Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, if you both want a baby go for it. I was 40 when I had my first and 44 when I had my second. I have no regrets at all. I would have had a third but we didn’t have any bedrooms left and we couldn’t afford anywhere bigger.

Absolutely not true. My hormones played a trick on me as I was approaching 40 and I was suddenly desparate for a baby. It didn't happen for me and now at 46 I am immensly happy I don't have a 6 year old. Plenty of people also regret babies you have had, especially if they have severe disabilities.

I'd say it was too old. The chances of serious problems are high. And chances of conceiving not great. I don't think it would be wise.

My mum had me at 45. I was her third. I am now 46 and she is 90. She never seemed like an “older” mum whilst I was growing up although she did have pretty old fashioned values…. But that could happen at any age? I think you should go for it. I would far rather know a baby was being born to an older mother who was mature enough for the responsibility and had spent time thinking if it was the right thing to do, than someone much younger with zero maturity. And honestly, who cares what anyone thinks. If you can love a child and provide for them then what does age matter. Good luck.

Getting pregnant might be possible but the hard work happens when the babys here. Nothing can prepare you for their arrival..its not easy physically or mentally. I was late 30s & wish I had started earlier. However nobody on here can tell you what's right for you... that's a choice you'll have to make yourselves.

Also you can be a loan child. I worry about this for my DD when I’m older and she has to deal without a sibling for support… tho appreciate that’s controversial !

Yes I would say no. Both my parents were old parents and died when I was young. No one talks about that enough when being an older parent

I know someone who got pregnant naturally at age 48. It’s worth a try.

I think it's borderline whether you are too old or not. I had my second child at 44. If you are healthy and fit, and if you are prepared to accept the increased risk of a child with additional needs, I think it's up to you. You could do a pre-conceptual care programme like this one.
https://www.drmyhill.co.uk/wiki/How_to_ensure_a_healthy_baby_-_the_Foresight_approach
This has been shown to maximise fertility and minimise the chance of problems with the baby.

I think if you don’t try you’ll regret it. As others have said at your age it won’t be easy but you never know! You might be super fertile and it happens with little bother. Def an increase likelihood of issues in pregnancy and with the baby but just look at Amanda Byram.. first baby at 49 and pregnant at 51, but that is ivf I think. Good luck with what you decide!

But the thing is, that you cannot decide at 46 that you would like to go back and have your children when you are 10 years younger, at 36, say.

The options are to have children belatedly- if you can - or not have children.

My own children seem to very much enjoy being alive and tell me that they are glad that they were born, even though their parents are in their 60s now.

Well there are increased health risks but they are risks not definites. I say go for it.

I’m 46 with a toddler and a five year old and OH MY GOD it’s hard. I’m exhausted. I’ve lost loads of weight just from being emotionally and physically stressed from working full time, logistics of school and nursery, and very rarely having a break due to not really having any regular weekend/evening childcare options (family live far away).

I’d say if you have family/childcare nearby, then it’s doable, but make sure you REALLY want to . . .

I’m nearly 60 now with a teen. You don’t need to worry about us. She is my highest priority. We have a great life. We’ve travelled loads together and have a fantastic relationship. I’m am happy I had the opportunity to have a baby in my 40s. It was a huge sadness to me that I’d never had a child. DD is the light of my life.

I was 42 when I had my first, 44 2nd and 47 3rd. My 3rd was premature but nothing to do with my age, she stopped moving and they felt it necessary for her to be born. She came out fighting and is the strongest character I know with no health issues.

I had to use ivf but not because of my age, I had been wrongly diagnosed with a condition and the treatment along with an undiagnosed condition resulted in fertility issues.

I was far too selfish when I was younger, not financially secure or mature enough but was when I had my first.

you are most certainly not too old.

Why shouldn’t you have a chance at happiness with a child and your soulmate?

Oh you’ll get the comments about tiredness, fairness on child having an older mother etc. However, you’re in the perfect position to raise a child. When we have children we never know just how long we’ll be around for them, nobody has a crystal ball.

When you bring a child into the world your life changes. You’ll have the energy you never thought you would have, you’ll also be knackered but my goodness it’s so worth it!

My advice is to ignore all the negativity that may come your way … if/when you get to hold your baby in your arms … well, there isn’t another feeling like it😍
Wishing you the best in your decision making process

Does your partner already have kids? Sorry if I missed this.

Im not know for optimism, but .... just do not underestimate the immense pressure ttc/ivf/a newborn puts on a relationship.
You might regret even starting one of those things if you are anything like me - hormones seriously throw me out of balance.
Add to that zooming straight into meno following any possible good or bad news .... its a lot for you and your soul mate.
Im going to say just enjoy him. But that's very easy to say. X

People always have opinions . So many different ones here .Wishing you much love & luck whatever you decide x

No you are not too old!!! My DH was 45 with our last, why the double standards? Try and try now, if it happens great, if not then you have your soulmate!

OP it concerns me that you say it’s mostly your partner who has been talking about babies. Are you afraid he might leave you if you don’t try for a baby with him?

If you want a baby at 46 - then do it. Go get a physical and some bloods done to check your health and take it from there.

Well, I'd want all the genetic testing in the world possible. I had amniocentesis with both mine and I was in my thirties. I know personally I could not have coped with a Down Syndrome child. I know there are wonderful people who can but I never thought I was one of those. Even all the testing in the world won't guarantee a healthy "normal" baby though - could you cope with a child with ADHD or autism for instance? It's also a tremendous strain on your body. But almost worse than that is the night feeds - I have never been so tired in all my life and I had easy babies who were sleeping through in a decent stretch by about 6-8 weeks and hardly cried. I also had a lot of help with the first one from my mother which I presume you're unlikely to have. And do you really really want to be 61 or so wondering where your 15 year old is because it's 3 am in the morning? I guess if you could live with all those things you should go ahead. But, honestly, you sound happy the way you are and do you really want to spend those years knee deep in nappies and pureed baby food? Wouldn't eating out, taking trips, pursuing a common interest etc be more fun?

People will always have opinions. If you are able to, feel like you can do it and you want to. Go for it!

My school friend of almost 40 years had her first baby when she was 45, her partner was 50, child is now 6. Seems OK but I think he's quite full on, but my friend is also very energetic for her age (she's 51 now!). They do have a large network of family/friends though. Myself I wouldnt like at 6 year old at our age, but then again my son is 18 and buying the beers ;) .

My cousin had a second chIld when she was 43. Her daughter is 15 now and her husband is now over 60. Seems to have worked out for them too tbf.

Why not try? The chances are less than if you were in your 20s/30s....but it can happen.
Good luck x

I fell pregnant age 45 and my reaction was the polar opposite to what I always imagined it would be. Granted, it was unplanned, but I just felt too old - not at 45, but at looking ahead over the next 20 years or so. As it happened, I miscarried, and felt relieved with that outcome to be honest.