DH has moved out

[Passa]

We purchase our house earlier this year. We’ve spent more than we would have liked but we can afford the monthly payments.
However, we underestimated the refurbishment cost, we budgeted £60k but it’s going to be closer to £100k+ : new kitchen, new wardrobes, new beds, new flooring and paint. The house is very dated and needs updating but DH has become increasingly bitter at the cost and placed the blame s on me. He’s had to sell his ISA and employee shares to fund this, and has regularly resorted to calling me names. He stayed in thr spare room for weeks but finally moved out back to his parents.
i don’t know what happens after this - will the house be sold off? We are sitting on a very significant loss if we sell it now.

@llizzie have you read the full thread?
sevral times he said stop!
he’s sold shares and is finding this vanity project which includes getting designers in!
plus op is more concerned about the house than her husband

Guy did the math on how many more extra years he was going to have to work to earn back the money he lost plus the interest those investments would’ve earned over that same period of time and decided she just wasn’t worth it. So many people lose what they have to get what they think they want. Probably could’ve lived in the “dated” home just fine for decades and sold it for a healthy profit after a coat of paint.

It's always been better to live in a place for a while before doing it up, because you have to find out where the leaks are and other necessary things.

It is amazing just how quickly house decoration goes out of fashion. Within a few years it will look as it was when it was sold. I dare not admit how old my kitchen is.

I love looking at 'FOUR IN A BED' on Channel 4. It is hilarious the way they pull each others B&B apart. I remember one host very proud of her William Morris wallpaper in her newly decorated rooms. One of the others in the competition marked it down as being outdated. His remark to his partner was ''who's William Morris?

No where else can you get critical acclaim or otherwise!

I assume they had a survey done by a qualified surveyor?

It's hard to tell from your post, but it seems like your hubby was trying to make you happy and you took advantage of it. Did you discuss everything including the costs before spending it?

I'm having a hard time understanding how you can even ask if your being unreasonable. Retirement savings aren't supposed to be squandered on trivial things. You work your butt off to save so you CAN retire and still live comfortably.

If you really want to save your marriage, I would start with a very sincere apology and ask your hubby how HE feels about saving the marriage and go from there. Broken trust is a very hard thing to recover from especially if he feels more like a wallet than a partner.

The ball is in your court. Decide where your priorities are and if it's saving your marriage, Go for it. Don't force it to be your way, just ask if he feels it can be saved and let him lead the way.

What you need is a therapist. Spending soneone else's retirement savings on a remodel and be okay with that because he makes much more than you, all so you will feel good, is NOT okay.

I would divorce you not just leave, you have no respect for him or his sacrifice. And he deserves more. I hope, if you get another relationship that you see all the wrong you did and learn from your mistakes instead of repeating the same thing, and end up twice divorced. In addition, you should get a job and pay him back the 85000 to his savings and his retirement. It's his savings and his retirement, not yours. You didn't go to work for him and sitting at home, letting him vent, does not entitle you to all of his money. I'd get carried away with destroying your life.

While there are a lot of people that claim to "know their worth" very few have evidence to support their own value to others in a relationship. Evidently this woman tops out at around $55k.

OP ain’t comin’ back

Agreed @Passa knows there's no walking back from this.

Did he ask you along the way to stop spending and you ignored him? Or wAs it a shock to both of you when the total added up?

These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what I’ll do….

Champagne tastes on lemonade money. And you’re not even paying for your own lemonade.
The death of your IG dreams seems more important than the death of your marriage.