DH has moved out

[Passa]

We purchase our house earlier this year. We’ve spent more than we would have liked but we can afford the monthly payments.
However, we underestimated the refurbishment cost, we budgeted £60k but it’s going to be closer to £100k+ : new kitchen, new wardrobes, new beds, new flooring and paint. The house is very dated and needs updating but DH has become increasingly bitter at the cost and placed the blame s on me. He’s had to sell his ISA and employee shares to fund this, and has regularly resorted to calling me names. He stayed in thr spare room for weeks but finally moved out back to his parents.
i don’t know what happens after this - will the house be sold off? We are sitting on a very significant loss if we sell it now.

Renovations or not we’ve always kept an emergency fund so that when we’ve had an unexpected cost we can cover it.We once had boiler go and the radiators blew holes so that was an emergency.
We also used the home buyers survey to give us an idea of what needed especially the ones we missed.
whatever’s happened stay or go keep or sell you need to get communicating now to save in the long term.

OP sounds more bothered about losing her house than her husband... Sounds like she spent money they didn't have and he hasn't been able to stop her. Must be terrifying for him.

I couldn't have forgiven my husband for being so careless with monies and savings

I have honestly yet to see a renovation on the TV that I could live with.

I am disabled and have a disability living extension. I removed all the doors downstairs for the wheelchair except one, to the hall because I have a ramp from the other side, and that is as far as I go. For that I get a band reduction. Now, it seems people are wanting to open up their rooms completely and I just couldn't do that. It wouldn't make a difference to the wheelchair because the doorways are wider, but the kitchen in the living room? People are paying thousands for that, and all those homes on TV are supposed to be so popular.

To take the kitchen wall down means I can see the kitchen sink from too many angles, and the things I burn smelling all over?

Now the fashion turns again and sliding doors are in..........

Op sounds like H was trying to please you and make you happy, but meanwhile he realised the financial implications of this, he wasn't able to say no, stop now let's looks at this, let's be realistic,

H gone running for the hills ' panick '

You do realise how this happened, so question now is, what are you going to do , you need to speak to H and make a plan, whether that being a financial plan, but what about your marriage, it's OK to disagree or upset our/ your H when making decisions big financial decisions, you need a plan how to sort this mess out op, definitely not spending anymore money on house, live as it is, make do with what you have, and God only knows, you learn to paint, get H on board,

Right now you have an house, no home, because you're been so busy making it your forever home, happiness makes it a home, having someone to come home too, forget all the material things they come and go,

Looks like this vote could be a cliffhanger?

We maxed out on the mortgage buying a house which had been untouched since 1982. We lived in it like that for 5 years before starting work!

Building costs have gone up so much since Covid. It sounds like you didn’t start the work with a proper budget or track on costs. So I can see why he’s frustrated and angry because eventually, you run out of money.

You might make a loss selling the house but do you want to keep the marriage? Life is long, all relationships have ups and downs. This is a learning experience but doesn’t have to be the end. Sounds like you might need to learn to listen to what your husband is saying more if you want to keep him though.

Bringing in designers when you only have 60k was your first mistake!

So basically op, you bought the house you liked. Stretching your budget to do so.

Got in designers who suggested things you didn't know you needed...so you didn't in fact need them. I have to ask who gets designers into decorate their first home? All of it seems cosmetic too.

You have spunked his savings

You don't seem to have put much money in

You manipulated him to spend more, even when he was saying stop

And you wonder why he left????? I'm speechless, you have to be the poster of the year, I think this beats "I snapped and farted" for being the most self absorbed poster of all time.

You should have taken his hesitation as a sign he wasn't happy. I am in a similar position where I inherited a sum and if my husband tried to spend all of that, I'd be raging.

If you don't hold your own finances, then you have lived beyond your means. Nearly everyone is only a few paychecks from potentiallyy being homeless. My husband is petrified at the idea of losing his job and not being able to meet mortgage payments. Maybe your husband feels the same.

I feel for your husband as you seem to wnt it all your way.

Let's hope they don't hit any hardship financilly as it sounds as if the money cow is dry.

In my experience, people who omit info are hiding something. She probably knows people will hang her out to dry as she has clearly c**ked up.

Wow. Really, wow!

I can't make up my mind if you're incredibly gullible/naive/clueless or a materialistic, freeloader happy to spend anyone elses money. You've dodged lots of important questions but DH leaving something all his money has now been sunk in seems crazy so there's got to more to this story.

Given that your only concern is losing the house, not your marriage, I'm landing on, yes, uabvvu.

You sound naive but what on earth job does he do that pays very good money and he doesn't have the skills to sit down and go through what he is "singing off" to pay for?

He let the project run away just as much as you and is now blaming you. I hope he isn't in a leadership position.

Joint responsibility, joint work to fix it.

It's unacceptable for you to carry the can and find a solution when he had half a hand in it.

Perhaps he should blame your hysteria and womanly charms whilst he's at it.

She did not say that - he said that.

But who are we to say that it isn't true?

The "clue" about the renovations and costs of works, comes from the quotes you got BEFORE you purchase the house and again BEFORE you signed contracts for any works to start. You don't need to be seasoned home owners to know how quotes work.

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I made mistakes and was too rash, I accept this.

To get a house painted is around £4k to 5k, and a kitchen is going to cost £10k and another £10k to install. I don’t know who people are getting extensions for £30k

Holding your hand up is a great start. But the next step must be the actions you will take to put it right.

"we budgeted £60k but it’s going to be closer to £100k+ : new kitchen, new wardrobes, new beds, new flooring and paint."

To...

"To get a house painted is around £4k to 5k, and a kitchen is going to cost £10k and another £10k to install"

That's £25k. Are you saying you've spent £75k on new wardrobes, new beds and new flooring??

At this point, either you are hiding a lot as you are ignoring so many posts or you are a troll. There's no in between.

How much did the designer cost?

Some Paint and brushes are not 5k, why don’t you do a room yourself rather than pay someone?

Why aren't you painting the house, doing the kitchen yourselves etc if you have already overspent?

It doesn't cost that much for several tubs of paint. DIY

Those figures don't come anywhere near £60k which is what you budgeted let alone £100k which is what you are claiming you have already spent, so where has the rest of the money gone?

You seem to be saying that the kitchen and painting has not been done? So what has actually been done?

Do you want to save your marriage or your house renovation?