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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

276 replies

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:47

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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PaulKnickerless · 01/06/2025 14:15

PaulKnickerless · 01/06/2025 09:08

This.

Using cosmetic procedures restoratively is a good use of the techniques that have been developed.

When perfectly healthy people use them, especially when it is to defy natural ageing processes, it creates pressure on everyone to put more resources into their looks. And let’s be real here - due to the patriarchy the pressure is mostly on women.

When you would think in the 21st century that society would collectively have become a little more emotionally intelligent, valuing people for more fundamental qualities than their looks.

Just to add to this, women statistically earn less if they don’t look good. The average woman spends £570 per year on beauty and grooming.

WigglywagglyWanda · 01/06/2025 14:33

Op, interesting discussion.

It happens on AIBU though, with lots of subjects and I think that while Mumsnet can be the most supportive and helpful forum at times, unfortunately a lot of its cliches are true.

You'll get it with tattoo threads, weightloss injectables, even taking an extra bun from the breakfast buffet.

I mean the section is Am I being unreasonable so it's going to bring out opposite views....

The bit that makes me smile is when you get the comment "you can always tell when it's been done" well no, you can't "always" unless it's been done by a cowboy, or a practitioner who has let you overdo it, which is another conversation.

BIossomtoes · 01/06/2025 14:43

PaulKnickerless · 01/06/2025 14:15

Just to add to this, women statistically earn less if they don’t look good. The average woman spends £570 per year on beauty and grooming.

Source? How can this possibly be true when “looking good” is so subjective?

AudHvamm · 01/06/2025 15:07

Thanks @LucyMonth for your really informative posts. I think women's looks and bodies are routinely used as a projection screen for judgement, disgust, fear etc by our culture. So thank you for bringing the conversation so clearly & knowledgably to the health and social impacts of injectable.

Bushmillsbabe · 01/06/2025 15:24

I don't have an issues with people having whatever they want done.
I do however have issues with them being done by people who are not qualified health professionals and/or who do not make the risks associated with these procedures known to their clients.
Knowing the risks, it's absolutely everyone's right to do what they wish with their body, but it need to be an informed decision.

I inject botox for medical reasons, and I go through all the risks, but I'm shocked at how many people do not know them, particularly around the frequency and spacing of doses. I would never inject anyone more than 3 times total,unless it was the only way to relieve significant pain, and there was no other option. But I read about people having it done every 3-4 months, and getting top ups after a couple of weeks, which shows the person doing it doesn't fully understand how it works. It takes 4-6 weeks to reach fully effect, then lasts 4-6 months, so how on earth someone can say a top up is needed before it's even had a chance to fully work I don't understand.

I also do it under guided ultrasound to ensure correct and specific placement, which does not seem to be commonplace in the cosmetic industry, and again can lead to a lack of precision and people asking for top ups because it wasn't put in the right place originally.

It should be much more tightly regulated.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 16:18

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 12:27

I think I would know if I had filler or not.

and I did not have lip filler in that photo. You either believe it or you don't. I don't really care. But this proves my point of 'you can always tell, it always looks bad blah blah' I have always had a natural 'shelf' above my top lip. Lip liner can give off illusions of bigger lips but from the side the lips look the same. Lip liner does not make your lips look like you've had filler.

You're really doubling down that this is peach lip balm on natural lips?

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
Catinthereallysmallhat · 01/06/2025 16:25

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:55

No, I'm basing it off any singular thread that mentions Botox and fillers.

constantly a stream of miserable women desperate to mock and bully someone for their cosmetic choices.
I posted (under a different UN) about getting composite bonding veneers and received a huge amount of hate, assuming I wanted turkey teeth. I wanted nothing of the sort.

Yeah a lot of them hate it, seen some really hateful comments. Tbf you can get good and bad treatment. I’ve seen horrendous lip filler, but I wouldn’t go around telling people they look like a fish. But I guess the majority are jealous they can’t afford it or know it probably wouldn’t improve their appearance 🤣

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:27

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 16:18

You're really doubling down that this is peach lip balm on natural lips?

You what? Doubling down?

i was 22 in that picture, i had not a single thing injected in my face.

no amount of you (shit) zoom and cropping will magically make filler visible in the picture. Because there is none.

I have freely admitted on here that I've had cosmetic procedures. Why on earth would I 'double down' on a picture where I DONT have it, when I've admitted to having work done after?

are you alright?

OP posts:
Whenim63 · 01/06/2025 16:27

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 16:18

You're really doubling down that this is peach lip balm on natural lips?

You really think you know better than op about what she’s done to her own face? FGS, this thread is mental.

HansHolbein · 01/06/2025 16:33

OP, have you posted about this before? It sounds familiar. Not being a dick, just wondering.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:35

HansHolbein · 01/06/2025 16:33

OP, have you posted about this before? It sounds familiar. Not being a dick, just wondering.

I've not made my own thread about it, no, but I've replied to threads before about this topic, yes

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:39

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime seeing as you're so fixated on trying to get your 'gotcha' moment, here are 3 images of my lips, without a single ounce of filler in them. The (very cringe) posed one where you can see my face, and the black and white photos, are from when I was younger than aged 18.

the one with the same peach lip balm that I wear is also with no filler in.

I haven't shared a single picture of my face for the purpose of this thread, with filler in. Posters like yourself who are adamant that you can spot filler are showing yourselves up, as you're looking for something that's not there.

