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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sit in the back so kids can sit in the front?

373 replies

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 08:01

Disagreement with DH tonight. So would you sit in the back so your kids (say under 18, as I can maybe see the argument for over 18) can sit in the front of the car?

YABU - Yes, it’s normal to take turns for who sits in the front passenger seat
YANBU - No, adults in the front, children in the back.

OP posts:
Julimia · 31/05/2025 18:42

Of course they can sit in the front if they want to. Everyone arrives at [the same time don't they?

celticprincess · 31/05/2025 19:02

Our rule is adults in the front. When there’s only one adult and 2 children they still have to go in the back as turn taking was exhausting as arguments always took place. If it’s only me and one child then the child can sit up front. If it’s me and one child but collecting another child further on then the first child can sit up front and it doesn’t seem to cause an issue.

FleurdeLion · 31/05/2025 19:22

My stepdaughter is 32 and lives with us. If I'm in the car, she's in the back.

CosyLemur · 31/05/2025 19:42

We take it in turns but then every family is different. But as a general rule the driver always gets to choose who rides shotgun!

WinSomeandLoseSome · 31/05/2025 19:43

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

Your husband sounds a dick.

ButteredRadishes · 31/05/2025 19:44

Julimia · 31/05/2025 18:42

Of course they can sit in the front if they want to. Everyone arrives at [the same time don't they?

Well no, technically the people in the front arrive earlier than the back 🤣

ButteredRadishes · 31/05/2025 19:46

Julimia · 31/05/2025 18:42

Of course they can sit in the front if they want to. Everyone arrives at [the same time don't they?

You put small children in the front seat?

You know I'm the air bags are quite dangerous?

And what a pain moving the car seats back and forth!

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 31/05/2025 19:53

Parents get priority for the front, although it's kind to make exceptions in the case of travel sickness, extremely long legs, and birthdays.

Graters · 31/05/2025 20:00

Not necessarily all the way up to 18, no. I'm a small adult and would let tall teens sit in the front instead of me.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 31/05/2025 20:08

Theeyeballsinthesky · 31/05/2025 15:25

from the OP second post

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.

and from the OP third post

DH told the DC that mummy wasn’t as kind as the other mummy’s

Show quote history

He is a total dick.
Under 11, unless very tall, shouldn't be travelling in the front seat.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 31/05/2025 20:12

“Mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mums” is massively out of order. I’d be absolutely furious with him for saying that. Even if you don’t like driving, I think you need to insist on driving in future and making your DH sit in the back. I bet he’ll hav a very difficult opinion then.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2025 20:18

My elderly parents are kind enough to let me go in front when one of them is driving and the other is there. Because (as mentioned) I’m incredibly car sick.

But I would always offer to drive them, or even drive myself separately (they like to be in their car). They hate the idea of taking two cars anywhere!

Careliz · 31/05/2025 20:20

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

He said what!!!! In front of your kids? He said you are not as kind?! He's a horrible man!!! He's not at all a good parent to undermine you like this, even more so IN FROUNT of your child!!! Absolutely hope you tell him where to go! As your kids get older, you NEED to be on the same team.

Wallywobbles · 31/05/2025 20:21

this is absolutely my hill to die on. I DO NOT sit in the back.

Cailin66 · 31/05/2025 20:47

Wallywobbles · 31/05/2025 20:21

this is absolutely my hill to die on. I DO NOT sit in the back.

Me too. But I’ve certain exceptions. (Height, disability, age) never children.

So I will sit in the back if one of my young adult child is driving and the passenger seat rightly goes to granny/age/height/disabled.

Front seats are more comfortable by design. Also easier to get into passenger seat for the infirm.

Harry12345 · 31/05/2025 21:04

TheFirstSeaMonster · 31/05/2025 09:38

This was always an issue in my marriage (now separated) Ex would always insist from day 1 that DS sat next to him in the front and I had to sit in the back. It always felt odd and I was embarrassed as family members commented as to why I was the one always in the back. It definitely felt like a lack of respect as he refused to let me sit in the front and by our DS wouldn’t budge as mammy was the one in the back. It made me feel like I was the little kid in the back, there was child locks on the windows so I had to request if I could please have them open plus child locks on the doors so I was locked in until DH decided to open my door. I have literally never seen any family do what we did. It was so odd.

