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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 31/05/2025 11:46

What a horrible thing for your H to say! He needs to apologise to you in front of the DC.
Next time he pulls that one tell the DC, Daddy's a bit thick because the front seat is the most dangerous to sit in.

Poisonwood · 31/05/2025 11:48

There is no way I would ever have a child in the front if an adult is also needing to be in the car. It’s not a question of kindness - it’s legroom, age, learning to respect that older bodies may prefer/need more comfort, lots of things but I’m not being “unkind” saying children in the back…and if any adult, especially my husband, dared to baldly state I was unkind in front of my children I’d be absolutely appalled and make this very clear. How dare he!!!
Honestly - in a good relationship you feel equally respected, cherished, appreciated. Is this how you feel?

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 11:48

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

its normal. You are not evil.

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 11:49

Poisonwood · 31/05/2025 11:48

There is no way I would ever have a child in the front if an adult is also needing to be in the car. It’s not a question of kindness - it’s legroom, age, learning to respect that older bodies may prefer/need more comfort, lots of things but I’m not being “unkind” saying children in the back…and if any adult, especially my husband, dared to baldly state I was unkind in front of my children I’d be absolutely appalled and make this very clear. How dare he!!!
Honestly - in a good relationship you feel equally respected, cherished, appreciated. Is this how you feel?

this

Daisiesmeltmyheart · 31/05/2025 11:53

I wish my mum had let me sit in the front. I have suffered from terrible motion sickness all my life but always had to go in the back. These days I take pills and sit in the front!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/05/2025 11:53

Olderbeforemytime · 31/05/2025 08:05

It’s safest for the lightest people to be in back.

its safer in the back seat - particularly the middle one. but that's not to do with the weight of the passenger

Onelifeonly · 31/05/2025 11:54

When we are all in the car as a family, DH drives (I'm fine with that, I prefer to be alone when I drive) and I sit in the front so we can chat if we want to. Plus when younger the kids had screens in the back attached to the front seats. The only time I have sat in the back is when the kids started fighting and we needed to separate them! (Not that often).

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 31/05/2025 11:55

With your update OP, you’re right to be in the front.

Cherrytree86 · 31/05/2025 12:02

justtaketheeffingpicture · 31/05/2025 11:34

Oh gosh this is one of these things you do like letting kids win at games when they are little. It's just a kindly thing.

@justtaketheeffingpicture

nope!

Adults in the front.

There have to be some privileges to be an adult to make up for all the shitty stuff like work, bills, house work etc etc

kids will have nothing to look forward to if they get it all on a plate now

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 12:08

Cherrytree86 · 31/05/2025 12:02

@justtaketheeffingpicture

nope!

Adults in the front.

There have to be some privileges to be an adult to make up for all the shitty stuff like work, bills, house work etc etc

kids will have nothing to look forward to if they get it all on a plate now

Show quote history

I do think there is something in this.

I wouldn’t want to go back to the day when everything was geared up for the adults benefit and children were seen and not heard. But equally yes there have to be a few adult benefits left!

SunnyViper · 31/05/2025 12:11

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

Your DH is a dick. At that age they are most certainly in the back. The only time I would make an exception would be if they were 6ft plus and needed the legroom.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 12:13

SunnyViper · 31/05/2025 12:11

Your DH is a dick. At that age they are most certainly in the back. The only time I would make an exception would be if they were 6ft plus and needed the legroom.

Show quote history

Couldn’t the 6 fters just ask you to move the front seat forward a bit?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 31/05/2025 12:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 12:13

Couldn’t the 6 fters just ask you to move the front seat forward a bit?

Show quote history

Exactly. Otherwise what it turns into is that the men are in the front, and the women are in the back.

SwingTheMonkey · 31/05/2025 12:23

justtaketheeffingpicture · 31/05/2025 11:34

Oh gosh this is one of these things you do like letting kids win at games when they are little. It's just a kindly thing.

How is it kind to put your child in the most dangerous position in the car?

WonderingWanda · 31/05/2025 12:27

No one would want me in the back because I would undoubtedly vomit over them as I am dreadfully travel sick.

Gamerlady · 31/05/2025 12:28

My kids take it in turns , I don't mind sitting in the back, the kids get a better view in the front . I only sit in the front when it's just me and hubby.

SwingTheMonkey · 31/05/2025 12:31

This just isn’t even a question in our house. Adults in the front, kids in the back. They can sit in the front when they have their own car.

I hope you show your husband this thread, op. So he can see that the vast majority of parents don’t relegate themselves to the back and that he is a massive arse to have spoken to you like that.

Unpaidviewer · 31/05/2025 12:33

Ours is in a car seat but my DH regularly sits in the back with him. Then I get a bit of peace and listen to the radio.

Zezet · 31/05/2025 12:36

So to recap it's pretty clear he wouldn't sit in the back and he talks bad about you to the kids when there's no reason for it.

I'd be rather cross with him!

Olderbeforemytime · 31/05/2025 12:40

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/05/2025 11:53

its safer in the back seat - particularly the middle one. but that's not to do with the weight of the passenger

Show quote history

It’s safer for the people in the front seats if they’re the lightest.

Stirabout · 31/05/2025 12:42

Embrace driving OP, then your dh can sit in the back if he’s so passionate about kids in the front

angelikacpickles · 31/05/2025 12:58

Under 11 year olds should be in the back anyway, regardless of whether there is anyone in the passenger seat. And if there is an adult, then the adult gets the passenger seat even if kids are old enough for the front. I don't know anyone who lets their kids sit in the front when there are two adults in the car.

WineTastingMemories · 31/05/2025 13:04

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

Welll… it’s definitely not normal to tell your kids that “your Mum isn’t as kind as other Mums”!!!!!!!!!!

FuckityFux · 31/05/2025 13:09

I’m the only driver so never sit in the back seats.

Whilst I agree with you OP, I actually prefer it when teen DS sits in the front as he’s a much better passenger than DH. DS will select interesting music, alter the climate control settings etc. when asked and enter info into the satnav correctly, etc.

DH on the other hand will still say after 20+yrs, I don’t know how to do any of that. He is crap with technology and doesn’t even try to learn BUT he bloody insists on sitting in the front passenger seat even when I’ve told him I prefer DS sitting there. 😂