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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

276 replies

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:47

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Didimum · 01/06/2025 11:10

Tessiebear2023 · 01/06/2025 10:58

I was recommended fillers, and an experienced doctor to perform them, by my NHS dermatologist. Nothing else will treat my extensive, severe acne scars.

I'm still having difficulty deciding to have them, thanks to the shitty attitude towards people (sorry, women) who get facial cosmetic procedures.

As I said above, I am not referring to procedures that correct or treat the consequences of other medical conditions.

ehb102 · 01/06/2025 11:11

Much as I'd like to smash the Patriarchy we all have to live here for a while yet.

Beauty standards affect all women. If you conform to beauty standards then those who do not confirm stand out as being non-compliant. And those who are non-compliant women suffer for it. Doesn't matter if you are naturally beautiful and shun femininity or you are fat or disfigured or scarred or bald of have any of the hundreds of health conditions that women get way more than men that affect appearance, you are not conforming and you are therefore treated differently. Grooming can send out signals that you are conforming.

So I completely understand why you want to spend your time, effort and money on looking "better" than you do now. Just be aware that what you do as an individual does have an impact on the rest of us. Don't pretend that everyone has the same choice to meet beauty standards or not. If effort was rewarded I'd be a supermodel 😀 And if women were truly liberated we wouldn't be having conversations about all the trappings that men don't have to deal with.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 11:12

Didimum · 01/06/2025 10:55

That’s why I said that OR make up that creates the 2D illusion of it – because it does.

Your first sentence said 'you can tell you've had lip filler, 100%.'

the only bit of make up on my lips was a peach lip balm (that I still have and regularly use) so not a lot there to make my lips 'fake' as you put it.

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 01/06/2025 11:14

Watched The Undoing recently. Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant. Hugh, confidently wrinkly and jowly, aging like a bloodhound but portrayed as charming and attractive. Kidman, having erased every last expression from her face, looked like a mannequin and could barely convey emotion. Only 6 years between them.

There is such a marked difference in the way aging women and aging men are treated. So I understand why Kidman has done that to her face. But I can't applaud it.

Tessiebear2023 · 01/06/2025 11:16

CharlotteRumpling · 01/06/2025 10:53

Beginning to see women I work with getting preventive Botox in their 20s for their non-existent " wrinkles" and frankly I find it terrifying.

No one can convince me that this is a 'free choice'.

Edited

That's an extreme and specific example.

OP is talking about using a bit of reasoning and context, and not just blanket deciding that all cosmetic procedures = vain/bad just because they don't like particular people's attitude towards cosmetic procedures, or how it makes a particular person look.

How do you feel about people getting procedures for facial scarring, for example? Is that still terrifying for you?

Didimum · 01/06/2025 11:16

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 11:12

Your first sentence said 'you can tell you've had lip filler, 100%.'

the only bit of make up on my lips was a peach lip balm (that I still have and regularly use) so not a lot there to make my lips 'fake' as you put it.

Yes, and then I said that or make up - which are are wearing - lip balm or otherwise. Other make up on the face can also affect appearance of the lips. It’s also the way lips are held and positioned for photos by those who wish their lips to appear a certain way.

Also - this is about cosmetic procedures being noticeable, which is not what your photo intends to show.

CharlotteRumpling · 01/06/2025 11:18

@Tessiebear2023 I don't think anyone on this thread or IRL is terrified by cosmetic surgery to treat medical conditions. But that is an extreme example.
The vast majority are not having it for medical conditions.

User14March · 01/06/2025 11:23

Cnidarian · 01/06/2025 11:04

The offensive comments designed to tear people down and give the poster a sense of smug self righteousness are horrible and bullying. I do think that we need to reflect and have a conversation about what it means to paralyse our faces, remove natural expression and exist as masks. I say this as someone who has had botox twice and has friends who have it and look great, it's not a place of judgement but my own thought process on whether it's a route I'm going to choose in the long term. I don't know. I think that older women should be able to look angry, and raise an eyebrow and smile with their eyes. We lose a lot in giving that up, until I had it myself I don't think I really appreciated that. Even the subtle well done work changes the way the face moves, someone said to me you can always tell because people smile with their nose. It's true! The only bit that still moves freely, do we want to be a generation of women who can't make facial expressions, and will that shift how we communicate and what we perceive as normal? We should definitely be talking about that, the nastiness is lazy, unthoughtful and unkind.

In the past I think inevitable decline of looks with age was easier to accept with grace & class, charisma & could be leant much more easily.

If the self pay camera at Sainsburys increasingly reflects a melting hag it’s harder to ignore. If you look aged on work Teams calls & bright, young things seeing have the group gravitas your declining in? In a society where beauty is currency you’re an invisible washed up loser.

Stunning, brill, elegant grannies of yore weren’t on candid camera 24/7 & existed a world that valued culture & wit, verve & flair more than hotness on Tiktok!

