Page 8 | To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

Threedoa · 2025-05-31T07:01:49+00:00

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car? YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

Tiswa · 31/05/2025 11:01

I agree but not necessarily adults the front seat is designed for those who have reached certain height and weight

but yes it shouldn’t be a discussion at that age.

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2025 11:02

Saracen · 31/05/2025 10:49

If the adult is significantly bigger than the kids, then the adult needs to go in front so they can be more comfortable. Whoever has travel sickness or other needs should get the front seat if it helps them. Sometimes we need a particular person up front so they can navigate.

Otherwise, well, I think most people prefer the front so it is a question of who is going to be kind and generous. Sometimes I offer the front seat to my teen, especially on a long drive, as she is more interested in operating the radio and CD player. She usually kindly declines, because she knows I am more comfortable up front.

How does it work with the favourite armchair in the living room, or the preferred place at the dining table? Or does that not apply in your family?

Adults naturally have first dibs on those things too. An open and shut case as far as I'd be concerned. There's a best spot on our sofa which is mine by default. I may CHOOSE sometimes to let one of the children sit there but it is my choice. I think people have lost the plot in terms of treating their children as equals rather than children. They don't have to do any of the shit things about being an adult - work, pay bills, cook, clean, be responsible for every bloody thjng - but they get to have all the perks of that? Not in my house.

BernardButlersBra · 31/05/2025 11:02

Eddielizzard · 31/05/2025 11:00

He is so out of order saying that. Proper made my blood boil.

Women sitting in the back / taking turns with kids harks back to the era where grown women had the same rights as children. I would make a point of driving and getting him to sit in the back, if only to test how misogynistic his thought process actually is.

Totally gives me this vibe as well

ErrolTheDragon · 31/05/2025 11:03

Fourteenandahalf · 31/05/2025 11:00

It's not safe enough to put young children in the front, unless RF with air bag off. Definitely not FF

Yes, this trumps all other considerations.
When my dd reached my size, she went in front because of feeling carsick.

Cherrytree86 · 31/05/2025 11:04

He was hardly being to kind himself was he OP, talking to you like that. What a prick. I would tell him to fuck off. And no way would I be sitting in the back.

Hollyhobbi · 31/05/2025 11:07

Haven’t read the full thread but children under 12 are safer in the back especially if there is an airbag fitted.

notacooldad · 31/05/2025 11:15

As the kids were young it was always mum and dad in front.
When they got their own cars it it became a matter of logistics. Eg who was being dropped off first, who was driving, who is the tallest etc.

Gundogday · 31/05/2025 11:17

Adults sit in the front. Children don’t get to decide who goes where.

thismummydrinksgin · 31/05/2025 11:18

No they are safer in the back. I do for a quick journey for my teens but 3 hours would be a massive no.

RightOnTheEdge · 31/05/2025 11:25

What a prick he is OP.
If he spoke about me like that in front of the kids he'd soon be learning exactly how unkind I could be!

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 31/05/2025 11:26

Kids in the back are safer. Cars are designed for the average person. Children can be seriously injured by sitting in the front. Airbags should be off but still the design of back seats versus rear make sitting in the back safer.

ilovelamp82 · 31/05/2025 11:28

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

That is a disgusting thing to say to your kids. Firstly, adults get priority for front seat. But even if it wasn't, that is a truly despicable thing to say to your kids about their mother. I would be beyond livid.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 11:32

Valeriekat · 31/05/2025 08:10

My tall adult sons always sit in the back.

Quite right. The seats move forwards and back so there’s never any need for taller person to take the front.

Definitelyrandom · 31/05/2025 11:32

Sons in their twenties still sit in the back - with the dog!

lessglittermoremud · 31/05/2025 11:33

Nope, kids always sit in the back in our families if both front seats are taken by parents.
Even now when my Dad and Step Mum gave myself and sibling a lift to a family funeral and we met at their house, my sister and I naturally went to the back of the car to get in when we were leaving.
Growing up I wasn’t allowed to sit in the front under the age of 12 regardless if the front seat was empty or not as my parents said it was safer to be in the back when smaller

justtaketheeffingpicture · 31/05/2025 11:34

Oh gosh this is one of these things you do like letting kids win at games when they are little. It's just a kindly thing.

