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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthis88 · 31/05/2025 10:39

I genuinely gasped when I read "Mummy is not as kind..."

He can get to fuck with speaking like that in front of the kids. What a shit. You're going to have to draw a line in the sand on that kind of talk.

Lurker85 · 31/05/2025 10:39

I think you’d be better off in the back then in the front with that prick of a so called husband!

Shodan · 31/05/2025 10:41

UpsideDownChairs · 31/05/2025 10:36

Once my kids are old enough to drive, I've already told them that I intend to spend every journey in the back, napping :D

Having said that, the rest of the time, adults/guests get the front seat unless there's a very good reason to change that (eg, its a full car - whoever's the biggest gets the front seat so that the people in the back have as much room as possible, or if theres an order of drop-offs that makes it sensible for a particular person to be in the front)

That's what I've done with DS1. We went on holiday last year (two DSs, me and DS1's girlfriend) driving my car- but DS1 did all the driving, so his GF sat in front. I had a splendid time in the back seat with DS2, a pillow and my laptop to watch films. Occasionally I popped my head up to as if we were nearly there yet, or could we stop cos I needed a weeeeeeeeee. Great fun had by all.

BUT- when the DC were smaller the default was always that adults sat in the front and children in the back. The treat of DC sitting in the front came when it was a one adult one DC situation- eg taking them to activities or whatever. Never when two adults were in the car.

Hoplolly · 31/05/2025 10:41

Nah, get in the back kids. When you can pay for the car, you get to choose where to sit!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 31/05/2025 10:41

This just isn’t something anyone in my family seems to care about. We just sit wherever.

I have no issue with sitting in the back - I’m just grateful I don’t have to drive.

Pottedpalm · 31/05/2025 10:43

He is an arse. They can sit in tje front when they buy their own car.

SpendingTooMuchTimeHere · 31/05/2025 10:43

I don’t even let my DC sit in the front when no adult is there.

EBearhug · 31/05/2025 10:45

I grew up thinking children weren't allowed in the front seat at all, although it was also a time when seat belts weren't compulsory, and you'd fit as many children as possible in across the back seat and in the boot.

Generally children are in the back. If you're doing different drop-offs, then you sit in order of convenience for that, becauseyou shoukd normallyget out on the passenger side, not into traffic. Car sickness in the front (or ideally, an entirely separate vehicle...)

I like the front when you can see more, but these days if I'm not driving, I'm often the shortest, so get to default to the back.

DinaofCloud9 · 31/05/2025 10:45

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 10:33

This just says "I had children to gain some sense of seniority" because you're not fulfilled elsewhere in life.

I don't want children but even I don't see myself as superior to younger adults.

For the record I sat in the back until I didn't fit anymore. My parents had the choice, I sit up front or they buy a new car

Show quote history

Don't be ridiculous.

Your DH is awful making a comment like that OP.

GabriellaMontez · 31/05/2025 10:46

From your update, you have a serious dh problem.

masterofdoom · 31/05/2025 10:48

im 51 and when i was a kid it was always assumed that my parents would sit in the front couples ussually sit together why should it be different in a car and why let kids dictate where everyone sits

Tiswa · 31/05/2025 10:48

@Threedoa if you have 3 under 11 and this is the smallest than surely a conversation about safety and how it isn’t safe.

Neither of mine sat in the front until they were 5ft and adult sized as the elevated risk of injury in the front is quite high.

Now they are teenagers they always do it if it just them and the driver and as I said DS is bigger than me so for long distances it makes sense

Under 11 is not needed

Saracen · 31/05/2025 10:49

If the adult is significantly bigger than the kids, then the adult needs to go in front so they can be more comfortable. Whoever has travel sickness or other needs should get the front seat if it helps them. Sometimes we need a particular person up front so they can navigate.

Otherwise, well, I think most people prefer the front so it is a question of who is going to be kind and generous. Sometimes I offer the front seat to my teen, especially on a long drive, as she is more interested in operating the radio and CD player. She usually kindly declines, because she knows I am more comfortable up front.

How does it work with the favourite armchair in the living room, or the preferred place at the dining table? Or does that not apply in your family?

Wolfpa · 31/05/2025 10:50

It is a treat that you can give to a child that doesn’t cost anything.

what is the harm of letting them sit in the front every now and again?

HairOfFineStraw · 31/05/2025 10:52

Wait til your 17 year old wants to drive so DH in the back? Or is he not as kind as the friend's dad?

Or is it only fine for you to be put out, as I suspect?

BernardButlersBra · 31/05/2025 10:52

"Unkind" does he mean not a walk over?! Makes me think of when people bleat to women about "being kind". If he's that focused on it he can sit in the back.

I would still be declining to sit in the back. I have 33inches inside leg and my husband is about 33.5-34. I also do way more driving. So when l am not driving l will be relaxing in the passenger seat and not scrunched up in the back seat. Not that the space is that small but l don't have short legs

BernardButlersBra · 31/05/2025 10:54

Stepfordian · 31/05/2025 10:32

My 30 year old brother still lives with my parents and doesn’t drive, he still sits in the back so my mum can sit in the front despite the fact he’s well over 6ft and it cramped in the back like a sardine in a tin!

He is acting like a child though. He's hardly paying his way or standing on his own 2 feet. Why does your mum need to defer to him?

SmoothRoads · 31/05/2025 10:55

Wow, love the guilt-tripping ("mummy is not as nice as other mummies") and the disrespect ("kids should take turns").

Why do you hate to drive? I provides you with some freedom. I would make my husband sit in the back if he finds it so important. But more likely I'd start tot question the relationship if my husband tried relegate me to the same status as the children.

Daleksatemyshed · 31/05/2025 10:57

The safety features of cars are designed around adults sitting in the front, the air bags are dangerous to children. Tell your DH it's not being kind to put your DC at risk

Nephthys21 · 31/05/2025 10:58

Legally in the UK, a child under 12 or 135cm is supposed to have a car seat other than under a few exceptions. Was your husband planning to move the booster seat about to accommodate your child?

whynotmereally · 31/05/2025 10:58

I get car sick and have a bad back so I always sit in the front. If I’m driving, dh will sit inthe back for dd who gets car sick (and she is taller than him) but otherwise he will sit in the front

Cherrytree86 · 31/05/2025 11:00

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 31/05/2025 08:03

Are they your dsc who he wants up front?

@Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet

what does it matter?

it’s adults in front, kids in back unless there’s issues with car sickness.

Fourteenandahalf · 31/05/2025 11:00

It's not safe enough to put young children in the front, unless RF with air bag off. Definitely not FF

Eddielizzard · 31/05/2025 11:00

He is so out of order saying that. Proper made my blood boil.

Women sitting in the back / taking turns with kids harks back to the era where grown women had the same rights as children. I would make a point of driving and getting him to sit in the back, if only to test how misogynistic his thought process actually is.

Topsyturvy78 · 31/05/2025 11:01

If they still need a car seat then they are too small to be sitting in the front. I often sit in the back with DD & DS with nobody in front passenger seat. So I can see to them if either has a seizure.