AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

[PeachSundae]

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

This is incredibly patronising. Why do you assume women are being “hoodwinked” and are not capable of assessing risk and making decisions for themselves? And that all women are so influenced by social media that they run round willy nilly doing whatever, with absolutely no thought? I would suggest you “take some time to evaluate” that!

You can tell you’ve had lip filler. 100%. Your lips do not not look like natural lips, they look like fake lips. That or specific make up has been applied, which in a 2D image will give them the appearance of having been filled.

Your eyebrows are also overly shaped and filled to the point they do not look like natural eyebrows. Your skin tone also does not compliment the colouring of your hair or eyebrows, the way natural skin tone and hair colour does. The above additions and alterations to your appearance have eroded your individuality.

These are not insults, they are observations.

the comments on the post state 'no one looks good with filler / Botox' - so someone like me would come under that camp. When all I was trying to do was restore some life back into my face after cancer and chemotherapy.

That's completely different though, surely?

Yes theres a lot of hate but usually from people who don’t know what they are talking about in tje first place! I just think to myself that they are embarrassing themselves talking shit on the internet.

Why do I look fine in a mirror but like I need a facelift on F time or Zoom? Or in store check out cameras? This is driving surgery IMO.

Yep, I’ve evaluated it over many years, thanks.

‘Her body her choice’ (exempt from healthcare settings) is all too often used to blindly accept individual choices when on mass cause harm to the many.

If you can find me someone who has had cosmetic procedures who has not been influenced to do so by social media, advertisements or seeing something on mass in real life, then be my guest – I have yet to encounter it.

I’d be interested to see that statistic broken down by age group though.

This is correct. Modern fillers are hyaluronic acid (the clear stuff in your eyeballs). I've spoken to two dermatologists about it (one of whom works for the NHS and wasn't trying to sell me a procedure) and it's a natural substance that exists in all our bodies. Used properly by an experienced professional, it's safe and temporary.

The horror stories about people being left scarred with glue and other horrible substances, were obviously being "treated" by complete cowboys.

Both derms that I spoke to were actually quite relaxed about me thinking of getting fillers to help my acne scars. One actually recommended the doctor that I am considering having a procedure with.

Oh do look around you. more self awareness of our own human limitations would be a start

why do companies pay more for advertising than for developing new products? Because advertising works. it’s a manipulation. Something you didn’t want now you do. Even if you think you are different and special and it doesn’t affect you like that

why did women in the 1800s where super tight clothes that broke ribs and led to more death on childbirth - because fashion is part of what signifies how you belong in society and society is what makes us human. Without society - without hunters coming together to hunt - we wouldn’t be the species we are with mobile phones and paracetamol.

we have the choice as humans to shape that society and I think that mental physical health would be a lot better if we focussed a little less on making women look a certain way and a little more on valuing what we do. We are not ornaments. But commercially ornamentation of women is big easy money.

people who look a certain way are seen as part of your social group and those who look different are excluded - it’s called racism in many cases but we continue to embed that innate animal response into everything we do

First off 'bashful' means shy so I'm not sure what you're trying to say.

That aside, its unlikely in real life that anyone is going to come up to you and ask what you think of their cosmetic surgery and if they did, the look on many peoples faces would say it all if they thought it looked awful.

Its not about 'tearing someone down' it's about acknowledging the fact that most cosmetic surgery looks terrible whether it's on a man or a woman.

I'm laughing at the suggestion that women on here are trying to challenge beauty standards. No they're not, they're being bitchy and cruel. Its snobbery, so many of the comments are about women who have too much lip filler, wear bold make up, like athlesure wear etc. It isnt how good middle class girls are expected to look or act.

Facial paralysis

Good post. I have botox, so am 'the other side' but respect your views and find your comments interesting. I also wish there could be measured respectful discussions rather than the constant resorting to insults about other women. As soon as a poster starts basing their argument in the aesthetics rather than the health and societal issues, I switch off and any reasonable point they may be making is lost.

I would never post horrible things like this about cosmetic procedures.

However, I am generally not positively disposed towards it, and to answer your question ‘why’, the honest answer is that while I don't want to have any procedures on my own face, the thought lingers that if enough women choose to, then I will become the outlier and look haggard and old and unkempt in comparison.

I suppose I resist the ‘norm’ travelling in a direction that I do not want to go.

It is snobbery. Meanwhile, there are sooo many middle class women secretly having little bits of work done (with barely detectable, natural results), and openly snarking at those that have the more "bold" procedures.

It kind of reminds me of the guys who boastfully say they like "natural women", yet always gravitate to the most polished looking woman in the room who probably spent 2 hours getting ready.

Well, congratulations, you have now! Pleased to meet you.

See this is why I posted what I did.

that picture was taken in 2016, I was 22 years old. I had cancer treatment in 2017, 2018. At 23 & 24.

I didn't have any cosmetic treatments done then. It was before my treatment for cancer.

which proves you can't always tell. Also, (not you personally) people going around insulting the way people look due to bad filler etc, turns out those people may be just insulating the way somebody naturally looks.

I had nothing injected in my face at this point. Yes I drew in my eye brows, and wasn't the best at make up placement. (I'd like to think I've improved now) but no procedures done here. Happy to post a 'post-cosmetic procedure' picture for comparison.

Beginning to see women I work with getting preventive Botox in their 20s for their non-existent " wrinkles" and frankly I find it terrifying.

No one can convince me that this is a 'free choice'.

And that is a categoric lie.

That’s why I said that OR make up that creates the 2D illusion of it – because it does.

I was recommended fillers, and an experienced doctor to perform them, by my NHS dermatologist. Nothing else will treat my extensive, severe acne scars.

I'm still having difficulty deciding to have them, thanks to the shitty attitude towards people (sorry, women) who get facial cosmetic procedures.

I don't know anyone who goes around insulting people who have cosmetic procedures to their face, OP.

You can't police what people think in their heads. Or say on a forum, unless it is targeted bullying. In which case, report it.

Those that look ‘best’ get the ‘best’ men & it’s getting worse. At Uni the boys only want to date, note I say date not have sex, with the slimmest prettiest young women possible regardless of character.

The offensive comments designed to tear people down and give the poster a sense of smug self righteousness are horrible and bullying. I do think that we need to reflect and have a conversation about what it means to paralyse our faces, remove natural expression and exist as masks. I say this as someone who has had botox twice and has friends who have it and look great, it's not a place of judgement but my own thought process on whether it's a route I'm going to choose in the long term. I don't know. I think that older women should be able to look angry, and raise an eyebrow and smile with their eyes. We lose a lot in giving that up, until I had it myself I don't think I really appreciated that. Even the subtle well done work changes the way the face moves, someone said to me you can always tell because people smile with their nose. It's true! The only bit that still moves freely, do we want to be a generation of women who can't make facial expressions, and will that shift how we communicate and what we perceive as normal? We should definitely be talking about that, the nastiness is lazy, unthoughtful and unkind.

I’m glad you feel better! Yes it’s only the ones who have done too much that looks bad, people don’t notice the good subtle work which is the majority. I went out last night and the bubble lips looked horrible, but the ones who don’t go too far just blend in with everyone else.