LoafofSellotape · 01/06/2025 11:32

FlakyCritic · 01/06/2025 10:29

For goodness sake surely you know the difference between cosmetic procedures that are needed ie due to cancer, and for vanity. So you should know those threads are not aimed at you.

So I don't know what the point of this thread even is.

Fancies an argument I think .

Picklepower · 01/06/2025 11:32

Cosmetic procedures obviously have their place but the normalisation of it is disturbing and that's why people hate it so much and judge it (and yes I do judge the handful of mums at DD's school with their terrible terrible trout lips). Why can't people just look like fucking normal human beings. I hate that young girls are growing up thinking this is the expectation of how they look, and the worst part is the filler face looks fucking awful! Look at Kylie Jenner, absolutely destroyed her face at such a young age, created this beauty standard across the world, damaged countless girls self esteem, built a beauty brand, then her filler started basically melting her face and moving then she cried about being bullied over it. FFS.

Whenim63 · 01/06/2025 11:35

Didimum · 01/06/2025 10:54

And that is a categoric lie.

You believe that you, who has never met me and knows nothing about me, knows my motivations better than I do myself? Ok….
Oh and I don’t lie, because I really don’t like it and I really don’t need to.

User14March · 01/06/2025 11:40

Picklepower · 01/06/2025 11:32

Cosmetic procedures obviously have their place but the normalisation of it is disturbing and that's why people hate it so much and judge it (and yes I do judge the handful of mums at DD's school with their terrible terrible trout lips). Why can't people just look like fucking normal human beings. I hate that young girls are growing up thinking this is the expectation of how they look, and the worst part is the filler face looks fucking awful! Look at Kylie Jenner, absolutely destroyed her face at such a young age, created this beauty standard across the world, damaged countless girls self esteem, built a beauty brand, then her filler started basically melting her face and moving then she cried about being bullied over it. FFS.

These inflated lips etc look better on camera than in real life & in a world where you’re, if single, initially judged on hotness in photos & everything is captured online it can be a slippery slope.

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/06/2025 11:43

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:47

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

The short answer: jealousy.

I distinctly remember a thread on here where the OP stated she thought Michelle Keegan was the most beautiful woman ever. Cue so many obvious posts, slagging MK off for 'looking fake, 'having too much work done', 'thinking she's 'IT'... you get the gist. When you and I both know that people would give their right arm to look even vaguely like her.

Some posters are just vile towards other women OP. Best to just ignore them.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 01/06/2025 11:48

This seems contradictory. if you’re doing it because you’ve aged and are unhappy with your looks then surely that’s the very definition of vanity? Although I am intrigued which cancers or treatment ages your face so much that you require lip fillers

Jibberjabba · 01/06/2025 11:49

Picklepower · 01/06/2025 11:32

Cosmetic procedures obviously have their place but the normalisation of it is disturbing and that's why people hate it so much and judge it (and yes I do judge the handful of mums at DD's school with their terrible terrible trout lips). Why can't people just look like fucking normal human beings. I hate that young girls are growing up thinking this is the expectation of how they look, and the worst part is the filler face looks fucking awful! Look at Kylie Jenner, absolutely destroyed her face at such a young age, created this beauty standard across the world, damaged countless girls self esteem, built a beauty brand, then her filler started basically melting her face and moving then she cried about being bullied over it. FFS.

This is so true it’s having an awful impact on the mental health of our young people, its not harmless, completely the opposite.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 12:02

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 11:12

Your first sentence said 'you can tell you've had lip filler, 100%.'

the only bit of make up on my lips was a peach lip balm (that I still have and regularly use) so not a lot there to make my lips 'fake' as you put it.

Either you're wearing lip liner or have had filler in that photo.

Didimum · 01/06/2025 12:19

Whenim63 · 01/06/2025 11:35

You believe that you, who has never met me and knows nothing about me, knows my motivations better than I do myself? Ok….
Oh and I don’t lie, because I really don’t like it and I really don’t need to.

Unless a cosmetic procedure and its desired result popped into your head as a unique and previously unknown concept, then yes, you have been influenced to have one. That is simply true, however you paint it.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:21

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 01/06/2025 11:48

This seems contradictory. if you’re doing it because you’ve aged and are unhappy with your looks then surely that’s the very definition of vanity? Although I am intrigued which cancers or treatment ages your face so much that you require lip fillers

Edited

I was diagnosed with mesothelioma at age 23.

I had many surgeries, I very nearly died. I was ventilated and in a coma.
the 2 chemos I had were doxorubicin and cisplatin. Doxo is known as 'the red devil' because of how hardcore it is.

i, thankfully, never lost my hair. But I blew up like a balloon after chemo and steroids. When my weight dropped back down to my usual slim size, it took every ounce of volume of my face. I was 23 years old. I looked horrific.

chemo also wrecked my teeth, which is why I chose to get composite veneers.

chemo absolutely wrecks you.

also, so what if people are doing it for vanity? What's wrong with that?