I've said I'm happy to share a comparison of my face post - fillers. But you really do look very stupid pretending to know my face better than I do. A little lip liner and a lip tint can make heaps of difference. And you know this.

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:41

(And yes I had a tattoo before I was 18, I'll take myself off to the naughty step)

OP posts:
ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 16:49

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:27

You what? Doubling down?

i was 22 in that picture, i had not a single thing injected in my face.

no amount of you (shit) zoom and cropping will magically make filler visible in the picture. Because there is none.

I have freely admitted on here that I've had cosmetic procedures. Why on earth would I 'double down' on a picture where I DONT have it, when I've admitted to having work done after?

are you alright?

Oh yes, I'm alright. I'm not the one furiously posting pictures of my face for attention and trying to prove that (shit) filler or makeup don't exist. Good luck with it all.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:51

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 01/06/2025 16:49

Oh yes, I'm alright. I'm not the one furiously posting pictures of my face for attention and trying to prove that (shit) filler or makeup don't exist. Good luck with it all.

Huh?

I haven't once said shit make up and filler don't exist?

I really don't think you're okay. You seem to be confused.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 01/06/2025 16:55

Yanbu
I hate the Mumsnet attitude that women who have Botox work etc are setting unrealistic standards etc. I am responsible for myself, not for everyone else.
I love how I look with Botox and when ppl here say ‘you can always tell’ well good tbh, I paid enough for it 🤣
Live and let live, imo. I prefer my face with a bit of btx- like others prefer make up,highlights etc

Namechangedformyanswer · 01/06/2025 16:57

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 16:39

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime seeing as you're so fixated on trying to get your 'gotcha' moment, here are 3 images of my lips, without a single ounce of filler in them. The (very cringe) posed one where you can see my face, and the black and white photos, are from when I was younger than aged 18.

the one with the same peach lip balm that I wear is also with no filler in.

I haven't shared a single picture of my face for the purpose of this thread, with filler in. Posters like yourself who are adamant that you can spot filler are showing yourselves up, as you're looking for something that's not there.

I've said I'm happy to share a comparison of my face post - fillers. But you really do look very stupid pretending to know my face better than I do. A little lip liner and a lip tint can make heaps of difference. And you know this.

What do.they look like now @PeachSundae , now you've had work done are they much larger or just a bit bigger. Which part have you had filler in now? Is this years ago?

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 17:05

Namechangedformyanswer · 01/06/2025 16:57

What do.they look like now @PeachSundae , now you've had work done are they much larger or just a bit bigger. Which part have you had filler in now? Is this years ago?

This is me now!

so the total I've had done (this is spanning since 2018 so some treatments I haven't had done for years)

composite veneers
botox in my 11s, one area only
1ml filler in my lips to bring the volume back that chemo lost
tear trough for my under eyes
a touch (a tiny tiny amount) of chin filler. Chin filler was I think probably 6 years ago and I haven't had it done since.

this is a fairly recent picture taken within the last 12 months :)

if you saw what I looked like post chemo and the amount of volume I lost, you'd probably see why I tweaked myself again to feel like myself

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 17:05

Oh @Namechangedformyanswerim 30 now by the way, just for age reference for the pics

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 01/06/2025 17:09

@PeachSundae you look incredible- wish you love on your journey back to full health

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 17:12

Grapewrath · 01/06/2025 17:09

@PeachSundae you look incredible- wish you love on your journey back to full health

Thank you, I really wasn't posting on here for any compliments. It was more so for the purpose of the thread, but thank you. That's very kind ❤️

OP posts:
IwasDueANameChange · 01/06/2025 17:15

There's a big difference between a cosmetic procedure to restore an actually damaged face/area of skin (eg ravaged by cancer) vs a perfectly healthy natural face with filler added.

The whole point being that the latter tends to be more obvious as there's no need for it, there's nothing there to restore or repair, its just a very obvious addition.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 17:23

IwasDueANameChange · 01/06/2025 17:15

There's a big difference between a cosmetic procedure to restore an actually damaged face/area of skin (eg ravaged by cancer) vs a perfectly healthy natural face with filler added.

The whole point being that the latter tends to be more obvious as there's no need for it, there's nothing there to restore or repair, its just a very obvious addition.

But there shouldn't be anything wrong with an addition, this is my point.

if someone wants to have work done so be it. Not everyone has to agree of course! But it doesn't mean those of us who do have work done, for whatever reason, need to be spoken to and about so appallingly from the ones on their high horses because they can't don't get anything done.

OP posts:
Tessiebear2023 · 01/06/2025 17:33

All through history we've made weird and wonderful body modifications in order to stand out and look a certain way; tattoos, neck lengthening, piercing, wigs, skin staining or whitening, corsets, scarring, stretching, head-shaping.. the list goes on. It all goes around and comes around, some like it, some don't. Some do it to extremes.

One minute bras are a symbol of enforced femininity and subjugation of women to particular beauty standards, and the next they are practical clothing that enable us to do sports or just be more comfortable, or to help someone wear a prosthetic after surgery, and the next they are a symbol for our sexual expression and confidence and freedom.

These things can go through various interpretations, and several different things can be true at the same time. Just deciding fillers = vain/bad is lazy and tiresome.

Namechangedformyanswer · 01/06/2025 17:37

@PeachSundae you are beautiful. I've no idea what 11's are though.

I've never had anything done but I'm plain so no amount of tweaks would grange that. I'm OK with that though, it is what it is

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