AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

[PeachSundae]

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

This.

It is best to avoid AIBU and post in relevant sections of the forum

This.

I personally think its up to the individual but there is pressure from society to look a certain way which is a shame.

I think most important thing is having registered practitioners and standards of care to avoid too many problems.

I love my Botox, and loved my lip filler when I had it done, it looked very natural.

it’s a shame there is no therapy to help people being so judgemental. It is not a nice way to be.

I am very alarmed about the rising bar for women. Seems like no one can look normal these days. Everybody has to look like Sabrina Carpenter.

Also alarmed about rising pornification. But if you talk about this" you are a bitter old hag" or a " dried up wrinkly bag" etc etc.

I agree! They're quick to tell us we need therapy, when they evidently need it more.
why do people are about what others spend their hard earned money on? Baffles me

I think you misunderstand the doorbell thing. I don't think people are cowering. They just can't be arsed as it's more than likely a cold caller.

This.

Using cosmetic procedures restoratively is a good use of the techniques that have been developed.

When perfectly healthy people use them, especially when it is to defy natural ageing processes, it creates pressure on everyone to put more resources into their looks. And let’s be real here - due to the patriarchy the pressure is mostly on women.

When you would think in the 21st century that society would collectively have become a little more emotionally intelligent, valuing people for more fundamental qualities than their looks.

I've not seen the comments you suggest. Never seen any post suggesting trans people look like prostitutes or blow up dolls! The threads I've seen around trans debate are more around sex based rights and concerns of women in single sex spaces. Those are very fair concerns and the recent court clarification on sex based rights clarified that area.

No no, you've missed the point.

anyone can talk about it.
it doesn't excuse vilifying and bullying women about their personal cosmetic choices though.

I might also add that nearly all the posts on MN are like " I bet you look beautiful".
It's telling that the highest compliment for a woman is beauty. Not brains or courage or anything else. Bet Dadsnet doesnt have this massive emphasis on being beautiful.
I have a young DD so this worries me.

This ^

I get what you're saying, but there's nothing wrong with telling someone, whoever they are, that they look beautiful. It doesn't exempt any of their other qualities.

People post in AIBU because then moan if people say they are, post in the relevant forums if you want a more sensible discussion, there is a health, beauty and weight loss section here

Bashful doesn't make sense in this context?

It's the Beauty Myth isn't it, and totally understandable to me why some women have a visceral response to the structures that oppress us all. Whether they 'should' be taking it out on individuals is questionable, but something that the choice feminism of the last ~decade really doesn't serve is the recognition that as a sex class we all 'suffer' when some of us opt in to misogynist systems.

Why are you here OP if you find it so hostile?
ps please check meaning of “bashful”.

Also that post was in AIBU wasn't it? I think they'd have get very different responses in style & beauty.

This might be true on social media, but it isnt in real life. Plenty of young people and adults don't look like this, in fact seeing someone looking like sabrina carpenter in the average UK town would be unusual (appreciate some areas its more likely than others though). Even in Essex where we have a reputation for this the majority of people walking around do not.

Every single thread I’ve ever been on about Botox has been toxic as fuck.

One woman said to me that her friends ‘are all intelligent educated women’ so they don’t have time to care about their looks.

And here’s l’il old published author me with my silly Botox.

I don’t give a single fuck what anyone thinks; but the amount of sneering on those thread is absolutely wild. Woman hating other woman is such a depressing trend on here; it’s really become the overall tone of the site. It wasn’t like this 10/15 years ago at all.

I think some women do genuinely care and feel sad that women feel the need to have fillers etc, especially when they’re very young. They worry for their daughters and other young females in their lives. Many probably are commenting on the very obvious types of fillers like you see on Love Island and the Kardashians, rather than the less obvious kind.

If you see bullying, then report it as mumsnet will delete it, but women are allowed to say their thoughts on these things in general, as long as it’s not directed at an individual poster as far as I know.

I think there is definitely a discussion to be had around so many women having cosmetic procedures, especially when young, but I don’t think it’s helpful to mock or be nasty. It’s the internet though so you’re going to get that unfortunately.

I can bore on for ever. Another thing that is deeply alarming is the number of perfectly fine looking women posting pix of themselves in S and B " Do I need lip filler, a facelift, some other filler" and the rush of posters telling them they do.
Yes yes it's her body, but why aren't women allowed to age?

Men are not doing this shit in large numbers. A few like Simon Cowell, but not your average man.

People care because it's depressing how many young women are unhappy with their perfectly normal and lovely faces. The trend to look a certain way has been fuelled by social media and insecurity and the desire to look like their peers. The current 'look' does seem to be for inflated lips and unnaturally tight skin. Many of us think this looks unattractive and obvious.
A subtle enhancement of thin lips or wrinkly/droopy skin is not usually going to attract criticism. It's the acceptance that perfectly normal lips or skin need enhancing that's problematic.

Because at times it's been incredibly supportive.
like through my cancer battle and through supporting me leaving an extremely abusive relationship.

I find topics about cosmetics nasty, which is the purpose of this thread. Not every single topic on MN.

Wow - you've picked the OP up on this twice - in a thread where the OP is trying to have a very valid discussion about how this site can be bullying and unpleasant at times. You are certainly helping to prove the point.

I've touched on this earlier.
you have a point, but why does that excuse bullying and downright nasty bitter comments?

the two don't need to be linked.