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/how-to-deal-with-changes-in-your-appearance-due-to-cancer-treatment.h00-159774867.html#:~:text=Cancer%20treatments%20have%20the%20potential,severely%20shake%20your%20self%2Dconfidence.

How to deal with changes in your appearance due to cancer treatment

How do you make peace with changes in your appearance due to cancer treatments? Clinical social work counselor Haley Groce shares five practical tips.

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/how-to-deal-with-changes-in-your-appearance-due-to-cancer-treatment.h00-159774867.html#:~:text=Cancer%20treatments%20have%20the%20potential,severely%20shake%20your%20self%2Dconfidence.

OP posts:
Didimum · 01/06/2025 12:21

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/06/2025 11:43

The short answer: jealousy.

I distinctly remember a thread on here where the OP stated she thought Michelle Keegan was the most beautiful woman ever. Cue so many obvious posts, slagging MK off for 'looking fake, 'having too much work done', 'thinking she's 'IT'... you get the gist. When you and I both know that people would give their right arm to look even vaguely like her.

Some posters are just vile towards other women OP. Best to just ignore them.

How can it be jealously when these procedures are open and attainable to the vast majority of women? If they wanted them they could have them.

Whenim63 · 01/06/2025 12:23

Didimum · 01/06/2025 12:19

Unless a cosmetic procedure and its desired result popped into your head as a unique and previously unknown concept, then yes, you have been influenced to have one. That is simply true, however you paint it.

Might be true for you, but it’s not for me. I actually did have a very specific reason for doing it and it was absolutely nothing to do with being “influenced” but you are unable to accept that, so crack on with your closed minded attitude.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:24

Jibberjabba · 01/06/2025 11:49

This is so true it’s having an awful impact on the mental health of our young people, its not harmless, completely the opposite.

Why is it harmless for regular folk like me to get cosmetic procedures? If young people are really that easily influenced, they were always gonna do it anyway then.

I understand celebrities advocating it could be harmless for sure.

but us everyday normal folks who aren't famous are not responsible for having harmful impacts on the younger generation. We are not here to softly steer people away from cosmetic procedures. That's not anyone's responsibility apart from the parents of the young.

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:27

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 12:02

Either you're wearing lip liner or have had filler in that photo.

I think I would know if I had filler or not.

and I did not have lip filler in that photo. You either believe it or you don't. I don't really care. But this proves my point of 'you can always tell, it always looks bad blah blah' I have always had a natural 'shelf' above my top lip. Lip liner can give off illusions of bigger lips but from the side the lips look the same. Lip liner does not make your lips look like you've had filler.

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:28

Didimum · 01/06/2025 12:21

How can it be jealously when these procedures are open and attainable to the vast majority of women? If they wanted them they could have them.

Many people don't have them as they can't afford them.

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:30

Whenim63 · 01/06/2025 12:23

Might be true for you, but it’s not for me. I actually did have a very specific reason for doing it and it was absolutely nothing to do with being “influenced” but you are unable to accept that, so crack on with your closed minded attitude.

It's frustrating isn't it.

going by her rhetoric everything you do is influenced them. Popping to Tesco.. you would only ever start going if you've seen others do it.

the whole 'you've been Influenced' is so tiring.

not a single person influenced me to get cosmetic procedures done after cancer and chemo, apart from myself.

OP posts:
Didimum · 01/06/2025 12:30

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:21

I was diagnosed with mesothelioma at age 23.

I had many surgeries, I very nearly died. I was ventilated and in a coma.
the 2 chemos I had were doxorubicin and cisplatin. Doxo is known as 'the red devil' because of how hardcore it is.

i, thankfully, never lost my hair. But I blew up like a balloon after chemo and steroids. When my weight dropped back down to my usual slim size, it took every ounce of volume of my face. I was 23 years old. I looked horrific.

chemo also wrecked my teeth, which is why I chose to get composite veneers.

chemo absolutely wrecks you.

also, so what if people are doing it for vanity? What's wrong with that?

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/how-to-deal-with-changes-in-your-appearance-due-to-cancer-treatment.h00-159774867.html#:~:text=Cancer%20treatments%20have%20the%20potential,severely%20shake%20your%20self%2Dconfidence.

Did you actually ‘look horrific’ or did you just have that image of your appearance? What was that based on? What were you measuring against? What is ‘looking horrific’? (Did you look ill because you were ill and your body had yet to make full physical recovery?).

What age were you when you had the procedures to address what you thought about your appearance, and how much time had past between that and your final chemo?

I don’t ask any of that in snark, I’m genuinely interested.

What’s wrong with vanity? Evolutionary speaking, vanity is the driver to compete with others for the best mate. These sorts of biological drivers (largely) can’t be eradicated, nor, for a few reasons, should they be entirely. But when the means to drive that vanity exceed the biological and evolution necessity for it, that’s when we find harm being done to us as society and as a species.