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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?

276 replies

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:47

Morning all.
trying not to make this a taat. There is a current thread running about a woman who had 0.5 lip filler, and her husband isn't happy about it. The comments are filled with bitchy, nasty women tearing her down.
multiple women on here say that anyone with cosmetic procedures looks 'fake, like a blow up doll, like a prostitute, like a duck, trout pout' and the list goes on. The comments are abhorrent. Yes, there are some very bad / botched jobs out there. But so many posters say 'filler never looks good, you can always tell' etc etc. you wouldn't notice good filler, that's the point. You will evidently notice bad filler.

cosmetic prosecutes can be invaluable to people. I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer at 23, gruelling chemotherapy sapped every single bit of life out of my face. I aged overnight. I've had cosmetic work done to my face to try and get a bit of normality back, it's been a godsend for me. No amount of therapy or counselling would've done that. And some people don't want therapy or counselling! Some people aren't doing it to be vein, some are like me and doing it for my reasons. Also, so what if people are doing it for vanity! It's so nice to read the assumption that I look like a blow up doll, and that I look fake. Without even seeing my face and without knowing what I've been through.

AIBU to think this whole 'trout pout, every woman with filler looks like XYZ' is just horrible? The comments on the other thread are nothing short of bullying.

if you're one that judges so badly on what other people do, why? Why do you care? If you do judge, you are not on some sort of morale high ground because you're 'au natural.'

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:22

Also apologies for getting 'bashful' wrong.

I genuinely thought it meant giving someone a hard time. Like giving someone a 'bash' means hitting them. Easily done.

AIBU to think there's an awful attitude on MN to cosmetic procedures?
OP posts:
5128gap · 01/06/2025 09:23

I think the women who express strong negative opinions fall into three broad categories. The ones who haven't a clue what they're talking about and think that all procedures give the exaggerated result they see on women with excessive or poorly executed work. Because they've never seen subtle work (because it's subtle!) they only judge by worst case scenarios. Then we have the genuinely concerned who have read about health impacts and are also often coming at it from a feminist perspective of women being 'pressurised' to harm themselves. Then we have the third group (who typically pretend to be in groups one or two) who don't want procedures themselves but are not happy with their own aging and want everyone to be in the same boat 'growing old gracefully' rather than cheating. They are usually identifiable by their venom, because for them it's personal. They usually have some anecdote about men laughing at women who've had procedures and are liberal with the 'duck' 'alien' comments, and will often say they have no procedures but everyone says they look 15 years younger.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:23

lifemakeover · 01/06/2025 09:20

Wow - you've picked the OP up on this twice - in a thread where the OP is trying to have a very valid discussion about how this site can be bullying and unpleasant at times. You are certainly helping to prove the point.

Yep! Literally proves my point. Some posters just pick and pick and pick.

thanks for the support 🙂

OP posts:
Endiof · 01/06/2025 09:23

The whole site isn't bullying and unsupportive though, mainly just AIBU where OP has chose to post and is discussing a thread posted on there

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:24

Endiof · 01/06/2025 09:23

The whole site isn't bullying and unsupportive though, mainly just AIBU where OP has chose to post and is discussing a thread posted on there

But no one has answered this yet.

why does posting in AIBU mean the poster should receive personal insults and attacks?

posting in AIBU to get to the point / sometimes harsh replies yes. Bullying? No.

OP posts:
AudHvamm · 01/06/2025 09:24

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 08:59

Yes you're right!
(someone will be long to tell us we should I've spent that money on counselling and therapy for our low self esteem issues🤣)

Not necessarily, but there are other ways to bring light and love back to your face - facials, reflexology, massage - all improve the quality of your skin and are more therapeutic, especially as touch-based, than injections. I'm sorry to hear you've had a difficult time with your health, but I don't think the dichotomy is 'get therapy to sort your attitude out' vs 'inject poison into your face'.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:24

5128gap · 01/06/2025 09:23

I think the women who express strong negative opinions fall into three broad categories. The ones who haven't a clue what they're talking about and think that all procedures give the exaggerated result they see on women with excessive or poorly executed work. Because they've never seen subtle work (because it's subtle!) they only judge by worst case scenarios. Then we have the genuinely concerned who have read about health impacts and are also often coming at it from a feminist perspective of women being 'pressurised' to harm themselves. Then we have the third group (who typically pretend to be in groups one or two) who don't want procedures themselves but are not happy with their own aging and want everyone to be in the same boat 'growing old gracefully' rather than cheating. They are usually identifiable by their venom, because for them it's personal. They usually have some anecdote about men laughing at women who've had procedures and are liberal with the 'duck' 'alien' comments, and will often say they have no procedures but everyone says they look 15 years younger.

