Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

If they come naturally then go for it. If it involves IVF, surrogates, donor eggs etc then no.

I had a baby in my 40s and think that if I had not had another older child, it would have been relatively easy. With just one child, you can nap when they nap etc and this really helps!

As the child of older parents, it’d be a definite no from me.
If you do pursue this, make sure you have top notch life insurance and critical illness cover. My parents at least didn’t leave me orphaned and poor…

I think it's too old to be having a child. Why not foster or adopt an older DC who needs a good home?

Do the maths....when child is 25 they will only be very early 70s. That's not that old! Look at all the actresses in their 70s. Not exactly in their dotage

What is reasonable age, FortyElephants? If OP can have a baby, and wants to have a baby, even if that choice is not one that you would make, does that make her unreasonable? I don't think so. It's a shame if you do, but it doesn't really matter.

How old is your partner? Being the only child of elderly parents is not something i would want.

She said in her post that he is a couple of years younger.

I agree with this, and it's something I hadn't thought of when having a child, how much your mindset shifts to what THEY need, what THEY want, I now want to be healthy and strong for them, I want to make sure I'm there for them, I want to see them hopefully married and with their children. Before having a child it was all about us wanting a child for us, then they come along and make you realise you want to see them through as far as you can. My dad lost his much older parwnts when he was 33 and 35 and he still misses them and gets very sad sometimes, as a 70 year old. He's had half his life without his parents and never got to share so many things with them.

Yes it does. Quite a few posters have spoken of their experiences as the child in this situation, and almost all are cautioning against it for good reason.

It's very easy for people who had younger, healthy parents to tell us we're terribly judgemental and advise the OP to 'just go for it', but if they haven't experienced what we did, they really have no clue.

I had my first at 46 and I found it a very good age. I would say go for it. I know what sacrifices are required and I have the maturity and stability to give my child the best of me, which wouln't have been the case when I was younger and more interested in career or sociallife. Regarding the interaction with the other school mums, I think because you are living the same experiences as they are albeit as an older mum, you also have a lot of common ground and it keeps you young. I have not felt different or left out at all.

I’d say the vast majority arent needy at all in their early twenties!

I'm 45 and been with my partner for 15 years. Never wanted kids until this year when I started thinking it might be nice. However, there is no way I am going to do it. I think (personally) it's far too old and I had my chance and never took it, c'est la vie. There are plenty of other things to enjoy about life besides children.

Yes unfortunately you’re to old.

I do think it’s too old OP.

I think a lot of people will say it’s fine because you want one, but what about the child? You will be the same age as most of their friend’s grandparents. You will be approaching 70 when they’re only just finishing uni and starting out their adult life. The risk of birth defects increases due to your age.

My friend’s parents had her in later life and as a young woman in her 20’s she is already their carer. Many will be along to say there are no guarantees in life/they lost a parent young and they’re right of course, but I do think it would be selfish to have a baby when you’re approaching 50, sorry.

there is a lot more to consider

Personally I think there is only one thing to consider - the potential innocent human that will be brought into this world

Absolutely too old. Forget about it.

No I wouldn’t, and I say that as an older mother myself.

It will seem fine now as you’re relatively young, but do you really want to be in your 60s dealing with a teenager for example. Whatever fantastic energy level you have now will vastly reduce as you hit your 50s.

I believe there’s a much greater chance of it being ND with older parents (which of course you can’t detect at the pregnancy stage). A Scandinavian country (Sweden?) don’t allow sperm donation over 38 because of these types of issues.

The body clock is there for very good reason, which a lot of women don’t like to accept, until they have actually reached it and have experienced it for themselves.

Me personally - yes I think it's too old. However my view is coloured by losing my Mum.

Her death knocked me for six, and it wasn't unexpected as she'd been ill for a long time. I am in my 40s and two years later I'm still struggling with the loss. I can't begin to imagine how I would have coped if I'd gone through this when I was in my early 20s - her illness, caring for her, and then trying to cope with her death.

Even if you got pregnant super quickly you would probably be nearing 48 by the time baby is born which yes does feel quite old. I mean you can try. If you don't you definitely won't have a baby but it you do then you might :-) good luck!

I had my first at 41, second at 43. I love having teens in my early 60s, it’s great.
My friend had her first and only at 46, and another friend was born when her Mum was 46 or 47. A very unexpected baby as her brother was 21.

Go for it OP and the very best of luck 🤞 🙏

To those saying the OP is too old (and selfish to consider it) - what is the cut off age?

What is the oldest acceptable age to have a child - asking those who are confidently saying that 46 is definitely too old?

Extra points if you can answer with the upper age limit for women, and also for men.

Years ago I would have said you need to do what’s right for you but now I think you need to put the potential child first. My husband is older than me and had a family before we met so we left it a while to have children. I was 39 when I had my youngest and it really plays on my mind how much less time my children will have with me than if I had been 10
years younger. He’s almost 10 years older than me- a similar age to what you might be when you have a child- and I really feel they will miss out on so much time with him. He’s young for his age and fit bit you can out run age

It depends on your health, level of energy and how much ready you are to look and feel young. A mum in our school had her first daughter at 45, husband was 47, second marriage, she is super fit, keeps herself perfect, Botox and all, husband is a yoga teacher. They still go clubbing without the kid who is now 10. If she had not told us she was that age I would never have guessed. I am sure her daughter does not even notice too. She is a super goop mum. In the PTA, although working full time, always organising play dates, activities, they travel 2-3 times a year… honestly she has more energy than me and I am 10 years younger!