AIBU to leave my child home alone?

[HopefulDoubtful]

My thirteen year old is asking to not be left with a babysitter in the evenings any more and to be allowed to be home alone. I am a lone parent and my child is an only child. I rarely go out because I don't want to call in favours from family too often (we don't have much family around) so if I were to leave her home alone, it would allow me to have more of a social life. She is sensible (bar enjoying the opportunity to eat snacks and stay up later) and is used to being home alone for a few hours in the daytime no problem.

At what age is it reasonable to stop using a babysitter and how late would you feel comfortable staying out if your teen was home alone?

13 is old enough to be paid to babysit younger children 😂

There was a thread about leaving teens at home, and posters were fainting at the idea of leaving a 17 year old home alone.

So I would take YABU with a massive pinch of salt

It's fine.

This is MN, you have to take responses as what are most people saying? as there'll always be outliers and some, are very strange.

I don’t have an issue with 13 year olds being left alone (not to babysit) but it’s the time that I have an issue with, 11pm is very late to be leaving a 13 year old home alone, during the day is completely different.

What time is ok to leave them till. And why would 11 be worse than9.30 for example?

Nothing to do with dark obviously as it's dark by 5 pm in winter and I'm sure the house has electric lights

I wouldn’t leave my child home alone at night it’s that simply really not even till 9.30 tbh.

I was babysitting other people's kids at that age l and have a 13 year old dd that I would leave if I were ever of the mindset to.

My 13 yo gets takes himself to scouts and brings himself home at 9.30 one night a week whilst both parents are out. When we started scouts was 5 doors down. During the summer they're mainly outdoors so if he needs a lift one of us will stay and drive him. If it's walkable he walks with friends.

We stopped having babysitters last year but he has an older sibling .

Planning on leaving DC1 home alone for 2 nights post GCSEs. She's really looking forward to it.

I was leaving mine by 11&13 (11 year old if anything more sensible!) after all I was babysitting other people’s toddlers at 13! My eldest is autistic and super sensible and her younger sister was really the only person who dd1 listened to, babysitters never came back because she was horrid to them but no issues at all when left the two of them. For overnights though we had a friend come and stay (young adult) who dd knew WASN’T a babysitter she was there to walk the dog the friend never minded because dd2 is an amazing cook from young and would prepare gourmet meals for when she got in from work!

know your own child, have a plan a, b and c for minor things and emergencies, discuss with your dc. Having lovely neighbours is a huge part though

Why does the time make a difference? Are issues and accidents more likely to occur at 11pm than 8pm?

Completely relate to this. I'm a lone parent too and am keen to ensure I have friends left by the time I'm an empty nester. I occasionally leave my 13 and 12 year olds in the house til 11ish - the rule is that they still put themselves to bed at the normal time and they text me goodnight. It's worked so far and they really enjoy the independence.

Well of course time matters as you wouldn't leave a 13 year old home alone overnight?

Why don’t they want a babysitter? That would be my first question?

That's genuinely unbelievable, so yeah, I'm sure people do it to wind others up.

Why would they at that age. How utterly bizarre. Who would be " babysitting" who?

Surely it depends on the child! OP if your DD is capable of being left for an evening then of course yanbu. I’d happily leave my nearly 13yo for an evening, she’d be absolutely fine, she’s incredibly mature and sensible and would probably love the chance to eat snacks for dinner and watch her rubbish telly all evening. I quite often pop to the shop or whatever (during the day) and leave her to keep an eye on her 8 and 7yo siblings (shock horror!) - mumsnet would probably have me strung up for child abuse and neglect but they’re always fine! It’s good for kids to have a gradually increasing level of responsibility and independence - that’s how you get kids who grow up into self sufficient, capable adults instead of needing to be babied until they’re 35 🙄

It totally depends on the child.

both of mine would be fine at that age and were fine from at least 12

🤣🤣🤣🤣

there’s a comedian on every thread.

Tbh my DD would have been absolutely fine overnight alone at 13 but that is different because that's leaving them asleep. Most 13 year olds will be happy to stay up until 11 or later for their parents to get home, but leaving them home alone to sleep means trusting that they would wake up if the fire alarm goes off and things like that, so its different.

I used to work with a person who told me his 9 and 7 year old children are sometimes home (when they're at their summer cottage) alone overnight, as he works away during the week and sometimes their mum needed to work away overnight, and they would stay home alone, presumably feeding themselves dinner and getting themselves up in the morning, having breakfast, and then the school taxi picks them up (summer cottage, so rural and need a taxi to get to school). That of course is fairly insane and not something people should do, but if children that young could cope overnight then most 13 year olds should definitely be able to cope until 11pm or so.

One was probably the same poster who's kids didn't make their own breakfasts until they were 16 😂

I think it will be totally fine OP. Mine are 14 and 12 and I would leave them for a few hours in the evening to go meet friends.
That's if we could ever sort out an evening when we are all free 🙄

Why don’t they want a babysitter? That would be my first question?

Because s/he is not a baby?

I want to know what 13yo WANTS a babysitter!

It’s possible to be nonplussed. But I would be very suspicious of a teen that wants to be left home alone. Why?

I mean why do they expressly want to be home alone?

1. Babysitter for a teen must be massively embarrassing.
2. A kid wants a fun evening too. You know - staying up later with snacks and tv.