Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

I mean, having two parents in their 50s when you're born isn't a reasonable thing to do to a child. Having one in their 30s means the child has a fighting chance of having a parent alive when they turn 25, which I don't think is too much to bestow on a child really, do you?

I had my son when I was 34, my mum had me when she was 37. I’m now 41 and lost my mum last December; she was 78.

In my opinion 46 is too old. You’re risking your own health, the health of a potential child, and also increasing the risk of leaving them without parents at a younger age than most would wish.

Maybe look at fostering.

I think yes it’s too old. Have you considered the odds of a disabled child at 46? Your eggs are old, and reserves are low. It’s hard, but I’d say that unfortunately that ship has sailed.

I had my child at 43 and I'm not going to lie it's exhausting and was a shock to the system. .up until then I worked a good job, had money, had a social life. I thought I could retain all this but I realised I couldn't and I gave it all up. I'm now 50 work part time and am even more exhausted and financially manage but far from what I was. I wouldn't change anything for the world but I would hate to sit here and tell you it's all roses as it certainly isnt! And yes there is higher risk at an older age but you do get well monitored as a geriatric mother! I hate that term but that's what it's termed. I had problems and my child was 5 weeks early, but that's just me and nothing to say it can't all go to plan. Consider what's really important to you.

I was 41 when I had mine and there was just me and no wider fam either! Very doable if you want to. I didn’t mind not socialising so much as I’d had years of that. Career in a good place, so less worries about mat leave. I’ve no less energy than other mums as far as I know and there’s nothing against it in my mind. Congrats and lots of luck xx

It's a bit selfish and so unfair on the child. They'll most probably be an only child and you'll be hitting 68 or older when they are only 20. Don't do it for their sake.

I had a friend who got pregnant naturally at 46, her first. She had a horrendous pregnancy, hyperemisis gravidarium, got pre eclampsia and had to be rushed in for emergency Caesarian at 36 weeks, was in a coma for several days and was lucky to survive. She then got diagnosed with cancer in her early 50s and died. So very sad. OP you have met your soulmate that you never thought you would, why not quit while you’re ahead?

Definitely too old for me.

Apologies if my math is wrong but yes 70s is still really old. I just think it's really wrong to have a child at that age, I had my youngest when I was 39 and honestly I think that was pushing it.

I had my first child before I was 20. Yes, I definitely had lots of energy and the sleepless nights were easier. My youngest was born just before my 40th and though it is more tiring, I'm honestly a much better parent. I've learned so much, I'm financially stable and she really does get the best version of me. The main thing you need is a supportive partner. You should discuss expectations. Nothing worse than being part of a couple and feeling like a single parent. I say, go for it and good luck!

Go for it. I'm so happy for you!

I had a friend at uni with older parents. She hated it. All through junior school her peers referred to her parents as her grandparents. At senior school things were better because there's no school run but she never had sleepovers, or invited friends over to hang out as she was embarrassed by how old they were (in outlook not just age). Her parents were lovely but had more in common with my grandparents than my parents. I lost my Mum when I was 53 (unexpected to cancer), she lost hers at 35 and her dad just 2 years later. Her children barely knew their grandparents. I'd say you do need to consider how a child might feel about having much older parents than their friends and what it means for them as they mature.

Gosh I feel sorry for the OP. Regardless of rights and wrongs or opinions, the chances of her getting pregnant, even with IVF, are close to zero. Regular menstruation doesn’t mean that the eggs produced are capable of being fertilised and then dividing correctly to form a new human life. Most stories you hear about older mothers use frozen embryos from a decade earlier or a donated egg, but even then the chances are very slim.

You won't regret the babies you had but you'll always regret the ones you didn't have. This is your life.

Could you enjoy a few years together as a couple and then perhaps consider adopting an older child/children in need of a family?

Crack on OP and good luck to you!

Getting pretty "normal" for women to be having babies in their mid-40s. Go for it 🙂

I think that if you and your partner are financially stable, are in good health (as far as you know), and have a good support network and plan in place in terms of needing any support from family members or friends bearing your ages in mind, then I do think you only have one life and should do what is ultimately going to make you happy. Be prepared for things to majorly change i.e. potential sleepless nights and less of a social life/time to do what you want. If you are willing to give up the life you have now then I do think there is no reason not to go for it. Parents can die at any age and yes there are more risks at your age so maybe do some research and make sure you are both 100% committed to this journey, but anyone who has so much love to give deserves to be a parent.

Yabu. 1/25 chance of Down Syndrome and you wont be around to support the child as an adult.
Watch "you can't ask that" on Netflix. The episode about people with Downs. Where they discuss their fear of their parents dying and what they'll do after that.

Hi. If you feel that you want to try for a kid that is entirely up to you and your partner. And lots of people have kids over 40.
However yes it would be difficult to deal with the exhaustion and all baby wise things. Its tiring whatever anyone says its exhausting and very time and energy demanding. Very worthwhile especially if its something that you always wanted and doable however. I never wanted kids until i was 38 and now i cannot imagine my life without my kid.
My advice as a medic. First of all have all the fertility tests. Despite you having regular periods your egg quality at 46 would be severely compromised due to genetics. Possibilities of healthy embryo are very low. And time is of the essence at this point. As others have said IVF would provide the best chance for a healthy baby avoiding multiple cycles of trying and anxiety over health. However IVF is also not a given and you need to keep this in mind as this is also associated with lots of expectations and sometimes your dreams are crashed. Its very emotional and very hard on couples.
Have the tests, visit IVF clinics and aim for a gently stimulation as possibilities are higher for quality with this option. Also if there is an issue with your own eggs egg donation is also an option. I know that at this point it might not be a thing that you want to consider but I think lots of people will agree after having your baby it doesn't matter at all.
This is a very personal matter and everyone has an opinion but whatever works for me and you might not work for others. If this is what you want and when you go to sleep you wake up thinking of a life with a baby and that feels right give it a go and try. Its a long road I am afraid and not guaranteed but again i am a strong believer in not having regrets in life.

But OP will be more like 47 by the time a baby of hers is born. That a lot different to 41 IMO.

I think OP is too old, personally, but it’s her life and her choice.

What a pile of shit

If you're going to try (and by try, I would say you need to go privately to a fertility clinic) I would go into it still fully expecting it not to work.
Make sure you have a good life insurance policy in place to cover you until 75, and be fully aware of what you're signing up to. I was on my feet most of the day and up through the night at 2 years old with mine. Personally I can't imagine doing it at 50, but everyone is different energy wise.

At 45 personally I think having a baby might possibly kill me (being over dramatic but …), I have heart issues, a bad back, get chest pains and have had four kids and am now totally unfit. If you can say most of these aren’t you I’d say best of luck and go for it x

To be honest I think it's too old I wouldn't want people thinking my child is my grandchild but it is your life and you make your own decisions, you could be young for your age, fit healthy and fine having a baby.

No but go straight for IVF