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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
Nothing7 · 01/06/2025 18:58

Beamur · 31/05/2025 10:23

Your husband really doesn't have your back does he?
To call you unkind is manipulative - there's much better and more neutral ways he could have said replied but to be quite so unsupportive over quite a trivial matter - I would have been pretty annoyed with my DH in your position

I was about to say this! Completely unreasonable - he should have your back - what happens next ? The kids start being rude to you because they think they can dictate to you and their dad will back them up?
Aside from this it’s a respect thing - hopefully I don’t sound like a dinosaur here! My eldest has tried it a few times where he wants to sit up front - and it’s generally coincided with pushing boundaries. We’re a male dominant household

Nothing7 · 01/06/2025 19:01

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2025 08:32

"DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’"

I'd be absolutely furious about that comment.
I think this is about more than who sits where in the car.
If the two of you have different parenting styles then you need to work hard on that - in couple's therapy if necessary - and make a conscious effort to respect each other as coparents and to demonstrate that respect to your children.
I say this as someone who frequently disagrees with DH on parenting approach - but neither of us would ever say anything like what your "D"H said! Angry

Show quote history

And yes ro this too! We have a rule where if either of myself or dh disagree with something to do with the kids, we have a quiet word separately about it - never in-front of the kids - thats a united front

Blablibladirladada · 01/06/2025 19:03

I am with you on this one, DC in the back.

First it is safer. Then you are the adult so 👀

Iceboy80 · 01/06/2025 19:07

For me it would be missus in the front and always kids in the back, no matter what their age, unless there was a mobility issue of some sort.

That's the way it was with me growing up and thata the way I'd do it now.

Twinkletoes127 · 01/06/2025 19:09

The most dangerous place for passengers is front passenger side. That's a fact you can check. My grown kids sit in the back if there's space on motorway trips as we lost a very dear friend at 13 years young who was a front seat passenger.

Readytohealnow · 01/06/2025 19:35

I would only let a child sit in the front while an adult sits in the back in the case of a knee/leg injury, or travel sickness.

RawBloomers · 01/06/2025 19:42

Generally DH and I sit in the front and kids in the back, thats the "rule". But there are lots of occasions when we might swap with one of the kids for a specific trip.

MagsterMum · 01/06/2025 19:49

Nope, I wouldn't. It's also safer for children to be in the back...my car manual (I know, who reads them?!) Actually states no under 12s in the front seat....

HippeePrincess · 01/06/2025 19:54

I don’t allow under 12’s in the front unless there’s no space in the back, certainly not an option to sit there in place of an adult.

ColdWaterDipper · 01/06/2025 19:58

Adult passengers in the front, and my kids even have a hierarchy amongst themselves when if they are travelling with just one parent, the eldest child gets the passenger seat. We also have a van (as well as the car) so technically a child could sit up front with us, but we all prefer to have more space so they ride in the second row of seats, and we go in the front.

My husband or I have very very occasionally swapped with my eldest and sat in the back just for fun, on a short journey, but maybe only on two occasions that I can remember.

Whyamiherenow · 01/06/2025 20:01

I do sometimes sit in the back to stop child squabbles / stop the oldest looking after the youngest on car journeys. For shorter journeys if one asked I would sit in the back - or make their dad sit in the back. I don’t think it is unreasonable unless your car is particularly small and you cannot sit in the back. Although oddly when we have older people in the car I do always sit in the back because it seems more polite. Strange how things stay with you from childhood.

JellyAnd · 01/06/2025 20:03

MagsterMum · 01/06/2025 19:49

Nope, I wouldn't. It's also safer for children to be in the back...my car manual (I know, who reads them?!) Actually states no under 12s in the front seat....