MummaMummaMumma · 31/05/2025 11:34

I take turns with the kids sometimes. It's nice to sit in the back with the other kids, but much less comfortable.
Usually my husband drives and I am upfront.
For example, my daughter helped me a lot in the garden, so I offered her the front seat as a little thank you. My son did amazing in his football match etc.
It wouldn't hurt you to take turns.

Stepfordian · 31/05/2025 11:35

BernardButlersBra · 31/05/2025 10:54

He is acting like a child though. He's hardly paying his way or standing on his own 2 feet. Why does your mum need to defer to him?

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She doesn’t need to defer to him, and he doesn’t expect her to, that’s my point, everyone accepts that as the ‘child’ he sits in the back.

wobblybrain · 31/05/2025 11:37

I don’t really care, it’s not that big a deal sitting in the front of the car. We have done all combinations over the years and the only time my DC have ever raced each other to get to the front was after they had both moved out and were in their early 20s

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 11:39

I agree parents in the front. It is a more comfortable seat for an adult in most cars, it’s safer for children to be in the back, and adults aren’t going to do things that make it more difficult/ dangerous for the driver.

Personally, I get very car sick so can’t be in a car at all if I’m in the back (edit - I prefer to drive if I have to be in a car, and will happily forego a drink to do so)

Car sickness is probably the only reason why you might put a child in the front instead of the adult. But even then, if the adult is elderly the kids would have to suck it up.

I’m a single parent so my kids (16 and 11) do get to go in the front. Unfortunately it’s the younger one who’s car sick of the two, but they take it in turns because the back is less comfortable for the 16 yo, regardless of how far you put the front seat forward. But yesterday my aunt was with us so obviously it was kids in the back.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 11:43

Stepfordian · 31/05/2025 11:35

She doesn’t need to defer to him, and he doesn’t expect her to, that’s my point, everyone accepts that as the ‘child’ he sits in the back.

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Height is not a reason to take the front though, as the seats move forward and back.

It’s one of those things men have made up to try to get the “best” spot.

If I’m driving I prefer a shorter person (a woman or average height man) beside me, as taller people tend to put a leg in the “driving area”, ie touching the gearstick. In the back they can pop their legs into the middle area, unless there’s three in the back, and the front seat moves forward, so better all round.

Endofyear · 31/05/2025 11:43

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

I would definitely have a problem with my DH telling our children their mum is unkind. That is outrageous behaviour 😳 does he undermine you a lot? He shouldn't be running you down to the children!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 11:45

Sorry - didn’t answer the question- your DH is out of order to speak like that about you in front of your kids.

I would try to stop hating driving and drive more yourself, and then he can sit in the back with you child up front if that’s what he thinks is right.

Funnywonder · 31/05/2025 11:45

Christ, it’s one thing to present the question of who sits in the front, but for your DH to make a comment that you aren’t kind is completely out of order.

We have a hierarchy of who sits in the front seat. DP doesn’t drive, so I’m always in the driving seat. He sits in the front. DC (16 and 12) in the back. DS1 sits in the front if it’s just me and him. DS2 prefers the back anyway and always sits there. If MIL is in the car (or in the past my DM) she sits in the front, DP in the back. SIL is only rarely in the car - she gets offered the front, but usually sits in the back. So yeah, definitely a hierarchy centred on being respectful towards adults. The children will have their turn eventually!

Agapornis · 31/05/2025 11:46

mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum

Daddy isn't as safe as other people's dad, he wants to put you in the front seat where you are more likely to get injured or die if he crashes the car. He is also really rude and controlling to mummy, and needs to apologise for involving you in an adult disagreement.