AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

I agree with this, for two years you have ignored him and haven’t said anything to him about his bad humour other than you work. He greets you in his usual annoying way and then he gets both barrels after you have had a bad night which he is not going to know. In the last two years either you or your husband could have told him that you don’t appreciate the lazy comments. Instead you have just exploded.

Awwww poor man and his hurtee feelings!

Bloody agree.
I hate all this you can't say anything bullshit.

Yes you can. You can chat about many, many things

What they mean is oooh, men just can't say insulting, sexual or demanding things can they? Poor men. No idea what they can say to women if they can't talk about their juicy melons any more.

Fuck off.
Fuck right off.
Fuck off as far as anyone's ever fucked off before.
Then fuck off some more.

Well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy and yes, I’d have replied to his wife saying similar, too “he’s been making inappropriate comments every time, after having asked him to stop he has carried on and I’ve had enough. It’s notable that he only pulls this stunt with women and none of us should have to put up with it, I realise you’ve only heard his side and I understand you backing him up but you weren’t there and he needs to stop.”

Well we will never know because it is never women who make these crass comments.

Don't waste one minute feeling you may have been unreasonable in pulling him up. If that is what he uses as his opening remark to greet people, he need to work on some new material.

Are you saying OP mist at all times be rational, logical, emotionally equable - but this man can behave as rudely, offensively, cruelly whenever he likes? And before you say anything about taking the moral high ground - no. It doesn’t work with men like this. They don’t know what it is. They speak only one language: racist, misogynistic garbage.

No, I am saying she has had 2 years to pull him up on it. I don’t know why she has let it go on that long. It’s obviously been bothering her, I don’t know why she just ignored it until he has pushed her over the edge. She should have called him out ages ago.

I would just treat him like an outsider in my life which is what he is to you and just say ‘yeah lovely’ blah blah. I don’t think I would let this wind me up.

1. youve been curt a few times and he’s winding you up so stop giving a reaction
2. hes just trying to be polite and speak to you, perhaps he just doesn’t really know what to say? So just say oh yeah, whatever…

I think all you’ve done is upset a neighbour it’s not made either life any better has it, you’ve got to walk past him on your walk and instead of a pleasant exchange you’ve got awkwardness. Well I can only imagine I’d feel awkward maybe you don’t care.

Misplaced attempts at humour are best ignored - provide no reaction payoff regardless of the person's motivation.

I gave him the full, unvarnished lowdown on what I was actually doing yesterday, nothing more.

way too much effort to have gone to Op
Will go in one ear and out the other

2 years of this? Presumably you’ve mentioned lots of time to your DH, and he’s never been inclined to tell the fool to stop being so disrespectful (and wrong) and his wife?

Did his wife message you in the main whatsapp group telling you that you had upset her DH and everyone else could see it?

I presumed she had messaged you privately and then put a 'public' message up saying 'Be kind'. If this is what happened I don't understand how your other friend replied saying that her DH would never have made his quips to another man?

If his wife messaged the entire group saying that you had upset her DH then I would reply in turn with what you have written here........

Hear hear.

DH hasn’t ever heard him make this “joke”? Only happens on the day he doesn’t walk the dogs?

I agree with you, OP and admire your restraint, I'd have put him straight about the second time he said it. And that's because I don't always react on the spot to things (takes a while to sink in sometimes when someone has been snarky) and mull it over after.

I don’t understand why you didn’t put him right 2 years ago though..? Maybe he would have stopped sooner, or did he know you worked this whole time..?

Nope.
We all meet at a local beach to let our dogs off lead. Not a neighbour.

You don’t need to know, and neither does he. As the person on the receiving end of harm, rather than the doling out end of harm, she is at liberty to let it go on for as long as she likes, and for whatever reason. I suspect it’s because she likes to give people leeway, benefit of doubt - but it could have been because, I don’t know, she just isn’t made of steel and shuns conflict. That’s her right. She doesn’t owe her “aggressor” anything. She certainly doesn’t owe him equable and fair treatment, or a logical path to ending the offence he’s causing her. After all, has he extended any of these courtesies to her? Why should she do unto other as she would have them do unto her, when it’s been proven over two whole years that he will not do unto her as she has been consistently doing unto him?

Your DH sees this chap 4 times a week, annd has done so for 2 years, and knows how annoyed you are with him, and has never thought to say…. “Could you stop with the inane and inaccurate comments to my wife when you next see her”?

The friend that replied on the watsapp group was there when it happened so knew why the #BeKind was put on and that it was aimed at me.

Unlike Annoying Fucker I don't expect my spouse to fight my battles for me.

Exactly, he has only said it to me. DH doesn't engage with him much as he thinks he is an arsehole.

They always say bullies are cowards and it's true with him alright, finally gets told off and he runs home to whinge to his wife. Hopefully he'll take the hint and take his dog out by himself in future.

Well it hasn't gone in one ear and out the other because he has complained to his wife who has contacted OP about how upset he is.

I doubt it took OP much effort to tell him what she really thought about his constant misogynistic and disrespectful comments. I'm sure it was extremely cathartic.

I’m not talking about you

I can’t believe that your dh never, in 2 years, seeing him 4x a week and knowing how much it infuriates you - that he never felt inclined to say “your inane and inaccurate comments to my wife need to stop