AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

I love your mate so much for this! I bet Billy Bigballs finds another group of dog walkers with women to harrass. He will be far too embarrassed (outraged) at being called out by a man.

You did not over react. Years of comments have worn you down.

You may be menopausal but oestrogen suppresses our emotions and lots of women come out of oestrogen suppression raging, after years of putting the needs of other people first, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict.

I also watched a TedTalk that I will try to find later which explains that when we react, we are reacting to every time we felt obliged to remain silent, to accept micro aggressions, to be kind, to smile and nod.. when we find our voice, it all comes out and we speak on behalf of all women and all moments of misogyny when we do this.

Stand in your power!! We are with you.

I am sure that any attempt to explain your perspective would simply escalate this ... and of course, we are conditioned to de-escalate, to retreat to a safe space and to internalise our feelings and our hurt.... but this is what I would like to say if I were in your shoes... as I said.. I know how that goes.. and it results in me slinking away after having taken my stance.

Bob.. every time you tell me I am lazy and having a lie in, it annoys me, because you are making assumptions and judging me, every time, I think, I won't say anything, it's not important, just let it go, but every time, you laugh at my expense and I feel powerless to defend myself. You don't diminish or mock Dave, because he is a man. You are out here, marking your territory, making this space slightly inhospitable for me and other women. I could make all sorts of assumptions as to why, to excuse your behaviour and to assume you mean no harm, but it does cause harm, you are flexing your power and showing how little you respect women. I am not sorry for my response yesterday, I am only sorry I didn't put aside my social conditioning to speak before. I can not understand why I am expected to put up with your behaviour but when I responded, you have made this space even more inhospitable for me by involving your wife and by her posting publicly about this. The correct response would have been to reflect on your behaviour, change it and allowing women to feel more afe in this space, not less safe.

But yeah... Stand in your Power. We are with you!

Well done op, it fucks me right off when men make bloody stupid comments like this to women, but would never dream of doing it to a man.

🤣🤣🤣

menopausal rage is not a bad thing 😊

Love this! Your friend is a man (gasp), so his words count.

Glad you told the boring cunt to shut up.

I was okay with your comment apart from the "speaking for all women" thing.

Serves him bloody right.

No. Over reacting would have been to let rip 2 years ago... get some context please. Ops on her last nerve. Good for her for speaking up.

I agree or the poster is a man and is having a laugh

So the big 'I am' has got his mummy wife to tell you off? What a prince of a man she is married to.

You weren't being unreasonable. You have put up with his snarky jibes for 2 years and you finally snapped. As for 'be kind', where was his kindness when trying to humiliate you? I'd want to tell his wife to fuck off, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

Good for you. Sounds like his absence from the group for a while is no loss.

Instead of feeling bad for being a twat and apologising he’s gone home and felt sorry for himself about being told off. Says it all.

And if a woman acted the same towards a man and he carried on like that the replies would be very different

Just wanted to say, well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy, that you have been restrained enough to have let it slide for two years, shows amazing restraint and I would be very disappointed in his wife. Perhaps she has been ground down and you have now shown her it does not have to be like this.

Not. The. Point.

Start your own thread making this all up and see how it goes.

Thought not.

Hey beyond deserves it. He’s a misogynistic bully - would bet my last penny he wouldn’t pull this bullshit on a man.

Tell her to stop fighting battles for her man-child of a misogynistic husband and find a better male specimen

Why on earth is it OP's job to educate a misogynistic twat who has been taking the piss out of her for 2 years? She just wants him to shut up and leave her alone and, hopefully, now he will.

I can't believe that a man behaves like this and you have framed it as another job for a woman rather than the man just learning his lesson from what OP said to him.

Love overdue I’d say.

You may be menopausal but oestrogen suppresses our emotions and lots of women come out of oestrogen suppression raging, after years of putting the needs of other people first, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict.

I can identify with this. I was put on oestrogen blocking meds after a breast cancer diagnosis a year ago, and several people in my life have commented as to how much more assertive l am and how much less tolerant of bullshit. Most have put it down to new found strength because of the diagnosis, but l’ve always suspected it was something to do with the suppression of female hormones. Just wish my hair wasn’t falling out as another side effect !!

But OP has been doing that for years now. Surely there comes a point of being continually
called lazy (while her retired husband does no get the same after OP walks the dog alone..?) there comes a time she is allowed to defend herself and point out not only his rudeness but also his sexism.

This.

Dinosaur man, thinks only men go out to work, while women stay home.
Don't you just love the delicious irony of his wife having to complain on his behalf.
Think you did a good job OP. Mission accomplished.

I support you OP but I'm unsure what you actually said that shut him up and upset him?

I agree with @EnterFunnyNameHere 100%, @Guttyyyyyyyyy.