AIBU to leave my child home alone?

[HopefulDoubtful]

My thirteen year old is asking to not be left with a babysitter in the evenings any more and to be allowed to be home alone. I am a lone parent and my child is an only child. I rarely go out because I don't want to call in favours from family too often (we don't have much family around) so if I were to leave her home alone, it would allow me to have more of a social life. She is sensible (bar enjoying the opportunity to eat snacks and stay up later) and is used to being home alone for a few hours in the daytime no problem.

At what age is it reasonable to stop using a babysitter and how late would you feel comfortable staying out if your teen was home alone?

Why shouldn't she want to be home alone? Doesn't everyone enjoy being alone in their own space at times?

Anyway, she's going to be home alone at some point as a teen, unless op plans to have a babysitter for her until she's 20.

I think the clue is in the name - babysitter.

Most teens want to feel more grown up. They aren't babies and therefore don't need babysitting.

Why is it embarassing?

Why can you not have snacks / watch TV with a babysitter?

Maybe I am bias I grew up in rough areas so 13 year olds left home would be a 13 year old roaming the streets up to no good.

I was babysitting at 12 so yes if she is happy to be left then leave her!

Can't you ask a friend OP? And then you can return the favour. Does DD have any cousins? I would go out on Sat daytime till evening but not till 11pm. Invite your friend over and stay local to home.

I think 13 is fine to be left at night. Just incase you have forgotten pop all emergency numbers 999, your number etc on the fridge and your address/family addresses. Then it's all there in an emergency incase she goes into panic mode/mind goes blank.

My DD is almost 13 and once I have left her between 6 and 9.30, I'd be ok leaving her until it gets dark so about 10 in summer. I expect next year will be later. DS 14 is never left alone due to special needs.

don't you remember being that age?

Who doesn't want independence? It's not about party and trashing the house, but having your own schedule and the house to yourself is ace.

It's pretty normal. What parent stays home until their kids are 18? Or pay for a babysitter until they are 18... Adults go out, kids stay home alone, and you build it up that way.

I agree 14.

Most good parents would regard this move to greater independence a positive move by a responsible parent.

Keeping a child in a state of incapable dependency so the parent feels 'needed' could be argued to be the selfish position.

because she's not a baby!

Yes I do - hence my question.

Most good parents would regard this move to greater independence a positive move by a responsible parent.

Yes, start by leaving them for an evening, then build up to overnight, a weekend, a week, so that by the time they reach adulthood they are perfectly capable of living independently.

I’ve just asked my 12 (nearly 13 yr old) how she would feel about a babysitter.

she was mortified that we wouldn’t trust her and asked why we were treating her like a little kid.

I was babysitting other people’s children in the weekend evenings at that age until 11 or midnight, albeit in my own neighbourhood and I knew that my own parents were home if if there was an emergency I couldn’t handle. Unless your teenager has special needs or is not responsible, it should be fine.

Probably for the same reason anyone would like to be alone.

It's completely normative for humans to want to be alone.

For some, most of the time, for others, more occasionally and for some others, nearly or all of the time.

I'm suspicious of people who think people, especially children, shouldn't have alone time..

Couldn’t you go to events but just make sure you are home by 10? Seems an easy compromise?

Mno one has Explained WHY being back at 10 is ok but not at 11. WHhat is likely to happen in that hour that can't happen between 8-9 for example

exactly nothing

Her reasons are that she feels that she is too old for a babysitter and that it seems like I don't trust her to stay home alone. She is excited by the prospect of being home alone to watch Netflix and eat snacks.

She has never once asked to be allowed to go out in the evening or to be allowed to go somewhere that I have said no to, so she is not the type pf kid to roam the streets in the evenings and neither are any of her friends. I'm not worried about that at all.

If you are not far away and not drunk enough to miss her phoning and not be able to get home quickly if she needs you it's fine. We sometimes go out the church meetings and leave our 12 year old for a couple of hours. We are nearby and have a phone if he needs us.

I finally found a paid baby sitter when dd was 9, (for my 40th) and we used her and her younger DSis for the next 5/6 years when DH and I wanted to go properly out. I think dd was 14 when we left her to go to an evening showing at the local cinema (back by 10 job), but still had one of the girls come in until she was turned 15 if we were out late (we had occasional midnight/2am/enjoying the ball so it’s 4am nights) they were happy enough to each do their own thing and we appreciated not having a curfew on those rare nights.

Before we finished with the girls, we had some nights where we just went for dinner and left dd at home. As we knew it would be 11pm at the latest. Many nights she would be gone to bed but she wouldn’t settle for sleep til we got home (yes, she came down properly sleepy but needed to see us). When she started being comfortable going to sleep on her own, we dropped the girls.

and this was for a girl who came home alone from school before she turned 11 and who was remarkably mature and resilient in many ways.

only you know your dd and what she’s really ready for. But I think 13 is too young.

I babysat for young kids as young as 14

nobody had mobiles: if anything had happened, id have been clueless

i baby sat at 14
but some parents would give me the number of where they were going

I can guarantee our oldest would have been so embarrassed to have a babysitter at age 13 however we also didn't leave him till 14 and then even only till 10:30-11