AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

I haven’t said she shouldn’t protect her boundaries. I said that she should’ve clearly articulated her boundaries months ago, rather than just ignoring his comments or ambiguously replying that she works.

She should’ve have told him months ago that she dislikes the comments.

Same sex couple - two men

They're doing the same as OP and her husband

The twatface who's been bullying the OP never says anything like this to the men in the group, only the women

Funny how he is interested in kindness NOW. OP you showed incredible restraint to be so tolerant for so long, and I think the reality is there’s not a way in which you could have worded it that wouldn’t have “hurt his feelings” because the issue isn’t what you said, it’s the fact that you had the temerity to even say it. He’s hurt that his words have had consequences for him. He liked it all so much better when he could say whatever he liked, unkindly , with no repercussions. If you’d tried more gently he wouldn’t have got the message, nor does he deserve your ongoing patience and consideration.

He definitely deserved it and in your position I would be messaging his wife and telling her just what absolutely shit he has been! These people who think they can pick on other people really piss me off! Hope you’re ok OP……..keep doing what you’re doing, not everyone can work in palliative care 💐

Well done OP!

It really winds me up that some men will be arseholes to woman as we’ve been socially conditioned to “be nice”.

This twat clearly needed putting in his place!

I hope he leaves the group and the other lady rejoins.

Omg this is giving me the rage. She told him she had a job. Making the same fucking sexist joke a second time after being told she had a job was an arsehole move, never mind repeatedly for YEARS. Why should she pander to his feelings saying things like "I know you don't mean anything by this"? He bloody did mean something by it! He very clearly did! Otherwise he'd have said "oh whoops, I didn't realise! I assumed you were alternating lie ins!" the very first time. And then he'd have never said it again.

The man's an arse! Well done for setting him straight.

I think menopausal rage is useful because it brings into sharp relief all the nonsense we've been putting up with our whole lives, and which we're not willing to accept anymore.

Totally agree!

@Guttyyyyyyyyy simply reply fuck off

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Fuck that disgusting cunt and his idiot girlfriend.

Great replies from both you and your friend.

The misogynistic twat should be apologising to you. Instead he's gone crying to his mummy. They're both arseholes.

The only person who needs to be apologising here is the misogynist, racist twonk who has spent two years attacking the OP.

My menopausal rage is triggered these days every time I see the words "be kind" or "be the bigger person" because they are essentially another way of saying "women, prioritise men and their feelings and put yourselves last".

insert it into him sideways?😊

Got to echo that last sentence, OP. Distance is everything.

You did well, but in future remember the words of the great English writer Quentin Crisp - to avoid unnecessary drama, keep your dealings with others to a pleasantly scant minimum! I only join whatsapps for people I know very well, or people from my own ethnic community/cultural background. English people on the whole, as Crisp once said, have a tendency to be passive aggressive bullies. The random middle aged/older ones you meet in dog walking communities can be cliquey, small minded oddballs and the last people you want to be overly tolerant or friendly with.

Try to nip them in the bud in future. The repeated jokes are a form of boundary crossing and white men in particular love that indirect form of harassment 'cos they can flip the switch and play victim when you call them out. You have to step to them and shut it right down so they know that you know what they're all about and won't be played.

Be Kind = middle class for STFU

The rude asshole should clearly STFU a bit more often.

I had this one of my hobby groups. Man making nasty comments to women - never to men!
In the end the (male) leader of the group emailed him and told him he wasn't welcome back if he continued. That was a couple of months ago and he hasn't been back since. It had to be done as he was creating a bad atmosphere.

Good for you @Guttyyyyyyyyy. You have been exceptionally patient. Most people would have said something long before you did.

Fuck him. What a moron. Also getting his wife to speak up for him is pathetic!

Of my goodness, what a twat. Not only is he rude, socially unaware, sexist and a pathetic coward who runs home to complain to his wife. He is also racist.
It's a very good thing that you stood up to him. Hopefully, the whole group will put a stop to his 'hilarious' comments now.

I think by the sounds of it you have been incredibly patient. As soon as he had done this more than once I would have said I did not appreciate the tone or wording of what he was saying. I am none too impressed with his wife either who seems to be a bit of enabler for his behaviour. She rings you saying you have hurt his feelings....

This man is why women everywhere are googling how to make Beef Wellington

I bet you wouldn’t have spoken like that if a woman had made the same joke.

What an insensitive, ignorant dickhead. Sounds like he deserves what he got. Him being 'upset' is NOT your problem.

Well done OP, although how you managed to stay calm during two years of negging is remarkably impressive! I’d have been very blunt to his face much sooner in the proceedings as I am ND and don’t ever feel the need to “be kind” to male twats.

And as for the other poster… “the fact he is so upset his wife is standing up for him he must be very sensitive”

I can only assume they’re on a wind up because surely no-one in real life is that dim? 😳🤣🤣

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. You do a very difficult job why should you let this sexist twerp undermine you when you're just trying to walk your dog? He's a twat and you're a star