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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/05/2025 23:27

Adults in the front. I used to vomit in the back for years, anyway, even as a teen.

UnderTheCover · 01/06/2025 02:58

Gosh, unequivocally - adults in the front. Of course. It's a non-negotiable in my view unless there are good reasons to change this.

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2025 08:32

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

"DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’"

I'd be absolutely furious about that comment.
I think this is about more than who sits where in the car.
If the two of you have different parenting styles then you need to work hard on that - in couple's therapy if necessary - and make a conscious effort to respect each other as coparents and to demonstrate that respect to your children.
I say this as someone who frequently disagrees with DH on parenting approach - but neither of us would ever say anything like what your "D"H said! Angry

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2025 08:40

Also, on the actual topic of who sits where, I believe the back seats are safer than the front passenger seat, so my kids always sit in the back (and have car seats). I would only let a child in the front passenger seat if no other option (ie no other adult in car and all seats taken by children) and that won't change until they're older and have more adult proportions.

Cherrytree86 · 01/06/2025 08:41

Julimia · 31/05/2025 18:42

Of course they can sit in the front if they want to. Everyone arrives at [the same time don't they?

@Julimia

no, it’s not good for children to get everything they want. Adults in the front.

Cherrytree86 · 01/06/2025 08:47

Becs51 · 31/05/2025 21:16

Wow! Entitled much!

Show quote history

@Ally886

how large were you that you couldn’t fit in the back of a car??!

Auroraloves · 01/06/2025 08:48

LegoAirlines · 31/05/2025 08:04

I sit in the back as DD is horrifically car sick in the back. But without that kind of reasoning, YANBU.

Same here.

SunnyViper · 01/06/2025 10:06

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 31/05/2025 12:15

Exactly. Otherwise what it turns into is that the men are in the front, and the women are in the back.

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Depends on the car I guess. All my family cars had enough leg room. My point was that sitting in the front would be based on practicality. Oh and there are 6ft women too. My good friend is 6ft and her 15&17yr olds are 6ft5 and 6ft4 respectively.

Bryonyberries · 01/06/2025 11:21

We usually default to adults in the front and children in the back unless there is a specific reason it makes more sense for them to be in the front. I never let my children sit in the front even if the front seat was free (when they were big enough) as it would cause arguments.

UniqueExpert · 01/06/2025 11:27

This is one of those topics that can be quite divisive.

Usually because a small number of posters get really het up about it.

Dramatic · 01/06/2025 11:29

I'd be beyond furious if my DH told my kids I wasn't as kind as other mums. I don't understand why he wants to hurt his kids in that way?! As well as hurting you. What a horrible man.

Atina321 · 01/06/2025 11:45

Whoever is most likely to be sick goes in the front. It really isn’t a big deal. Just get in the car and use the appropriate safety features.

JillMW · 01/06/2025 12:27

Aimtodobetter · 31/05/2025 21:51

Now that is completely logical. The key differences of course vs the OP’s husband is that (a) you were doing it because it made the whole experience better for everyone (and probably safer given it was a long drive), (b) you asked your husband rather than telling your kids he want kind. I’d be happy or even volunteer to jump in the back in that scenario (eg when my friend kindly drive me and my 1 year old for 3 hours on holiday I went in the back to amuse my 1 year old and left the front seat free) - but I wouldn’t jump in the back just because my child wanted to sit in the front (even before considering the safety issues).

Show quote history

When I say ask it was done with a look that would not take no for an answer😂. But yes I do agree with you.

Gemmawemma9 · 01/06/2025 12:39

He’s an absolute dickhead for saying that to your child. How DARE he. I’d be fuming.

Ally886 · 01/06/2025 17:06

ButteredRadishes · 31/05/2025 18:27

You sound like a charmer.... "mum, Dad, I'm up front or you buy a new car?"

What about you put up and shut up or YOU buy the car...

Show quote history

Ah yes let's just cram a 6ft 4 person in the back of a Mercedes coupe. Charming 👌

Jellyrols · 01/06/2025 17:11

That is a truly vicious thing to say to your child.
I would call that emotionally abusive.
Why are you with him is your real question.

Jumpers4goalposts · 01/06/2025 18:20

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. My DD often sits in the front and DH in the back he likes to sleep she likes to talk. I wouldn’t say it was taking turns though, more irregular than that.

Rememberwhatthedoorknobsaid · 01/06/2025 18:23

Julimia · 31/05/2025 18:42

Of course they can sit in the front if they want to. Everyone arrives at [the same time don't they?

The people in the front get there first

JayJayj · 01/06/2025 18:25

Too many variables. No one under 12 should be in the front unless they are really tall.

My friends son is 6’3” at 17. Has been 6’ since 16 so he would go in the front as he needs the space.

Is it a quick ride? Car sickness?

JayJayj · 01/06/2025 18:27

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

I posted my response before reading this.

The sister sounds permissive not gentle.

Under 11s should all be in high back boosters anyway and definitely not in the front seat.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 18:28

Definitely not, the kids can sit in the front when they pay the bills!

Edit, dh sounds like a dick

ButteredRadishes · 01/06/2025 18:46

JayJayj · 01/06/2025 18:25

Too many variables. No one under 12 should be in the front unless they are really tall.

My friends son is 6’3” at 17. Has been 6’ since 16 so he would go in the front as he needs the space.

Is it a quick ride? Car sickness?

Nah, I bet he'll happily bundle into his mates Corsa when the time comes for them all starting to drive!

ButteredRadishes · 01/06/2025 18:47

Ally886 · 01/06/2025 17:06

Ah yes let's just cram a 6ft 4 person in the back of a Mercedes coupe. Charming 👌

Show quote history

Why should THEY have bought the new car though?

If you want a lift, you go where you go...

anotherdayinparadiseagain · 01/06/2025 18:51

We often have this discussion, as our neighbours dc always sit in the front of their car when then go out as a family! In our house, the parents sit up front if going out as family, the only way kids sit up frozen is for school run etc. when only one parent in the car, if however one of our parents is travelling with us, we defer to the back seat!

ASimpleLampoon · 01/06/2025 18:53

Depends. If DH is picking me up from somewhere one of the kids will have nabbed the front seat by the time they get to me.