normally so frivolous with money, and does he always put himself first @Meowsmol ?

I don't understand why people are focusing on the cost of the degree. It likely won't cost him anything and he will probably get a maintenance loan which will bring in more than he currently earns, which is nothing. Do check that the final year will be funded tho, as he will be over 60.

The degree won't get him a job, but the loan will provide income which he is very unlikely to have yo pay back

It unlikely he will ever pay back the loan - I think he can comfortably max out the loan.

The question I would have - how realistic or feasible is it for him to return to work. If he is unlikely to return to work then, I don't think it will impact the family too much.

He can do a coaching course without a psychology. He would be better off doing a counselling/therapy course. However, there is a lot competition for jobs.

• TBH, i thiink the seizures would make it difficult for him to find employmenet.
• Using is mandatory in most jobs - I think he will struggle with find employment.

FND seizures are unpredictable. I think he would have more barriers that a person with epileptic seizures as they can potentially be controlled with medication.

Surely your husband has his pension- 58 and a medical disability?

The field of psychology is EXTREMELY competitive. It takes years to qualify and then the job market is even worse. Has he thought of doing an OU degree? It's obvious you can not afford for him to do this right now.

How does he propose to get through the degree then, and use it at the other end.

If you can do a degree it's very likely you can work

You keep saying this but you can only work if someone will give you a job. Hard to get at a job at 58, hard to get one if you’ve been out of work for three years, hard to get one if you have seizures. Any one of those is a reason not to employ you - add them all together and you’re essentially unemployable.

So at the moment he is not bringing in any income? He will be eligible for student loans which he only has to repay if he ever earns over the £26k threshold (one covers fees, the other covers maintenance) threshold, he will likely also be eligible for DSA (new laptop, software, lots of other stuff) and at the end of this he may be able to start a new career that could bring a decent income?

TBH I think you need to be open to the idea provided it does not impact any benefits you are already getting - I would schedule a call/meeting with Citizen’s advice to discuss what the benefits implications are for you, if any, so you can make an informed choice. As a FT student the timetable tends to be arranged so that students do 15-16hours of face to face per week, usually over two days, leaving the other three days free for ‘study’ and PT work [or to help with childcare]; additionally the terms/semesters are generally short when it comes to the teaching schedule, so often only 10 x 2 weeks (ie he may only be present in uni/college 40 days over the course of each year - ie around the other 315 days a year to help with kids/supporting you with your mother). He can check out the timetabling/amount of face to face teaching by speaking to the department. They are very willing to talk to mature students/parents about practical issues - I was able to swap module groups on the basis they scheduled classes at 5-7pm on a Monday and I had childcare commitments during my MA.

So, if the choice is him languishing at home, not working (or likely to in IT) nor bringing in any income; OR upskilling/retraining and (assuming it has no immediate adverse impact on household finances after student loans) potential to get him back into work, I’d be open to it?

It is unfair to expect you to support them all- your DH should defer until your children have finished uni- also your DH absolutely does not need a degree to have a coaching business- I'm not sure a first degree would really help, then you are into PHD territory and you will be supporting everyone for the rest of your natural life.
I know no one wants to hear this, but a degree rarely helps you get a decent job.

Agree.

Has he investigated the online world at all? If he were to start an account with a carefully identified niche interest and a solid presentation plan, he might well end up earning more via his account than he ever would seeing people in person, and with no need to spend three years slogging away at considerable cost to earn a degree.