Page 6 | Surprise guest. Should we say something?

enidblythe · 04/06/2025 06:44

I think I d swerve future invites and also maybe you are placing more weight on the friendship than they consider.

AnysTractor · 04/06/2025 06:59

shipofools · 04/06/2025 01:54

No. What I do find odd is the insistence my comments are about "taking a pop" or being "snide" to the OP. Here is my initial post:

Perhaps they kill two birds with one stone by inviting Steve and you at the same time? In other words, they are not quite as keen on your company as you are theirs.

There are a handful of reasons why OP is being invited with the ghastly Steve. In no particular order:

-the hosts are desperate for a buffer for Steve, and wrongly assumed OP was fine with his company/enjoyed their chats
-the hosts are unaware Steve is a tosser
-the hosts only invite three people in the world to dinner, and that is OP and husband plus Steve
-the hosts have plenty of other of guests, but all the rest have made it clear they can't stand Steve
-the hosts are desperate for a buffer for Steve, and don't really care if OP is uncomfortable as someone has to do it

It seems unlikely they are completely unware of Steve's problem traits. Inviting him along with the OP to my mind shows a lack of consideration, therefore they don't really care if it's not ideal for her as they place their own concerns first.

At no point have I suggested OP is poor company, or taken snide potshots at her. Having been in a somewhat similar situation, I concluded my comfort was low on my hosts' list of preferences.

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Tbh I think this is a really good analysis of the situation

Theroadt · 04/06/2025 07:10

breakdown98765 · 01/06/2025 23:48

We became good friends with a couple, a couple of years ago. However a few times we’ve been invited over, they have also had their other mate over. We’ll call him Steve.

One hand I feel bad as it’s evident that Steve doesn’t have many friends or family in the nearby area. I’ve also got my suspicions that he’s either depressed or got depressive tendencies.

But on the over hand, I find Steve incredibly hard work socially, as he’s quite rude/standoffish or just talks about himself (how hard he’s had things in the past).. Any conversation he’ll turn it around to a monologue, unless you try to make conversation and you get a sarcastic reply.

The thing is, is when we’re invited over, we get the impression it’s just going to be us. To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

Should I mention something to my friend or just put up with potentially being Steve there?

Maybe start hosting rather than taking hospitality and then you can invite who you want 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pickled21 · 04/06/2025 07:38

Have they ever bought him round when invited to yours? If not then invite them to yours instead and be clear it's only for the 4 of you. If they invite you to theirs then ask if he's coming and politely decline. You can be blunt but tactful and say you don't enjoy his company so appreciate the offer but prefer not to. The friendship might wane but is it a big loss if it does?

CaptainFuture · 04/06/2025 08:15

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2025 18:11

Why?
What possible advantage is there to OP in this?

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Apparently that's the #beeeekiiind virtue signalling way of life, so a person can show how much better they are than everyone else!

latetothefisting · 04/06/2025 09:17

CoffeeCantata · 03/06/2025 06:55

The idea of takeaway, wine and good company gets me through the slog of the end of the week and then bam, it’s miserable monologue Steve. I used the wrong wording before, it doesn’t change the vibe because it’s no longer a couple thing, it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight. He takes over conversation to rant/overshare and everyone else peels away until you’re stuck hearing his woes whilst the others have a laugh in the other room/conversation.

I get it, OP. It certainly didn't come over to me that you were in any way suggesting that Steve is unwelcome (to you) because he's single - don't know why pps have projected that!

Yes, I bet they're using you both as a buffer - to soak up the awfulness of Steve. I've had this kind of thing because I used to be a pushover and was always the person caught in a corner with someone like Steve while everyone else has a great time. I've learned to be tougher. I'm never rude but I don't suffer extreme bores for more than 5 mins now - I expect other people to pull their weight and pass them on to someone else.

Um, nobody is projecting, thanks, we are responding to OPs own chosen words
"To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couples thing"
If she just meant as she's now backtracking because people have pulled her up on it saying
" it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight."
Then why did she bring the couples thing into it at all in the first place?

Why not say the sentence about the lead weight then, or even just stop the sentence after "there."

It would have made more sense to not mention the couple element if her ONLY issue was Steve's personality. Instead she specifically chose to add the couples element because that's how she feels. Steve might very well be a right PITA but OP sounds like she would be side eyeing even the nicest woman if she came alone and not with a "hubby".

echt · 04/06/2025 09:28

latetothefisting · 04/06/2025 09:17

Um, nobody is projecting, thanks, we are responding to OPs own chosen words
"To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couples thing"
If she just meant as she's now backtracking because people have pulled her up on it saying
" it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight."
Then why did she bring the couples thing into it at all in the first place?

Why not say the sentence about the lead weight then, or even just stop the sentence after "there."

It would have made more sense to not mention the couple element if her ONLY issue was Steve's personality. Instead she specifically chose to add the couples element because that's how she feels. Steve might very well be a right PITA but OP sounds like she would be side eyeing even the nicest woman if she came alone and not with a "hubby".

Edited

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This.

The OP was straight the first time and is now furiously back-pedalling.

saraclara · 04/06/2025 12:46

Theroadt · 04/06/2025 07:10

Maybe start hosting rather than taking hospitality and then you can invite who you want 🤷🏻‍♀️

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OP already does host some of the time. She said so.

Cabinqueen · 04/06/2025 13:31

saraclara · 02/06/2025 00:34

To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

I'm widowed. My social life is a shadow of what it used to be because of couples like you. It sucks more than I can say.

I too was in this situation after my husband died. Sidelined in case a few actually thought I might make off with the husband of the house as I'd lost mine... 🙄

DontReplyIWillLie · 04/06/2025 13:48

latetothefisting · 04/06/2025 09:17

Um, nobody is projecting, thanks, we are responding to OPs own chosen words
"To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couples thing"
If she just meant as she's now backtracking because people have pulled her up on it saying
" it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight."
Then why did she bring the couples thing into it at all in the first place?

Why not say the sentence about the lead weight then, or even just stop the sentence after "there."

It would have made more sense to not mention the couple element if her ONLY issue was Steve's personality. Instead she specifically chose to add the couples element because that's how she feels. Steve might very well be a right PITA but OP sounds like she would be side eyeing even the nicest woman if she came alone and not with a "hubby".

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I’m guessing there’s a “chicken or egg?” element to it. Would OP even be thinking about the couples v singles thing if Steve was a nice, engaging person? Or is she wishing it was couples only because this particular single person is an utter PITA?

Maybe OP would still have an issue with a nicer single person. We don’t know, because her friends haven’t invited one. Just like we don’t know if OP would like Steve better if he had a wife - because he doesn’t.