Aibu to feel like an embarrassment to DH and my family?

[Amelia1909]

So my father who golfs with my DH tells him he’s concerned - apparently I look haggard. Nice choice of words. He wants to know if DH is missing something. Apparently im
so fat I must be drinking alcohol
to excess?? I’m bloated and fat according to my dad.

just absorbing this when DH is sitting outside with me this evening enjoying the late sun. I say why are you staring at me - he says ‘your eyebrows are blonde again do you need to do them’.

so I’m 52. Fair skinned and blonde. I feel
like utter shit. Everyone is judging me, my appearance, how I’m aging. Please tell
me I’m being unreasonable and others feel
like this?! This is not a vanity post. I think I look ok but evidently not. Do I need to man up and accept I look like crap or is this horrible?! Be gentle please. We have two teenage daughters age 17 and 18.

How absolutely horrible of your father and your husband.

I'm so sorry they've made you feel so bad about yourself.

No you don't need to man up! You need to lose two men - those dickheads. How dare they!
I'm sure they could both give Brad Pitt a run for his money. Fuckers

God honestly I’m so grateful
for your reply that I’m not insane and that it IS actually ok for me to feel upset about this whole thing.

Tell them both to get to fuck and buy themselves a mirror each..

Seriously! Who the fuck do they think they are?
You should comment on their beer bellies / receding hair/ veiny legs etc

Ugh my sister is like just ignore it but I feel like a self conscious teenager again and just want to hide. The power of words eh! Thank you for not making me feel
like im not over thinking this xx

Are you sure your Dad actually said this, or is it your DH’s version of what your dad supposedly said ?

If your father actually said that why the fuck did your H tell you, followed by a nasty comment of his own? Awful.

I'd be upset too, @Amelia1909 . How to make someone feel terrible in their own skin! I feel so cross for you. It's them not you. ❤

So I take it your Dad looks like Anthony Hopkins and your DH Brad pitt? No? Oh well they can fuck off then.

Don't forget to give a full appraisal of your husbands disappointing peen tonight to return the favour.

I would be absolutely raging. Tell them both to fuck right off.

Wonderful, isn’t it, being part of a looks/weight obsessed family? 🙄
Sympathies.

Haggard AND bloated? FFS it sounds like utter spite, uncalled for and plain rude. And to criticise your eyebrows is pathetic baby bully behaviour. I know this must be painful and hard to ignore, but you will have an army of M friends urging you to do just that. These men feel inadequate, that is the simple reason they are picking on you. You are better.

Oh OP, I'd be upset too, angry upset. How dare they? That is no way to speak to (or about) any one, let alone your loved ones, even if genuinely motivated by concern, your Father and Husband are totally out of order and really unkind x x x x

Did you ask your husband when is he doing his eyebrows?

That's really horrible of both of them.

It is a mortal sin to be overweight in my
family. Anorexic mother, sister and aunt which is always fun
I have spent years trying to protect my own girls from this - but I find myself in a place where I hate who I am because of how others see me. It doesn’t seem to count that
I’m a kind generous person, that I am a professional woman who works hard. I’m sorry this really sounds like I’m crying into my beer. I just want to hide from everyone and maybe I’m just seeking some solidarity from some amazing women who feel the same way. Judgement is so corrosive.

Sorry about your family problems and dynamic. The problem is them. And your H.

Others in RL won’t be looking at you with such critical eyes/own crap in their heads.

And yet it’s women who are stereotyped as mean and bitchy. Your dad sounds like a deeply unpleasant and misogynistic dickhead. Your husband needs to learn that he doesn’t need to voice his opinions about other people’s (your) appearance unless specifically asked to by them.

Your dad says horrible things about the way you look to your 'd' h and he just casually repeats them back to you? If that was my dh he would have gone absolutely nuclear if someone spoke about me like that. You've got a problem for sure, but it's not your appearance it's the joker you've married!

I'd rethink how much you want dad and h in your life.

I cannot imagine a parent saying such horrible things about their child, and to their spouse. If he was genuinely concerned about your health, he'd have a discreet word with you.
And your husband sounds equally dreadful ☹️.

What on earth is wrong with your Dad, talk about nasty. 😡

The only justification I can think of for his comments is if you've been under a lot of pressure lately/ working particularly hard and you could be looking overtired and stressed. Is that possible? Regardless, he's made a hash of expressing his concern.

You look after yourself and if you have been overstretched lately, start pulling back and prioritizing yourself. Perhaps you'll be less available to your parents?!

Your dad plays golf, that's all I need to know to ascertain that his opinion is not worth listening to.
My suggestion to you is to tell your dad and your husband to eff off.

Judgement like this - from people who are supposed to love and respect you- is so toxic and ‘corrosive’ as you say. You poor poor thing. Well done on trying to protect your children from such superficial shit.

I’m not impressed with your husband for reporting such horrible comments back to you.

It's quite telling that it wasn't a comment made in concern about your stress levels or health in general and how they ( 2 men in your life ) could help you, no, no just pure superficial judgement.

You are not the person with the problem here op except these men and their awful attitude to you.

I think you would benefit from some therapy to help build your self esteem and develop ways you can put some boundaries in place to help you manage these selfish awful men.