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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 31/05/2025 10:22

Was he teasing with the “mummy isn’t kind” comment, or is that the sort of put down you get regularly?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 31/05/2025 10:22

DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.

im sorry what?? What an absolutely cunty thing to say!!! Does he often throw you under the bus with the kids? Is he good old fun dad while you have to enforce the rules?

Beamur · 31/05/2025 10:23

Your husband really doesn't have your back does he?
To call you unkind is manipulative - there's much better and more neutral ways he could have said replied but to be quite so unsupportive over quite a trivial matter - I would have been pretty annoyed with my DH in your position

Thatsrhesummeroverthen · 31/05/2025 10:26

Passenger seat is the most dangerous seat in the car.
it's irresponsible to put a child in it if they don't need to be there due to numbers.

EggnogNoggin · 31/05/2025 10:26

Your husband is a wanker.

I'm.not going to suggest driving just to make him sit in the back, he's just a nasty twat.

Imagine how it feels as a kid to be told that mummy isn't as nice as other mummys. It's fucking disgraceful.

Eze · 31/05/2025 10:26

Your DH is being an arse to you. Tell him you’ll drive the first hour, DH can sit in the back so DS can sit up front. When you swap, you get front passenger, DH drives and DS in the back.

He won’t go for that of course so tell DS that Daddy isn’t as kind as other people’s daddy. See if he likes a taste of his own medicine.

This isn’t about the seat to DH, it’s a power/control thing over you.

S0j0urn4r · 31/05/2025 10:27

I think you're right.
I also think your DH is an arse for saying you aren't a nice mummy.
That's just not acceptable.

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 10:27

Short trips where I may have to be dropped off enroute I would consider sitting in the back but this is VERY rare.
Otherwise it’s parents up front and kids in the back. Just something traditional about it that represents our family structure. Me, next to my husband (or the other way if I drive) and kids in the back. I don’t think my kids even as young adults would consider it to be any other way.

JudgeJ · 31/05/2025 10:28

Koolforkats · 31/05/2025 08:56

I used to not be bothered and DS sometes sat in front with DH. Then it got to be an expectation. I ended it when we drove past friends and I saw how it looked. There’s no way DH would sit in the back if i was driving. It felt like a women and girls in the back, boys up front. Ive now reverted to “adults in the front” only.

I used to loathe the attitude that if there were two couples in the car the men sat in the front and the women in the back, I used to really annoy people, oddly more the woman, by sitting in the front if we were in our car. Amazing how many women would claim that her OH needed to be in the front as he got car sick in the back seat!

BoredZelda · 31/05/2025 10:29

nomas · 31/05/2025 08:46

You should let your dd in the front too. Otherwise your DS will take it as his due.

Show quote history

At 6 years old? Very bad idea. The back seat (preferably with a decent car seat) is safest.

evtheria · 31/05/2025 10:29

DS is nearly my height (I am short) and we both get car sick. I don’t care if we take turns riding in the front, though I think DP would otherwise assume ‘adults up front, kids in back’.

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2025 10:29

I am outraged on your behalf OP. You are not 'unkind' (FFS) but your husband most definitely is a prick and far more likely to cause actual damage to your children by underming their mother and setting the family up as some absurb group of equals than any amount of sitting in the back seat.

nomas · 31/05/2025 10:30

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

He should not have undermined you like that. Have a firm word with him that either he stops it or you’ll point it out to the kids every time he behaves like a dick.

And I’d get more comfortable with driving. The less you drive, the more reliant you’ll become on him.

WasherWoman25 · 31/05/2025 10:31

Unless a very specific reason (ie travel sick, 6.5ft teen in a mini etc) then no, adults in the front, children in the back. I still get in the back for DF or FIL now (as they are senior and taller than me).

PinkyFlamingo · 31/05/2025 10:31

You have a huge DH problem, what an awful thing to say to the kids!

JudgeJ · 31/05/2025 10:32

AgentJohnson · 31/05/2025 09:59

Have I missed something, is there some kind of status to sitting in the front? I don’t think that adults by default have some divine right to sitting in the front. Why not take it in turns?

As long as everyone takes turns in paying running costs and buying petrol!

Stepfordian · 31/05/2025 10:32

My 30 year old brother still lives with my parents and doesn’t drive, he still sits in the back so my mum can sit in the front despite the fact he’s well over 6ft and it cramped in the back like a sardine in a tin!

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 10:33

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2025 10:10

You're not remotely selfish. It IS your car and you are the most senior person. How is any of this even a question FFS.

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This just says "I had children to gain some sense of seniority" because you're not fulfilled elsewhere in life.

I don't want children but even I don't see myself as superior to younger adults.

For the record I sat in the back until I didn't fit anymore. My parents had the choice, I sit up front or they buy a new car

TimeForABreak4 · 31/05/2025 10:34

I happily offer to sit in the back on long journeys or on country road journeys so ds 12 can sit in the front as he tends to feel a bit car sick and I dont. It really doesn't bother me where I sit, I don't think it's some kind of hierarchy.

IReallyLoveItHere · 31/05/2025 10:34

How dare he say something like that to the DC?? What an arse.

Unless there's a good reason for DC to be in the front its always the adults.

My niece will always oust my DM from the passenger seat by whining about being in the back when out with my parents. Sis is a single mum so niece is used to being in the front seat, my poor 70yo mum struggles into back very happily because they love niece - my bloody sis should put a stop to it.

Gertrudetheadelie · 31/05/2025 10:36

Young kids - no, definitely safer in the back. Older kids - might depend on if they asked nicely/for a one off/for a reason. I was often stuck in the back of a car with no view at all because the windows were tiny so the front, when I was allowed, was like a panorama and very welcome! My DH is also very tall and his mum went in the back because the front was considerably more comfortable for him. I'm sure if she'd asked to swap, he would have said yes too though. Just courtesy to each other rather than fighting over status?

UpsideDownChairs · 31/05/2025 10:36

Once my kids are old enough to drive, I've already told them that I intend to spend every journey in the back, napping :D

Having said that, the rest of the time, adults/guests get the front seat unless there's a very good reason to change that (eg, its a full car - whoever's the biggest gets the front seat so that the people in the back have as much room as possible, or if theres an order of drop-offs that makes it sensible for a particular person to be in the front)

Ilikeadrink14 · 31/05/2025 10:37

Katemax82 · 31/05/2025 10:07

I normally sit in the back in my husbands car so my 11 year old daughter doesn't get wound up by her brother. My husband would prefer me in the front

Sorry to sound holier than thou, but you are the parent and they should do as you say. I can’t believe you allow your daughter to get would up by her brother. Sitting in the back to avoid this is ludicrous! Just tell him to stop!!

theleafandnotthetree · 31/05/2025 10:37

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 10:33

This just says "I had children to gain some sense of seniority" because you're not fulfilled elsewhere in life.

I don't want children but even I don't see myself as superior to younger adults.

For the record I sat in the back until I didn't fit anymore. My parents had the choice, I sit up front or they buy a new car

Show quote history

This is so ridiculous on multiple levels I'll not dignify it with a reply

Mummyboy1 · 31/05/2025 10:38

Well it's safer for children to sit in the back. If the airbag went off it could seriously do some damage to a child.