Completely agree and you've put it much better than me!

OP posts:
CharlotteRumpling · 01/06/2025 09:25

5128gap · 01/06/2025 09:23

I think the women who express strong negative opinions fall into three broad categories. The ones who haven't a clue what they're talking about and think that all procedures give the exaggerated result they see on women with excessive or poorly executed work. Because they've never seen subtle work (because it's subtle!) they only judge by worst case scenarios. Then we have the genuinely concerned who have read about health impacts and are also often coming at it from a feminist perspective of women being 'pressurised' to harm themselves. Then we have the third group (who typically pretend to be in groups one or two) who don't want procedures themselves but are not happy with their own aging and want everyone to be in the same boat 'growing old gracefully' rather than cheating. They are usually identifiable by their venom, because for them it's personal. They usually have some anecdote about men laughing at women who've had procedures and are liberal with the 'duck' 'alien' comments, and will often say they have no procedures but everyone says they look 15 years younger.

I think I fall in Group 2 but who knows! do know that DH cant tell the difference between women who have had cosmetic procedures and those who haven't.
I think most men can't, unless it's Madonna.

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:26

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:20

Because at times it's been incredibly supportive.
like through my cancer battle and through supporting me leaving an extremely abusive relationship.

I find topics about cosmetics nasty, which is the purpose of this thread. Not every single topic on MN.

Mumsnet are not going to stop a posters giving their opinion on cosmetic procedures, even if it’s one that you don’t like. I don’t like some things on here, but I like other parts of the site, so I just have to either accept the things I don’t like, don’t look at them or like I often do, challenge them. Challenging them rarely changes anyone’s opinion though, so don’t expect it to and don’t let it get to you. If you’re happy with your choices, it really doesn’t matter what anyone on here thinks and that’s the important things to remember.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:26

AudHvamm · 01/06/2025 09:24

Not necessarily, but there are other ways to bring light and love back to your face - facials, reflexology, massage - all improve the quality of your skin and are more therapeutic, especially as touch-based, than injections. I'm sorry to hear you've had a difficult time with your health, but I don't think the dichotomy is 'get therapy to sort your attitude out' vs 'inject poison into your face'.

Fillers are made from hyaluronic acid, a natural water-binding substance that can be found all over our bodies. They are not toxic.

Botox is, I think, but filler is not.

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:26

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:26

Mumsnet are not going to stop a posters giving their opinion on cosmetic procedures, even if it’s one that you don’t like. I don’t like some things on here, but I like other parts of the site, so I just have to either accept the things I don’t like, don’t look at them or like I often do, challenge them. Challenging them rarely changes anyone’s opinion though, so don’t expect it to and don’t let it get to you. If you’re happy with your choices, it really doesn’t matter what anyone on here thinks and that’s the important things to remember.

Personally, I'd rather challenge bullying though. But that's just the person I am.

OP posts:
JumpingPumpkin · 01/06/2025 09:27

I hate the pressure that women (and increasingly men) are under to look a certain way. I am glad that cosmetic procedures have helped the OP post surgery and illness, as I am glad to have a false tooth following losing one.

The issue here seems to be the use of “always” when what people mean is they can frequently see the effects of cosmetic procedures and think it looks worse than natural faces.

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:29

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:24

But no one has answered this yet.

why does posting in AIBU mean the poster should receive personal insults and attacks?

posting in AIBU to get to the point / sometimes harsh replies yes. Bullying? No.

Mumsnet will delete personal insults and attacks if you report.

