AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

[PeachSundae]

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

If a certain part of a forum is a space where people feel validated and ok with venting abuse towards other women, then that area needs to be removed. Sure, I could just ignore it, but that’s just accepting that it’s ok to bully and belittle others.

Those lip fillers are hideous. No wonder somebody's husband isn't happy. Imagine if men suddenly appeared having had lip fillers.

If you are increasing the volume then sorry, it’s swollen . As lips are naturally the size they are, when you inject it swells, you can see also the lips look really dry as they tissue is stretching to accommodate the swelling/volume

It is fake ans looks fake, people can hide behind whatever they want it is fake so people are calling it what it is

There is nothing on this planet that will make me say ot is a great idea or looks good and and I would say people who do it can only have very low self esteem

I don't see how saying to somome with inflated lips they look fabulous, or have their skin so stretched it looks like elastic that they look younger it isn't true

People are fully entitled to do what they like but it does not look good just because they want it too

I was a teacher (secondary) for many years.

it was common to see girls get to year 9/year 10 and start using lots of make up etc and often if you spoke to them it was because they believed they were ugly.
They weren’t.

personally I don’t like the idea that women in particular need to make sure their face is a particular level of not-ugly.

I wouldn’t mind so much if it was for other reasons but it was quite unpleasant to watch the process of peer pressure and awareness of social expectations kick in.

i do understand that people who think they are ugly want things to help them not feel that way. I’m disabled and I go to massive effort to hide my scars and my foot, even swimming in an Islamic swimming costume because western ones show my scars.

but honestly I’d prefer a world where people can be accepted for who they are and it does upset me that people feel the need to do this.

I have to agree with this. It's a real concern for me. I have worked with beautiful young women who are drenched in self-loathing. They have often been viciously bullied as children / teens and all the cosmetic treatments in the world will never give more than a moment's satisfaction. The work they need to do is in their head not on their face. It's really important to push back against these ever-increasing demands to look a certain way - perpetually youthful and with a very pornified look.

With all that said, I'm delighted your cosmetic treatments helped you feel better OP. Your situation is one where the benefit makes complete sense. I hope you continue to improve your health in every way 💐

It migrates if it's done badly.

some people choose to have a subtle amount of filler to fix a cleft lip, for example. Or evening out a blemish.

a friend of mine had scarring from boiling water on her lips and chin. Filler had made this nearly undetectable. She doesn't look swollen and has no migration.

filler isnt always used to make something 'bigger'

I’ve had Botox and lip filler and no one, not even DH has noticed but I have had people say I look well, glowing and rested. When I look in the mirror the niggles that bothered me have gone for now and that’s cheered me up no end and I’m pleased it’s not changed my appearance to others as that’s not why I did it. I have seen some shocking’tweaks’ and cosmetic things that make me wonder what the person was thinking but why add to their insecurities.

I genuinely think there is so much pressure on women, teenagers, young girls etc to look like like insta filtered caricatures. Its not a good look and it is obvious. Look at the pictures of girls and women before the cosmetic industry preyed on women, everyone was unique and so much more indivualty

Yes that is fine as there is an area to be filled. People adding filler when there is not a cleft area to be filled it looks puffy and their eyes change shape. Kyle who is mid 20s looks 40 with all the best done filler

This is EXACTLY the attitude that the OP is on about. It’s ignorant AND judgemental. My best friend has had lip filler for over 12 years (before I met her) . I only found this out last year - because she told me. Her top lip kinda disappeared as she got into her 50s. It made her miserable as couldn’t wear lipstick which she likes to do if going out.

You would be amazed at the amount of people - men included, who have a little filler of Botox. After my bf confessed her lip filler secret , I admitted my filler in my marionette lines and nasolabial lines. Without which my face has a permanent miserable look when not actively laughing.
My dentist provides this service and is extremely skilled in restoring rather than enhancing.
My kids didn’t even know I had this until my 23 year old saw a woman crossing the road with the ‘social media uniform’ of thick micro bladed eyebrows, extremely long black heavy extended eyelashes and over filled lips. and declared like you that ‘filler looks so awful and fake’ . So I told her I had had it for years and she had never noticed, she just thought I was lucky with my genetics. Don’t tar everyone with the same brush. There are many of us who use these procedures and you would never be able to tell !

Here you go then, pick the bones out of that, which is my face. No filter on it.

tell me what you think looks bad, and what looks fake.

genuinely looking for answers here so go to town!

It’s very sad that there’s so much focus on women’s looks, that they feel they must have cosmetic procedures.

As for the comments, welcome to the internet. If you are going to use forums like this, then you have to ignore the troll accounts. The anonymity brings out the worst in some people but you won’t stop it. You just have to filter it out.

It looks totally weird. Not that much different from neck stretching and lip stretching. IMHO. Thankfully those practices are dying out. I hope this lip filling does too.

Just to add, the thread about the husband being upset by the filler was always going to be cat nip to group three, who love nothing more than evidence men don't like procedures.

Don’t twist it op, I have no issue with someone having it done for a cleft pallet. The issue is with people who don’t have concerns like that and they are pumping their face. Have you seen a scan of a face with filler? It hardens and blocks glands, it’s not good, the body can’t filter out toxins if there is hardened filler everywhere

YABU to compare necessary cosmetic surgery to people who have it for fun (and usually go overboard)

I do find it fascinating that there is such an apparent insistence on bodily autonomy when it comes to abortion rights and no right at all for men to be involved (which I agree with) but then no bodily autonomy for almost anything else including cosmetic procedures where suddenly women are too stupid, too influenced by the patriarchy bla bla bla.
It’s a weird site with the strangest take in feminism I’ve ever come across.

I didn’t know that. Scary.

As I said, if you think it’s a personal attack, the report it, but as long as it’s a general comment, which saying ‘everyone’ makes it, mumsnet won’t delete it ime.

I think you are taking the criticism of cosmetic procedures too personally. If they’ve helped you and you’re happy, stop caring what posters on here think. All you’ll do is get pissed off. You won’t change opinions on the whole.

Thank you! So much conflation from op

I so agree. In some parts of London, every young girl looks exactly the same. Instafiltered.
DD and all her friends look alike. She hasn't had anything done, but they all have the same look. Long straightened hair - short hair is for boys or trans- full lips, dermabladed eyebrows, perfect skin..

Makes me long for the individuality of my teen years, when we all had pimples, short hair, curly hair, all types of lips...

There was nothing necessary about mine.

I couldn't chosen not to have it. It was always an option.

Ah, so it's only okay for someone to have cosmetic procedures if it meets your criteria of 'necessary.'

got it.

Of course, hardened chemicals under the skin is not good. Everything in the body is working in synchronicity, adding concrete to the face is bad news.