Good point- the car manual would definitely need to be consulted before even considering this. Mine actually says it’s fine with a booster seat, with either the air bag on or off, but the seat also needs to go all the way back for safety and that’s not ideal if you’ve got a rear passenger and then faff of moving the car seat…
We’ve only ever done it a few times like when lift sharing to a birthday party and the car is full of kids, or when DH took DS with him to Ikea for a play in the crèche and a meatball lunch but then overestimated the boot space and had to put the back seats down to get the shopping to fit! It’s certainly not something I’d ever do for a young child who just fancied sitting up front.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 01/06/2025 20:05

Adults in front. Kids in back. Regardless of weight and height. Ds is tall like DH so he always sits directly behind me and I push my seat forward to accommodate him. But no way I'm going in the back

NavyBee · 01/06/2025 20:10

I am in New Zealand and we are recommended by our transport agency to have children travel in the back seat if they are under 15 years old. Legally they may travel in the front after age 7 but it is not as safe if they are in a crash. Lighter bodies are more at risk from crash forces. So letting children travel in the front unless they are very tall – hard no from me (possible exception for severe car sickness that is relieved by travelling in the front)

FairFuming · 01/06/2025 20:24

I think I'd start liking driving and he can sit in the back

Sadworld23 · 01/06/2025 20:36

Front passenger is navigator im my world so that dictates who sits there.

JJWT · 01/06/2025 20:46

It's a non argument - they are literally supposed to sit in the back as default until 14 unless all back sears are already occupied by even you ger children. He's being a bit of a cheeky twat to you imo.

sumayyah · 01/06/2025 21:31

Lord no
In my car my adult daughter can sit in the front unless an adultier adult is travelling with us and then she's relegated to the back with her little brother

Unless a child needed to be in front for things like motion sickness I wouldn't ever make an adult sit in the back for them

angela1952 · 01/06/2025 21:48

LegoAirlines · 31/05/2025 08:04

I sit in the back as DD is horrifically car sick in the back. But without that kind of reasoning, YANBU.

This is how I feel, fortunately my DC were rarely car sick but I used to sit in the front when I was a child for this reason.

Flozle · 01/06/2025 22:11

Not a chance would I sit in the back so children could have the front seat. As someone said earlier, I’ve done my backseat years. And I get massively car sick.
As for the “mummy’s not as kind” bollocks: what an absolute knob.

Zanzara · 01/06/2025 22:22

Barring exceptional circumstances, absolutely not.

Don't be Cinderella in your own marriage OP. Long term it encourages disrespect in both your DH and your children. It becomes the default.

Helen483 · 01/06/2025 22:22

BeachLife2 · 31/05/2025 08:36

It's a seat in a car- really not worth getting upset about.

Some people really over think things. Utter twaddle is is to do with respect and 'hierarchy'.

I think you'll find you are very much in the minority with that view!

When I'm in my car I drive and DH sits in the front passenger seat (or vice versa). If my adult daughter and her boyfriend (over 6 ft and heavily built) are with us they sit in the back.
If boyf was truly uncomfortable I would swap (though I am 100% sure DH wouldn't!), but there's no way I would allow a child to sit in the front at the expense of an adult (unless there was a risk of projectile vomiting 🤮).

OP, tell your DH that they can sit in the front when they buy their own car!

theblackradiator · 01/06/2025 23:36

I knew my relationship with ex dp was over when he insisted that I now sit in the back from then on so 15 year old dc can now be upgraded to the front seat. Amongst other things going on in our relationship i just became bottom of the pecking order for everything. As silly as it sounds I started to feel like a bit of an outsider and not a part of my own family. it was like they had a little dad&dc gang i wasn't a part of. He wasn't interested in the dc when they were little and harder work and he left everything to me but once they got older and could do the things he wanted to do with them it was like I became surplus to requirements and I'd done my bit of raising them through the difficult years.
We split and tbh im much happier and have a much better relationship with dc who live with me.

Gustavo77 · 01/06/2025 23:39

Me or my hubby always sit in the ba k depending on who's driving so that the kids get turns in the front seat. It's really no big deal or drama.

coupebaby · 02/06/2025 00:00

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

Your SIL is making a rod for her own back, does she ever say no to her DC? Reading some of the comments in this thread has me wound up, it’s really not hard to see how kids have gotten so off the scale with self importance acting like the dam world owes them just for gracing us with their presence by being born, they’re a bunch of little controlling shits with no boundaries thinking they’re superior to adults fgs, their parents have caused all these issues 🙄 Your DH needs a boot up the hole saying that in front of your kid, what an ass, next time you get the change in another scenario do the same to
him to make him realise how condescending and disrespectful he sounded