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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find preparing 3 meals a day an absolute grind

168 replies

Bobbinwinding · 31/05/2025 21:05

Just a vent.

I am just so absolutely sick of the relentlessness of having to plan, prepare and clear up three meals, day in, day out.

One DC is vegetarian, the other has a very restrictive diet. Literally the only foods they both eat are eggs, cheese, pasta, bread, yogurt and apples. That doesn’t leave many meals that can feed them both so I’m usually making something separate for each of them.

DH is a workaholic with some hang-ups about food/weight and will impulsively decide he doesn’t want dinner after I’ve already plated it up.

I’m perimenopausal and increasingly having to watch what I eat.

I used to adore cooking, browsing recipe books snd meal planning. But the daily grind of either trying to come up with something everyone will eat or making different meals for everyone is driving me to despair.

No one appreciates it. I feel constantly guilty about whether anyone has had 5 a day or too many UPFs or sugar or whatever were being told will kill us this week.

Can anyone relate? Any tips to make it more bearable?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 31/05/2025 21:06

Old enough to decide to be veggie. Old enough to cook occasionally.

Sofiewoo · 31/05/2025 21:07

Why can’t you eat what either one of them is eating? There is obviously no need for 3 different meals, if you aren’t the cause of one meal there would only be 2.

SatsumaCat · 31/05/2025 21:08

Are they old enough to make their own breakfast and lunch at least? My 10 year old can. Workaholic can do the meals on his days off.

Swonderful · 31/05/2025 21:08

Can't they get their own breakfast and lunch? Unless they're really little.

FancyCatSlave · 31/05/2025 21:10

Why are you the martyr to it? It should be shared. If your workaholic husband was suddenly single he wouldn’t expire, he’d eat.

Leave the fussy buggers to it for a month and don’t feed any of them. I can’t understand why any woman puts up with this bullshit.

MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 21:11

Why are you bothering?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 21:12

I could have written this, except I’m a single parent.

I try not to cook more than once a day. So breakfast is cereal or toast, lunch we’ll have something very simple and then I only really cook for dinner.

I have one vegetarian teenager and one tween with restricted eating so a very similar situation. I make two version of the same thing rather than different meals so it’s easier.

Having lots of things in the freezer also helps!

Viviennemary · 31/05/2025 21:13

No need to cook breakfast. And lunch can be a sandwich and soup. Why make life hard for yourself.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 31/05/2025 21:14

I would definitely be giving the DC responsibility to feed themselves breakfast (and clear up) and sort their own lunches. Shop a couple of times a week (or get one big delivery) of all the foods they will eat to stock the fridge/cupboards and then leave them to it.
Do a weekly meal plan for dinners that will suit everyone so you don't have to cook different dinners in the same day - they are taking the piss if they expect you to cook separately. Honestly OP do yourself a favour and take a deep breath and hand over some of the responsibility to your family.

ShesTheAlbatross · 31/05/2025 21:14

If your DH impulsively decides he doesn’t want something after you’ve plated it up, he makes his own substitute, right?? That is his issue, not for you to solve.

How old are both children? A child old enough to be vegetarian can at least make their own breakfast and lunch.

Original poster
Bobbinwinding · 31/05/2025 21:15

MonTuesWeds · 31/05/2025 21:11

Why are you bothering?

Otherwise we would all starve?

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 31/05/2025 21:15

Why are you doing all of the cooking? The child who would be happy to eat only pasta seems easy to cook for tbf.

TeenagersDontWearCoats · 31/05/2025 21:16

I hate it too!
Have you tried asking chat gpt to come up with some meal plans?

UtterlyOtterly · 31/05/2025 21:17

I would stop stressing about actual meals. Give them bread and cheese, try to get a bit of salad in too. Make sure they eat an apple every day.

Explain, if they are old enough, that it is really hard for you, and that they cannot expect anything fancier unless they get it themselves. Let them see you eating more interesting things, and offer some, even if you are sure they won't eat it.

A friend of mine had a similar problem with her sons. She provided basics like bread, cheese, bananas. Then told them to sort each meal out for themselves. After a very few weeks they got bored and wanted different things, and also wanted their mum to cook for them again so they had to stop being fussy. One is now a very accomplished cook.