Wtaf that’s terrible!

Becs51 · 31/05/2025 21:16

Ally886 · 31/05/2025 10:33

This just says "I had children to gain some sense of seniority" because you're not fulfilled elsewhere in life.

I don't want children but even I don't see myself as superior to younger adults.

For the record I sat in the back until I didn't fit anymore. My parents had the choice, I sit up front or they buy a new car

Show quote history

Wow! Entitled much!

Housebuyer22 · 31/05/2025 21:26

Out of respect Children in back, adults in front.

Even my 42 year old husband or I, will sit in the back, when my Mum is in the car with us!

It’s not about being kind, it’s actually safer for children to sit in the back until at least 13.

My nearly 5 foot, 11 year old sits in the back- even if the front seat is empty and he will be, probably until 14/15.

I would rather him ‘not like me’ than something happen to him, cause I was not a parent, and let him sit in the front seat!

MyUmberSeal · 31/05/2025 21:32

I really had no idea there was such status attached to the front seat. I would go with whoever is biggest/tallest/disabled/and would benefit from a little more space being in the front.

TakeMeToTheDarkSideOfTheMoon · 31/05/2025 21:33

I often sit in the back with our child tbh... It's like we are being chauffeured 🤣

Ilikegreen · 31/05/2025 21:38

Children sit in the back, no further discussion required! I couldn’t imagine having my spouse in the back, and our child up the front.

Aimtodobetter · 31/05/2025 21:40

Threedoa · 31/05/2025 10:19

Not teenagers, all under 11 and all are shared kids not step kids, no travel sickness.
One DC (actually the smallest) asked if he could sit in the front as his friend does on his car, was a 3 hour drive. I said no, I wanted to sit there and I was the adult etc. DH responded ‘mummy isn’t as kind as other peoples mum’ I said it was quite normal that an adult sits in the front, he said most people let their kids take turns in the front and I should too. He said I was unkind by saying no. He likes to drive, I hate driving.
Our parenting styles are quite different. I just wanted some validation (for myself) that I’m not evil by saying no and it’s a normal thing. His sister is the most gentle parent you can ever meet, her DC are always in the front, but they also totally rule the roost and I think sometimes he thinks that’s the norm and I’m not nice enough so we have these sorts of conversations alot.

Send him some of the articles about how “gentle parenting” at its extreme destroys kids mental health and ability to operate in society in a normal way - almost all the psychologists agree that some version of “authoritative” parenting is the most effective (defined as combining warmth/loving nature with very clear boundaries). Boundaries and some sense that adults have different privileges to kids in the house are completely normal - I don’t know any one who doesn’t do adults in the front (again unless there is a specific reason like sickness). I’d also be furious if anyone including a partner ever told my children I was less kind to them than other mums - WTF.

mambojambodothetango · 31/05/2025 21:41

I would be driving

BernardButlersBra · 31/05/2025 21:48

mambojambodothetango · 31/05/2025 21:41

I would be driving

Over his body lying in the road?!

Aimtodobetter · 31/05/2025 21:51

JillMW · 31/05/2025 18:18

I am with you. Although I do confess during one long drive on the motorway, three kids arguing loudly in the back, I asked my husband to pull into the services. I asked two children to get out. Asked my husband to sit in the middle, put a child back in, shut the door, told the other child to get in the front and jumped in the drivers seat. I drove the remainder of the trip chatting nicely with front child whilst he had the pleasure of refereeing in the back.

Now that is completely logical. The key differences of course vs the OP’s husband is that (a) you were doing it because it made the whole experience better for everyone (and probably safer given it was a long drive), (b) you asked your husband rather than telling your kids he want kind. I’d be happy or even volunteer to jump in the back in that scenario (eg when my friend kindly drive me and my 1 year old for 3 hours on holiday I went in the back to amuse my 1 year old and left the front seat free) - but I wouldn’t jump in the back just because my child wanted to sit in the front (even before considering the safety issues).