Page 10 | To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

Threedoa · 2025-05-31T07:01:49+00:00

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car? YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

tralalal · 31/05/2025 13:14

Never. I’m the adult I sit in the front. No discussion

MounjaroMounjaro · 31/05/2025 13:22

Giving into your child's whims isn't the kindest thing to do. What about your husband showing you some kindness, OP?

orangedream · 31/05/2025 13:24

DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’

Such a nasty thing to say about his wife. Worrying that he thinks you rank below children in the pecking order.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/05/2025 13:30

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

He shouldn’t be responding like that even if he doesn’t agree with you. How passive aggressive and manipulative. Saying “mummy isn’t as kind as other people’s mummies” is AWFUL.

I would respond that general guidance is that children are safer in the back and that isn’t it a shame other parents aren’t as safety conscious! I am 39 and I still sit in the back in my parents and ILs cars! (I don’t drive)

SP2024 · 31/05/2025 13:30

Depends on age of kids. Those under about 14 shouldn’t be in the front anyway as airbags are designed for adults and it would cause serious damage. Plus under 12ish they need a car seat so I wouldn’t be faffing with all that.

Chorltonandthewhale · 31/05/2025 13:36

DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum

This is a completely unacceptable comment.

I grew up having no respect for my Mum as my Father regularly put her down, and I absorbed that message about my Mother. It wasn't till my boyfriend pointed out when I was 17 that how I spoke about my Mum was awful that I realised what had happened.,

Do all you can to resist your H bringing your children up to have this view of you.

DuchessOfNarcissex · 31/05/2025 13:38

@BeachLife2 , I disagree.
If an adult sits im the back, bet you it is the mother not the father.

@Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet , if it is DSC who wants to sit in the front, the DSC sits in the front, even if it means someone else has to be shoves in the boot.

butteredhorseradish · 31/05/2025 13:42

DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too.

Asshole thing to say.

If you were driving would he be in the back? No, he would not.
Offer to drive the next time even if you hate driving, say on a shorter trip, and see if he goes in the back.

The children can have a turn in the front when he's driving somewhere without you.

Selttan · 31/05/2025 13:47

Your DH is a twat. I’m in my 40s and I still sit in the back when in the car with my parents. It’s not my car so of course my parents get the best seat. On the flip side I refuse to let my sister sit in my seat in the back.

MoodSwingSet · 31/05/2025 13:50

I sit in the front, or DH does when I'm driving. We also book bulkhead for us and kids sit behind us when travelling. They will have plenty of time to sit in front in their own cars.

Projectme · 31/05/2025 13:53

Your 'd'H made a horrible and snidey comment there which you shouldn't let him get away with. I'd be telling him that undermining you in front of your children is never to happen again, under any circumstances.

ShiningStar3 · 31/05/2025 13:56

Jujujudo · 31/05/2025 08:51

I’m the size of a 12 year old girl so I don’t mind at all sitting in the back. I wish I had problems like this!

🙄

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 13:58

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 11:43

Height is not a reason to take the front though, as the seats move forward and back.

It’s one of those things men have made up to try to get the “best” spot.

If I’m driving I prefer a shorter person (a woman or average height man) beside me, as taller people tend to put a leg in the “driving area”, ie touching the gearstick. In the back they can pop their legs into the middle area, unless there’s three in the back, and the front seat moves forward, so better all round.

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In our car I don't fit behind the passenger or drivers seat. If I ask someone to slide forward to accommodate then they're uncomfortable.

On the other hand, people fit behind me if I go in the front. Might just be our car though

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/05/2025 14:10

Irrespective of who should sit in the front your DH’s comments was shitty.

We have a family rule I rigidly enforce after some robust discussions with DH that nobody makes a commitment that impacts the other person without checking with them first. DH can’t unilaterally make a promise to your DS that inconveniences you and not him and then get pissed off when you don’t comply. It wasn’t in his gift in the first place.

ManchesterLu · 31/05/2025 14:11

Kids in the back, adults in the front.
If everyone in the car are adults, car owners (or the partner of the driver) go in the front.

Exceptions are if someone gets car sick in the back, or if you particularly want to offer the seat for some reason (I always sit in the back if we're giving DP's mum or dad a lift anywhere, but that's not expected of me at all).

carpool · 31/05/2025 14:13

It is more dangerous for young children to travel in the front seat never mind all the faffing about moving child seats around. I have young DGC and they never travel in the front of my car, nor would they even think to ask, even if I am the only adult in the car. The same rules apply in their parents car. It is very much a safety issue. I am aware of a family years ago who lost their 12 year old because she was in the front seat - everyone else in the car survived. Unless they are adult sized it is a really bad idea.

Catsandcannedbeans · 31/05/2025 14:15

No way! If I gave birth to you, you can sit in the back until you have your own car… and I call shotgun until my kids are married, I will sit in the back for a spouse.

AnotherForumUser · 31/05/2025 14:19

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 31/05/2025 08:03

Are they your dsc who he wants up front?

What a loaded question. Not sure what you are trying to prove with this except as a dig at step-parents. Sadly for you the OP confirmed the children affected by her supposedly callous wicked stepmother act are actually the offspring of herself and her dickhead husband - shock! horror! So what's your opinion now? Is it ok for the mother of these children to sit in the front? If yes that simply shows your bigotry against step parents. If no why not? Is it because the female of the species should know her place - behind the all important bearer of the flaccid dick and the young offspring.

whynotwhatknot · 31/05/2025 14:19

isnt it not advised because of the aribags going off especially if theyre not very tall

your husband is a dick talking to you like that

catmothertes1 · 31/05/2025 14:33

People who have paid for the car go at the front! It used to make me mad that my mum would automatically sit at the back of the car if my parents were giving a lift to another adult man!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 31/05/2025 14:43

It is a personal choice.
I don't mind giving them a turn.
DS has horrendous motion sickness so it is usually a fight/compromise with DD.
He can travel a little better in the front.

ClearHoldBuild · 31/05/2025 14:58

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 10:33

This just says "I had children to gain some sense of seniority" because you're not fulfilled elsewhere in life.

I don't want children but even I don't see myself as superior to younger adults.

For the record I sat in the back until I didn't fit anymore. My parents had the choice, I sit up front or they buy a new car

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I didn’t have children to gain a sense of seniority, but if anyone is going to pull rank to sit in the front then it’s going to be me as the owner.
As for your parents choice for you to sit up front or they buy a new car. I’d have given you a choice. Get in the back or make your own way there.

KateShugakIsALegend · 31/05/2025 15:01

orangedream · 31/05/2025 13:24

DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’

Such a nasty thing to say about his wife. Worrying that he thinks you rank below children in the pecking order.

This.

Your DH is a knob.

Oldglasses · 31/05/2025 15:02

DS calls shotgun, but he's 6ft5 and at uni most of the time so I let him off! If it's him and DD they both are in the back of DH's saloon car!

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 15:04

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/05/2025 14:10

Irrespective of who should sit in the front your DH’s comments was shitty.

We have a family rule I rigidly enforce after some robust discussions with DH that nobody makes a commitment that impacts the other person without checking with them first. DH can’t unilaterally make a promise to your DS that inconveniences you and not him and then get pissed off when you don’t comply. It wasn’t in his gift in the first place.

this absolutely!!