However, a poster saying they think anyone with lip fillers looks like a sex doll or whatever, is a not a personal attack, as it’s not aimed at an individual.

librathroughandthrough · 01/06/2025 09:29

I don’t like it’s a bubble at all, Mumsnet is not an autonomous body, everyone has their own views. It just so happens that the vast majority don’t think swollen lips looks good.

ShiningStar3 · 01/06/2025 09:30

I think criticism of the beauty industry is perfectly valid, but that can be done without shaming individuals.

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:32

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:26

Personally, I'd rather challenge bullying though. But that's just the person I am.

It’s not bullying for a poster to say something generally negative about lip fillers though.

AudHvamm · 01/06/2025 09:32

Eta - meant to quote OP'S response about botox vs filler.

That is an important clarification - I did know that about hyaluronic acid, however presumably the stuff available for clinical use is not from human bodies but synthesised in some way and treated to make it stable. I've used it topically but would consider having it injected into my body as introducing a foreign substance.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:33

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:29

Mumsnet will delete personal insults and attacks if you report.

However, a poster saying they think anyone with lip fillers looks like a sex doll or whatever, is a not a personal attack, as it’s not aimed at an individual.

Edited

How is it not a personal attack?

a poster posts about getting filler

that poster gets a reply saying don't do it, as everyone who does looks like a sex doll

'everyone' being the key word here. So saying the OP looks like a sex doll. Without even seeing her face or knowing the backstory.

OP posts:
Auroraloves · 01/06/2025 09:33

5128gap · 01/06/2025 09:23

I think the women who express strong negative opinions fall into three broad categories. The ones who haven't a clue what they're talking about and think that all procedures give the exaggerated result they see on women with excessive or poorly executed work. Because they've never seen subtle work (because it's subtle!) they only judge by worst case scenarios. Then we have the genuinely concerned who have read about health impacts and are also often coming at it from a feminist perspective of women being 'pressurised' to harm themselves. Then we have the third group (who typically pretend to be in groups one or two) who don't want procedures themselves but are not happy with their own aging and want everyone to be in the same boat 'growing old gracefully' rather than cheating. They are usually identifiable by their venom, because for them it's personal. They usually have some anecdote about men laughing at women who've had procedures and are liberal with the 'duck' 'alien' comments, and will often say they have no procedures but everyone says they look 15 years younger.

You’ve got this spot on

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:33

librathroughandthrough · 01/06/2025 09:29

I don’t like it’s a bubble at all, Mumsnet is not an autonomous body, everyone has their own views. It just so happens that the vast majority don’t think swollen lips looks good.

But not everyone who has filler has swollen lips?

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:34

ShakeItLoose · 01/06/2025 09:32

It’s not bullying for a poster to say something generally negative about lip fillers though.

I agree.

but that's the whole point. You can say something in disagreement or negative without being a bully.

OP posts:
PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:34

ShiningStar3 · 01/06/2025 09:30

I think criticism of the beauty industry is perfectly valid, but that can be done without shaming individuals.

Completely agree!

OP posts:
librathroughandthrough · 01/06/2025 09:35

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:33

But not everyone who has filler has swollen lips?

What? Of course they do? They are doing it to increase the size of their lips, so they’re swollen. The volume has increased. The product migrates up to the space in between the nose and lips, you can see it with side profile.

CharlotteRumpling · 01/06/2025 09:35

I don't actually think that everyone who has lip fillers looks like a sex doll.
I am just opposed to injectables on principle. It's one more of those things the beauty industrial complex has convinced us we need to do to be good enough women.
And no, they are not the same as lipstick.

PeachSundae · 01/06/2025 09:35

AudHvamm · 01/06/2025 09:32

Eta - meant to quote OP'S response about botox vs filler.

That is an important clarification - I did know that about hyaluronic acid, however presumably the stuff available for clinical use is not from human bodies but synthesised in some way and treated to make it stable. I've used it topically but would consider having it injected into my body as introducing a foreign substance.

Edited

Do you apply makeup? Bleach or dye your hair? The skin is the biggest organ and absorbs chemicals, whether topically applied or injected.

OP posts: