AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

Some posters don't seem to understand the concept of a joke- I say something funny and we both laugh- that's a joke. It's only a joke if you're both laughing, if I say something racist/sexist/uncalled for and no one laughs then it's not a joke, it's me being a twat.

Read any MN thread and prove yourself wrong!

You must be new here 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can you explain what wasn’t proportionate about OP’s response? She didn’t swear or raise her voice, she told him about her day working which started at 6am, after he said she must have had a lie-in. What do you think she should have said?

His problem not yours. He’s probably sexist Presumably he doesn’t harass your husband when you have done the early walk asking him if he enjoyed his lazy day?

Result!

Hopefully this means he will no longer be on the dog walks. I hope his wife has left the group too.

I said that the OP told him she worked and that she ignored them. I did read their posts. The fact that this has been going on for a period of two years clearly indicates that he hasn’t read the room. If someone I saw on a regular basis kept saying the same thing that annoyed me I can’t see myself not saying anything for two years. I never said the OP found it funny, just that he seemed to. He has greeted her with his usual annoying greeting to receive both barrels. I don’t dispute that he’s annoying and that he is as awful as described but I don’t think he deserved both barrels just because the OP had a bad day at work. You’re entitled to your opinion that he deserved it. It’s not his fault that she had a bad shift and as it’s palliative care that is potentially quite a lot to have in your barrels. It now seems that he has felt he needs to leave the group which seems to be celebrated. All seems a bit nasty to me.

I like this.

After a few years, you generally know what sort of person your spouse is.

I do think he deserved getting told, yes. I can understand why the OP was utterly fed up. Maybe she thought she’d given enough hints but was absolutely brassed off that despite trying to be polite / subtle it hadn’t worked, and there he was again with the same inane comment.
For some this may be an over reaction because everyone is different with different tolerance levels, some people would be less tolerant, some would have continued to have ignored it I guess. I’d have probably been in the ‘ignore it until I couldn’t’ camp, a bit like OP. But as I say, we’re all different

On one hand I don’t think it should be celebrated that he left the group, but if he’s been making people feel uncomfortable with his comments (assume you read the ladyboy one which was outrageously rude) then maybe it’s for the best.
But of course he could also choose to apologise and move on, and continue to go for the walks.

easy, just msg back:
you want some then bitch???
outside now!!!
(unless you dont think you can take her?)

That he’d rather leave the chat than reflect and try to clear the air speaks volumes. Tantrum because people have called out your “jokes” as unfunny because they’re really just bullying dressed up as “banter”.

Excellent news, let your friend that stopped joining the walks know that the coast may be clear for them to return.

No my DH can speak for himself, as can I.

I think what you did needed to be done, he hasn’t caught the hint over two years, sometimes people don’t think and think themselves as funny (bet he wouldn’t like it back to him).
overreacted? Probably not / possibly, but I think sometimes it’s the only way people understand and then act the victim.
Your job is so so invaluable, thank you, and i hope in future he will consider his humour tactics.

Please tell me that was sarcasm or satire! Because no one can be this demented...

This comment made my day because as I wrote the post it occurred to me for the first time that I need to do exactly that!

Did you read OP's post where she said that another dog walker had stopped joining this walking group because this man kept asking her whether her sister in law was a lady-boy because she is from the Philippines. As well as being a misogynist he is also a racist. I find that much more nasty than OP finally telling him some home truths after 2 years of listening to him calling her lazy.

I think him leaving the group is to be celebrated if you are a decent person that won't put up with misogyny and racism.

Perfect!

we have a similar unfunny man, but not a regular walk, and no whatsapp fortunately
we can hide if we see him!

But she didn’t challenge him on his misogynistic or racist views, nor in solidarity with their fellow dog walker who did vote with their feet. She only gave both barrels as a result of being called lazy. The OP who continued to meet this person with the other dog walkers ignoring their disgusting opinions until they had a bad day at work and a menopausal rage. If his wife hadn’t text and he hadn’t left the group this afternoon chances are they would still be walking their dogs in the same group. Hardly the decent person that you refer to.

You’ve been well socialised 😁

JFC you are now making OP responsible for this racist twat's behaviour because she didn't challenge him. From what OP said, it sounds as though she has only just found out about this:

'Another group member has just told me that the reason she hasn't been for weeks is that he kept asking her if her sis in law was a ladyboy because the sis in law is from the Phillipines.'

You said that it shouldn't be celebrated that he had to leave the dog walking group. I disagreed because he isn't the sort of person that anyone would want in their group unless they were also racist and misogynistic.

Did you read the post where OP said that she only found out about the racist comment today? What was she expected to do?

She only found out about the racist comments after she handed this bloke his arse, @ClearHoldBuild - she would have needed a crystal ball to have told him off about it.

My original point was that bearing in mind that the OP doesn’t at this stage know anything about racism or misogyny. They’ve just had to deal with being called lazy for two years which they have not condoned or challenged, I personally feel based on that it was unreasonable to give them both barrels. I do not think his conduct is acceptable nor do I think the OP should have taken her bad day out on him. I’m not asking you to agree with me, it’s just one person’s opinion.