AIBU to leave my child home alone?

[HopefulDoubtful]

My thirteen year old is asking to not be left with a babysitter in the evenings any more and to be allowed to be home alone. I am a lone parent and my child is an only child. I rarely go out because I don't want to call in favours from family too often (we don't have much family around) so if I were to leave her home alone, it would allow me to have more of a social life. She is sensible (bar enjoying the opportunity to eat snacks and stay up later) and is used to being home alone for a few hours in the daytime no problem.

At what age is it reasonable to stop using a babysitter and how late would you feel comfortable staying out if your teen was home alone?

People were paying me to babysit their kids when I was 13, so unless there's special needs that should be fine. I wouldn't leave her overnight, but going out for a bit in the evening is fine.

My son is 13… I would leave him alone but not beyond bedtime 9pm. During hols is is sometimes at home alone during the day for several hours, but normally he has a friend around for company and I have someone pop in to check on them at lunch time.

If I am going out later than his bedtime that I arrange for an older teen to come ‘hang out’ (paid a babysitter rate).

Not overnight but I would happy leave a 13 year old for the evening.

how late are you out?

In terms of timings, I am mean until 11pm or so. So for example going out to dinner and "drinks" with friends. (I don't drink alcohol really, so would be sober).

If there are neighbours nearby that you know and trust I think that's ok. Maybe not until the late hours but til 11 or 12 is fine I would think. The problem arises if something goes wrong, power cut, plumbing leak etc. If she can run to someone for help in the event of emergency I think its OK. I think start gradually, an evening class for an hour and so on and see how she gets on. Build it up to get her used to it

I have a 13 year old and feel comfortable leaving her home alone until 10 / 10.30 ish

I am conscious that I'm still available to be contacted by her and able to get back ASAP if needed. I wouldn't feel OK going out-out with her home alone. I wouldn't feel comfortable if I was drinking and relying on taxis to get home.

To be honest, I am not all worried that she herself wouldn't be ok with it. In fact I have left her a few times to do a hobby in the evening and have come back at around 9pm, which is fine and she has been sensible and gotten herself ready for bed. It's more the social invites (birthday dinners, concerts, drinks etc) that I am so used to simply declining due to lack of childcare. I guess I am wondering if it would be considered irresponsible.

Someone asked about neighbours, we have lovely next door neighbours who she could knock on and I would of course keep my phone at hand for calls from her.

I'd happily leave a confident 13 year old home alone on the odd evening.

But are you confident she knows not to mention it on social media or anything?

11 pm seems too late currently,
perhaps when she is 14

Really depends on the child. Some 13 year olds would be fine, some not so much. Only you know this.
But in principle, you are not being unreasonable.

I think that’s fine if you are in a safe area and she’s happy to stay alone

Not a chance I'd ever leave a child of that age home alone because they are children at that age, especially just to go out on the razz! You can't be selfish and a good parent, your child must come first, always.

I would leave my 13yo that late, she has two older sisters so never really been left alone but she'd be absolutely fine if they happened to be out at the same time as me. I'd make sure you keep an eye on your phone so if she messages you you can be quick to answer. Maybe start off smaller and be close by for drinks and then build up to going to concerts etc.

Lots of interesting replies, thank you, I appreciate reading them all.

I am not sure what counts as going out "on the razz" but as I mentioned before, I don't really drink alcohol, so would be sober. It's more about socialising with friends and showing up for friends on their special occasions etc.

I can't see a problem so long as she's sensible and knows not to tell anyone she's home alone. I was babysitting at 13 (although in the same street as my parents).

Gosh! Won't someone please think of the children!

My 13 year old would be fine on her own. I don’t need to leave her as I have shared care with her Dad so

Being a good parent includes sometimes putting yourself first because you can't pour from an empty vessel. The martyrdom inherent in your overly simplistic statement is unreal.

I think it’s fine at that age. It’s a good time of year to start practising leaving her alone as the evenings are so light. I know as a teenager I would worry a bit about being on my own if it was dark outside but it’s light till late at the moment.

I would definitely go out locally, particularly as you don't drink. As long as you're home before she goes to bed, so 11pm on a weekend would be fine.

I'd be slightly more cautious about going further afield e.g. to a concert an hour away where getting back could prove to be difficult. I'd want someone not necessarily with her, but on call in case you couldn't get back/something happened.

Thank you for this. When my girl was little, we spent so much time with my "mum friends" and days out with other families etc. Now that she is older, am finding myself quite isolated and missing out on time with friends. I am also aware that whilst my friends are incredibly understanding of my being a lone parent, I also think it's an important part of friendship to show up for each other on special occasions. In a few years I might have an empty nest and it would be nice to have some friends left.

Of course my daughter comes first at all times, that goes without saying.

Would've replied earlier but needed to wait for my eyes to stop rolling from that ludicrous comment from @Gustavo77

Yes why not test it out and see how she gets on? Its easy to check in with a quick phone call if needs be, and for her to contact you.

Infantalising your children does them no favours.
Your martyrdom will be their undoing. Shame.

@HopefulDoubtful you don't need to explain yourself. Any sensible person knows a mother is allowed a social life too, even if you were going out drinking with friends then so what, you are allowed as long as you have made sure your child is safe and well. Ignore @Gustavo77