Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Does anyone know of anyone who got pg in their 50s?

No, of course not if your fit & well. I know many women in their mid 40s who became pregant naturally. You will be in your 60s by the time the child is an adult. That's still relatively young.The only disadvantage I can think of is probably not getting the chance to be a young grandmother. Having grandchildren is absolutely within the realms of possibility though.

Too old. There’s a reason why it’s hard to get pregnant and even harder to carry to full term at that age: your eggs are not in good condition. Any child you do have has a high risk of disability. Please don’t go into this with rose-tinted spectacles. Unless you are prepared to spend the rest of your life caring for a disabled child, please don’t take the risk.

Yes you are far too old - where is your concern for the child in this? When they go off to uni you’ll be a pensioner. Risks of disability and miscarriage soar from early 40s- and having a child at any age is exhausting - you cannot conceive of how much the sleep deprivation will wreck you.

And please don’t anyone come on and suggest “donor” eggs - bringing a donor conceived ch Is in to the world has huge societal and ethical implications, as well as being unfair on the young women who are preyed on by fertility clinics (as young as 18!) to “donate” their eggs (for £985, I might add).

If you get pregnant naturally go in to it with your eyes wide open. But in your shoes I’d just enjoy having met a nice partner and focus on your lives as a couple.

Personally I would look at adoption.

As someone who tried relentlessly between the ages of 34 and 40 (and ruined my marriage in the process), I'd say don't do it. You are too old, it wouldn't be fair on any child and it almost certainly won't work anyway which will absolutely mess with your head. Sorry.

Enjoy your time with your man. He sounds lovely.

Christ, yes. Too old and extremely selfish.

I had my first at 38 and my second at 45. I’m definitely feeling it in my body more second time but I have no regrets. There’s plenty of mums in their mid 40s at the school gates in primary.

I would agree that you should consider the possibility of additional needs. My first has complex SEN but looking at my local SEN network the mums are a wide range of ages and I don’t think you manage much better in your 20s than you do in your late 40s.

This, and it's sad that the wellbeing of the child is always one of the lowest considerations on these threads.

As a child/young adult it ages you before your time. You have to deal with worries that your peers don't have to, caring burdens before your time, and ultimately losing your parents at a relatively young age. It's not easy.

It will be hard to get pregnant but go for it!

I do. My DH's mother. She was dead by the time he was 12, and it fucked him up good and proper, because his father was much, much older, needed 24hr care (by him as there was no one else) and died just before he did his GCSEs, leaving him homeless and with no qualifications.

I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been covered over previous posts.

As a 56 year old now and seeing how dhs and my health and energy has changed in the last 10 years (especially for women, menopause is a bitch) I would put the needs of the planned child first and for me it would be a very sad no I wouldn't start trying for a baby at 46.

@Thebirdsang I had my first at 43 and my second when I was nearly 48. They are both very healthy, highly intelligent, beautiful kids.

I am very much enjoying their company, at now 13 and 17, and we all go to festivals together etc.

I also got married late and we didn't know if we would have kids, but were lucky to have natural conceptions. I did also have 3 miscarriages sadly.

Go for it, but I’d keep your expectations very realistic about the chances.

I was also thinking of Emma Kenny and Victoria Coren Mitchell, as well as Tana Ramsay. All late 40s / early 50s.

My parents had me at 46 and 47 and I couldn't have wished for better parents. I was a surprise after 14 years of trying. When I was younger, they seemed terribly old-fashioned compared to my friends' parents, but I don't think that would be as much of an issue these days. The only thing I'd change is that I lost them relatively young - my mum at 33, my dad at 46.

40 here in the final weeks of a second pregnancy and feel I’m too old! So yes I think it is, sorry. I know people have kids older these days and there will be those who had kids in their teens/20s that will say 35 + is too old. But honestly the older you get, the harder it is on your body. I really feel the difference through this 39/40 pregnancy than I did at 36/37.

Even if you were successful straight away you would have a 3 year old at 50 and be going through the teenage years in your 60s. Also a massively increased chance of some kind of SEN and you’d be at the age of needing care yourself by the time they are 40-ish.

These are just facts. My personal opinion is that I just wouldn’t risk it.

My friend had her first baby at 48 years old, via IVF. I'd say you're not too old but there is a lot more to consider.

I would let nature tell you. Start considering it and taking folic acid and see what happens. Yes, you will find the early years knackering, but your partner sounds like he will do his part and child rearing will be a shared job. There is a higher risk of the baby having certain conditions but take guidance from your doctor. You should not reject the chance of having a family just because other people tell you you are too old. Having a family should happen when you find yourself in a place where you want a child, which should not be age dependent.

See a trusted medical professional and get an unbiased opinion. Also get a full medical assessment at the same time, if you haven't had one recently.

I'm your age, and physically I think I could do pregnancy and birth absolutely fine, but I'd be far more worried about beyond that. I've got 3 kids (two in thier 20s and one 10 year old), I've also always worked full time, so I know what's involved. The whole pre school upto KS1 stage is gruelling, then you get the lovely golden ages of 5-10 and you'll want to be really involved (not working). Then in their pre-teen & teenage years they'll need you more than you realise, and youll have to be absolutely on it. What I'm saying is, if I had to do it again at this age, I'd not be able to keep up with what's required, and work. It nearly finished me when I was much younger, I'd never be able to do it now. Don't embark on it unless you're able to stop work (or both go part time and share patenting) and have enough pension.

I don’t know anyone personally, but there are a few in the public eye who have: Emma Kenny, Victoria Coren Mitchell, Tana Ramsay, Janet Jackson.

OP is not in her 50s, however.

It is far too old in my opinion. When I am 46 my eldest will be 23 and my youngest will be 19. The thought of parenting starting at 46 actually makes my blood run cold.
Of course you will be fine parenting a gorgeous snuggly baby at 46/47 but then before you know it they are tantruming toddlers, then you get all of the school dramas-worrying if they have friends or catastrophising if they don't get an invite to Billies birthday party.
Once you make it through that they go to high-school, buckle up because that can be one hell of a ride. Then they leave school and start becoming more independent and you think 'hallelujah, the worst is over' but you would be very wrong! Now starts the very late nights, plans you know nothing about with people you have never heard of, you can't show them how stressful you find it as they are naturally spreading their wings.
Would I want to deal with all of that in my 50/60's.....absolutely bloody not! I intend to be on a cruise enjoying life.

The odds are against you so go into it with realistic expectations. I had my last one at almost 42 & her dad was 48. Said kid is at uni and planning to travel the world before embarking on working life. Never been embarrassed by her parents (well no more than any other kid at 13/14. Does fun stuff with us all the time. If you really want a child, take your prenatal vitamins, stop drinking, throw out your contraception and see what happens. Maybe give it a year? I love being a mum but the freedom of being child free is not to be sniffed at. Plus you get to keep all your money. Kids are ruinously expensive!

Hi OP
I don't think 46 is too old, but your fertility may be the stumbling block. Fertility drops steeply - there is only a small chance of natural conception if you try for a year in your late 40s. But all is not lost - there are other ways to parenthood. You might want to consider donor eggs, embryo donation or adoption. I know someone who never met the right man, had a baby with donor eggs in her late 40's and has an adorable toddler. In the last 10 - 20 years the use of donor eggs has really improved the chances of being an older mother - I think Cher had a baby in her 50's - it must have been donor eggs. Children born from donation are generally happy and well adjusted from my research. I know this because my son's girlfriend has a genetic condition she does not wish to pass on and I did some research about it.