This thread is crazy! 😆
I agree, girls of all conventional standards of beauty are likely to be leered at or otherwise attract unwanted attention at some some point, and it is a concern. But come on now, some people stand out. Many on mn deny a difference in "attractiveness" across the population full stop, which makes talking about the issues it raises quite difficult. Weighing up whether this teen or that teen is "prettier" is one thing and completely unnecessary/inappropriate. But some genuinely are beautiful enough to stand out and will attract all sorts of attention from anyone with eyes, and gaslighting them and their mums pretending it doesn't happen just shuts down a real concern.
Yes, men and boys should act appropriately at all times and should control themselves. No one is denying that unwanted stupid comments or full on disgusting leering and worse is their fault and theirs alone, and girls of all "looks" are vulnerable to pervy men. But there is a range isn't there. You've got your absolute scum prepared to physically assault, the catcalling dickheads, and then the public leery starers. Some of these will overlap, but a stand out beauty will attract staring wherever she goes. Not all of these are the worst offender types prepared to get physical given half a chance, but the problem is you don't know which ones are which, hence the worrying.
My own little anecdotes. I was not stand out beautiful, but was slim with long blond hair and attractive enough I suppose for a teen and within my friendship group probably drew the most attention. I hated any staring, I was shy and unconfident and I didn't know how to deal with it. I would have benefitted from honest discussion and an adult talking to me about it and giving me some strategies.
I had a friend who was and is not ugly, in fact I think the opposite. But she was a spotty and overweight teen. She lived with weird and neglectful parents so her clothes were not replaces as they show have been either. She kind of caved in on herself in her own lack of confidence. She drew unwanted attention too, and her self esteem never recovered ☹️
My sister had a friend who to this day is the most striking and beautiful woman I know in real life. By 15 she was 6ft. Couldn't walk in a city without being "scouted". Not identikit beautiful like many modern stars but absolutely stunning in her own way - think Julia Roberts in a see of barbies. Men and women would stare wherever she went. Her life went how you might imagine, an enormous amount of male attention but it took into her 30s to find a genuinely good one.
Anyway I'm just using these examples to show that you can argue about the language used for it, but trying to deny a difference in "attractiveness" and the effect that has is ridiculous. The problem is with men, but I think facing the reality and doing our best to equip our teens for it is the right thing. And worrying is a parent's default setting of course! 😩