Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

It is obvious that you didn't have a childhood like mine, as my major requirement in a husband and potential father was to be my age, and he is indeed 6 months younger than me.

Believe me when I say there is no 'snap judgement' in enduring over a decade of my father's terminal illness. The having to leave school to come home and make his lunch, the constant screaming as he was in so much pain, the ringing the Dr as my mum left me to it and I didn't know what to do, the ruined life because I failed my a-levels and the school didn't believe how bad things were because my mother never mentioned it. From age 6 or 7 to age 18. All because a silly woman thought she was grown up and sophisticated by allowing herself to be groomed by a bloke one step above a paedophile. So absolutely you're silly and the bloke who is with someone who is young enough to be his daughter is selfish. I hope that clarifies what most sensible people with a decent moral code are thinking.

Everybody walks their own path in life. If you want kids, have kids. The oldest person in the UK to conceive naturally was 58 and people have had IVF older than that! Not saying that’s great but what I am saying is you do you. You can have illnesses or die at any age. Yes odds increase etc etc but so many defy all odds too. You will never know what your story will be unless you try but you can guarantee that your child will be loved and wanted, which is worth so much. There will be so many opinions of people would or wouldn’t and why but everyone makes their own decisions. I wouldn’t have wanted kids at 16 but I have friends who did and are fantastic mothers. I had 2 in my early 20s and then my 3rd at 37 and now just had my 4th just before my 45th birthday. 3 and 4 were surprises and 4th a definite shock but you know what I wouldn’t change a thing and am definitely up to being a good mother still, despite what my younger self would have said then about having kids in my 40s. There is no right answer just what you do. Good luck and I wish you well whatever you decide.

I was 41 and 45 when I had my DC. Do what’s right for you. You’re better not asking on here because the posters who think it’s too old can be quite abrasive when expressing their views. It’s your life. Good luck

what is your vitality age / not biological age. are you looking after yourselves so you can be around longer for your child?

I think it's too old to have a baby, yes.

Even if you got pregnant right away (which is unlikely) you'd be 47 when you had the baby, so over 50 with a reception child, and heading towards seventy once they are a teenager. I'd question if you'd be on a position to give a child the care that's ideal for them at those ages.

I had my second at 42, other friend the same. Another one got pregnant at 45 naturally. Everyone's happy. Just don't hang around!

Why so? You have literally no idea about their circumstances. She could be rich with a massive family to help. Such a judgy comment.

My general advice is: if you are pregnant, go for it. If you are not, don't plan.
I had my youngest at 41, a surprise that I accepted with gratitude, but I have seen too many people who planned a baby after 40 and are bringing up children with serious health conditions.
I would adopt.

Heading toward seventy when they are a teenager @Stompythedinosaur ? My DS was born when I was 45 and he's now 16. I am definitely not "heading to seventy", I am only 61!

Put things in God’s hands. Use no contraception and if it’s meant to be, it will happen. I’m mid 30’s and my mum had me at 43 and my brother at 47 naturally. I noticed all my life my parents being older but you know, we were more financially stable than other families which had a lot of benefits and I have had friends lose parents in their 50’s. You can’t predict the future, you could be ill. You could be the fittest person ever in your 90’s. Go for it!!! A child with happy soulmate parents would be a lucky child. Oh and I have no developmental or learning difficulties so people exaggerate the associated risk in my opinion. Family and friends ruined my mums pregnancy with me telling her the risks constantly.

I’d say that’s quite old, more risks. I was geriatric having my second at 37. You’re looking at approx. 2 years TTC at that age. So by the time baby comes along if successful you’ll be almost 50. Also you never know what health concerns are round the corner. Can you put plans in place for someone else to take over care of your child should the worst happen? Those are the things I’d be thinking about.

I say go for it, of course you don’t know what’s round the corner but no one does. Everyone who is saying that it will be awful for the child as you won’t have long with them etc etc.
My Mum had me at 30 and died at 38. Having children younger doesn’t mean you’ll be around to see them grow up.
What a child needs is to know they are loved unconditionally.

When your child is 5, you will be over 50!
Chances are you not going to get pregnant anyway.

Def proceed with your remaining embryos or else what will happen to them

they defrost /die
use for medical science
donate to someone

it took 5 costly ivf to have my one and only bfp. She is now 8. I was almost 44 when ivf finally worked

Ditto

Exactly,yet there are posters who totally refuse to believe this🤔

If you can get pregnant without assistance then it definitely isn’t too old!

Well it might be if there’s a miscarriage or a severe disability

The chances are that most of your eggs won't be viable but if you are prepared to go through possible miscarriage and higher risks - go for it. Similarly shouldering possible IVF costs.

And If you don't have it already then talk out health and life insurance now.

That's not meant in anyway to sound negative.

Im 45 and have a health condition that might get worse if I got pregnant (like a major organ might fail). It's not a risk I can take as I dont have the financial means for that scenario, nor would I want to put that on a partner (who I don't currently have).

I’m 47 and my youngest DC is two months old. It was a spontaneous and planned pregnancy but at that age it took us a long time to conceive and I had several miscarriages. I am also very fit, I train regularly and hike nearly every day with the little one in the carrier. I sailed through this pregnancy without any issues, had very easy uncomplicated birth and I am coping with lack of sleep quite well, but we (the whole family) have always been sporty and active.

What an inspirational post for older mothers of young babies. Congratulations 😁

I’d say you are close to the point where it wouldn’t be responsible to have a child, but not quite there yet. By the time your 50s, it’s really getting too late and I’d be concerned about having dependent children as you approach 70.

However if this is something you really want, you’d actually be unreasonable to just start trying to conceive the normal way.

You need to see a fertility specialist as soon as possible (privately most likely if you’re in the UK). IVF is probably the only way you will conceive. You should also think about donor eggs, as you will have very low success rates doing IVF with your own eggs at 46.

IMO no. I'm currently 30w pregnant at 45yo. I will be nearly 46 when I deliver.

This is my third child and second IVF baby. I couldn't have my first baby until I was 36yo.

I would do IVF with genetic screening and the NIPT to hopefully avoid any serious defects with the baby. It does help that your partner is younger. First step is a sperm analysis though. Without good sperm, your chances diminish significantly, whether you are trying naturally, with IUI, or IVF. With IVF they can improve the sperm but only so much.

I would get onto this pronto though, you don't have time to waste.

Reply to me if you want any further details. I have been through 7 rounds of IVF and 11 transfers to get my two children.

Tagging my message in case you don't see it. @Thebirdsang

Think about it carefully because ivf as
46 is going to be brutal. Emotionally brutal