Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

[Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected]

I rarely drink, I haven’t since Dv was born and since Peri kicked in and made me ill, every time I did.
Things have been stressful recently and Ive been having the odd drink on the balcony at sunset on my own. I usually don’t drink it all and usually put the remainder behind my bedroom patio shutters outside

Anyway, I came to have some tonight and they’ve all gone, cleaners came yesterday so an assuming it’s them as they clean the patio area too

Why would they do that?

How do you know? She might well have come across it when playing.

Plus your cleaner may have thought it was left out there by accident and that it should not be where a small child might find and drink it.

oh what’s that quote from hamlet, something about protesting too much? Op you are allowed a drink, you’ve a poor relationship with booze because of your dad. You are not your dad. Kids are fine seeing normal and infrequent alcohol consumption, what you are doing makes it seem a secret bad thing, that will be more damaging for your child. Your child is not you.

Dh doesn’t drink at home though, he knows I hate it

So perhaps he got rid of it out of concern for you? Have you let him know you don't hate it?

Ask the cleaner where they gave out them? Might just be in a kitchen cupboard?

@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected
So your DH doesn’t drink at home because you hate it. And you’re secretly drinking and don’t want to tell him!!
Youre making all the excuses under the sun, dd, relaxing evening, balcony etc….
@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected you definitely have a problem with alcohol, you may not actual drink too much yet, but you definitely have a problem.
Get some help before this escalates

If I was your cleaner I would have assumed it had been left there by mistake - would have thrown away the open ones ( as I think it's just cider) and returned the others to the kitchen.

You maybe just need to ask?

Why not just do what most people do, and have a selection of alcohol in the house that you offer to guests and/or have as an occasional treat after a tough day or on a Saturday night?

No it’s not. The people on this thread are making it an unhealthy relationship with alcohol - as is the depressing norm on any MN thread about alcohol people are projecting their own experiences and are desperate to convince OP she’s on the road to ruin. One small bottle of cider a couple of times a week is not an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. OP is not hiding in a cupboard or locking herself in the bathroom to drink a bottle of gin very day, she’s relaxing with a small bottle of cider on a nice evening once or twice a week on her bedroom terrace.

OP has brought the pile on on herself to a certain extent by using the word ‘secret’ in the title and most posters are clinging to that for dear life as proof she has a ‘problem’. She’s explained what she meant several times and clarified her reasons - which are perfectly reasonable. If l had to make one comment it would be not to be worried about her DD seeing her drinking - OP doesn’t drink to anywhere near excess and it would encourage a healthy relationship with alcohol to be more open about the odd drink here and there. But to suggest she’s developing a concerning and escalating habit for which she should seek help is utterly batshit.

FFS! How on earth would MNs know what the cleaners did? The secret alcohol was far more important (and interesting) than speculation about the cleaners.

No, she says alcohol made her ill since peri menopause so they didn’t keep alcohol in the house any more, until the last couple of weeks when she has discovered that one or two ciders no longer makes her ill. She’s clarified that she hasn’t told her DS yet - not that she doesn’t want to tell him, and that if he found it he’d probably either put it in the fridge or drink it. Nothing sinister and no concerns about her drinking.

And yet, once again not the point of the thread.

I don't drink OP, I've been teetotal for almost 20 years but I do have alcohol in the house, openly. It sounds like you have a wider issue with alcohol, whether you are ready to admit it or not. There's nothing wrong with a child seeing you with a drink, in fact I think that's a lot healthier than smelling it on your breath and seeing hidden bottles in weird places.

Just ask the cleaner in a non-accusatory way.

Why would a six year old child be playing on a second floor bedroom terrace ?

Had to google that. I’d defo think that was rubbish. It’s hardly a expensive bottle of spirits is it? It’s not going to do it any good left outside so probably wouldn’t be drinkable. I’d assume it was left over from a party and clear away. The idea your cleaner is nicking cider is a bit rude to them. YABU just keep your booze somewhere normal or explain to them that you keep it there and to not clear away. (Even half drunk ones? 🤣)

It sounds as though your Dads drinking was quite scary for you as a child ? It’s better for children to see normal, sensible behaviour around alcohol, than to not have it in the house at all or hide a stash outside. The quantity isn’t the issue here, you aren’t drinking much at all, but the need to hide a totally normal thing from your toddler will make her see booze as an illicit thing. Better for her to see that adults occasionally have an alcoholic drink, and how they stop at one or two, rather than keeping on drinking. It’s fine for you to enjoy a glass of something now and again, you don’t need to feel bad about it. Regularity getting drunk or not being able to stop at one, even if you drink occasionally, that would be worrying but that isn’t what you are doing.

Could your daughter have drunk it thinking it was pop?

She didn't ask if people knew what they're cleaners did, she asked for opinions on why they might have done it.

If she's not a loved one of any of the posters, it's got fuck-all to do with anyone whether she's got a drinking problem or not. And she certainly didn't ask for opinions on it!

It's not 'important' that OP hears posters opinions about something she didn't ask about.

😂😂😂
You think an alcoholic is defined by where they keep their alcohol rather than the frequency and amount they drink?

This. Every time anyone posts anything even vaguely to do with alcohol the hysterical finger pointers come out in force. A small bottle of cider a couple of times a week relaxing on your bedroom balcony on a nice evening doesn’t make you an alcoholic, no matter how much posters are pretzeling themselves to prove that’s the case. OP’s only problem with alcohol stems from seeing her father drink to excess when she was a child. She doesn’t want her DD to see her drinking for that reason, and while that’s understandable l think it would be far better to let DD see that mum has a drink every now and then, and so encourage a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Because mum or dad could have been getting changed, getting something from the bedroom, showering. When my children were younger they would often follow me. Or I’d say just come and play here while I do…..

Op.
They’ve gone. It wasn’t a huge loss.

In future, keep them in the fridge and normalise occasional alcohol drinking. It’s not a crime that needs to be hidden from your daughter. She needs to see it being consumed responsibly, not not at all.

OP, you sound like you have all the attributes of alcoholism apart from the excessive drinking- secrecy, shame, having a hidden stash, drinking alone etc. Maybe these things seem normal to you because you grew up with them but they’re really unhealthy and unusual.

At the moment it sounds as if you’re not drinking to excess, but given everything in your shoes I’d probably just not drink. There’s obviously a lot tied up
with all this for you and that would be the easiest option all round.

If you want to drink, you need to address your thinking about it and get it out in the open. No more sneaking about with a secret stash. Secrets breed secrets and your unhealthy approach could turn into excessive drinking quite easily. It’s also never as secret as you think- your cleaner has already found your hidden booze and before long your daughter will as well.

Dh doesn’t drink at home though, he knows I hate it, is that normal?

Not when you changed the rules and he doesn't know .

That simply isn’t true. The “hysterical finger pointers” tend to be recovering alcoholics or close relatives of one who recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I drink more than the OP some weeks, the difference is I don’t do it in secret, am happy that my (recovering alcoholic) spouse knows I drink and don’t hide the bottles.