Sometimes what can seem like a drastic method turns out very well.

Redglitter · 31/05/2025 21:18

Bobbinwinding · 31/05/2025 21:15

Otherwise we would all starve?

Show quote history

No you wont. When they see the kitchen staff aren't working they'll make their own.

Making 3 meals a day I'd un necessary. Tell them from now on they do their own breakfast and depending on their ages - lunch

Original poster
Bobbinwinding · 31/05/2025 21:18

ShesTheAlbatross · 31/05/2025 21:14

If your DH impulsively decides he doesn’t want something after you’ve plated it up, he makes his own substitute, right?? That is his issue, not for you to solve.

How old are both children? A child old enough to be vegetarian can at least make their own breakfast and lunch.

Oh I’m not making him anything else, it is just dispiriting to have made the effort only for it not to be eaten. It’ll go in the fridge for the next day, usually, but it just be nice to have a bit of appreciation rather than “oh I’m not hungry, I’m just going to keep working”.

OP posts:
Mischance · 31/05/2025 21:20

Oh I am with you all the way ..... I am retired now and the children have left home but I often look back and wonder how for so many years I provided 3 meals a day, every day, year in year out. It makes me feel tired just thinking about it!

My greatest joy now is when someone cooks for me!

ThomasShelbysfagend · 31/05/2025 21:20

I can 100% relate to absolutely everything you say Bob.

Add in the every day question…”what’s for tea mum?”.

Meal planning for the week makes it all somewhat bearable but even that grinds me down.
At least they all abide by the list and I get them to decide what goes onto the weekly list.

And yes to the guilt!!
My youngest eats nothing but beige UP utter shite every day thanks to my DH who also only eats beige UP shite.

I’m the vegetarian so eat a healthy varied diet, but I’m the only one that eats anything with a glint of colour in it. They all just eat crap. I try to vary the crap a bit.

Monvelo · 31/05/2025 21:21

It is a mare. I've defo started similar threads in the past. At one point DD was veggie, ds seemingly only ate burgers and sausages, DH was carnivorous and anti bean, and I was struggling with iron. I've got a whole note book I filled with lists of meals and thoughts and ideas, pages titled things like "what DD actually likes" and "DH low fodmop". Can you do two or three whole week meal plans and have them on a rota? You could give the kids and DH a night each to cook (or more). This is what I did when I was really in the pits about the whole situation. I had it on excel with the shopping list next to it.

ChaliceinWonderland · 31/05/2025 21:21

The dh is a human who can cook. Pass on the responsibility.
Or set the bar higher... don't be a martyr

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 31/05/2025 21:21

How old are the children? Are they old enough to be left to make their own food if it’s available? It might help your child who has the restricted diet have the confidence to try new things? I know it’s not always as simple as that for many children though. It’s definitely helped one of mine try new things.

I wouldn’t bother cooking for your husband, I would be very pissed off with my husband if he regularly announced he wasn’t eating what I had already cooked and would take that as a sign he would be sorting himself out.

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 31/05/2025 21:21

How old are your kids OP? What do you tend to do for breakfast? Fruit, cereal/porridge, toast are all easy to make for most children past a certain age. Get rid of that meal being a stress.

ShesTheAlbatross · 31/05/2025 21:21

How old are the children?

MumChp · 31/05/2025 21:22

Bobbinwinding · 31/05/2025 21:15

Otherwise we would all starve?

Show quote history

No.
Your family would learn to suggest what to cook and help to cook.

MauraLabingi · 31/05/2025 21:23

I love cooking, but I still only cook about five times a week.
Every dinner does two nights, so night #2 is reheating.
I make a monster pot of soup which lasts five days for lunch. The other two days we eat leftovers/beans on toast/sandwiches/oatcakes with salad, cheese, cold meat etc. Stuff you chuck on a plate.
Breakfast is usually toast, sometimes porridge. Not cooking so much as assembling! Fusspots can add their own toppings.

I suggest flexible dinners where people can tailor them. Baked potatoes, pizza, fajitas. Or things they can easily pick out (cut veg really big etc).