AIBU to leave my child home alone?

[HopefulDoubtful]

My thirteen year old is asking to not be left with a babysitter in the evenings any more and to be allowed to be home alone. I am a lone parent and my child is an only child. I rarely go out because I don't want to call in favours from family too often (we don't have much family around) so if I were to leave her home alone, it would allow me to have more of a social life. She is sensible (bar enjoying the opportunity to eat snacks and stay up later) and is used to being home alone for a few hours in the daytime no problem.

At what age is it reasonable to stop using a babysitter and how late would you feel comfortable staying out if your teen was home alone?

100 percent completely fine. I’d say midnight is perfectly fine to be honest.

I'd be a bit worried that at a concert or in another busy, loud environment you might not hear your phone, especially if she sent a message rather than a call. But if you can solve that and you will be able to get home directly if there were to be an issue and will be back overnight, it sounds doable now and again.

🤣🤣🤣

Out for a meal, home 9ish yet. I personally would not do later.

13yo doesn't need a babysitter for sure. Embarrassing!

I would say 13 is fine as long as she can easily contact you if there’s a problem, and that you’re not too far away. As long as she is happy with it too. I wouldn’t leave my 14 year old overnight but for the evening she’d be ok.

Do you still wipe your teens arses?

13/14 is the age kids start babysitting for neighbours.

Op you are absolutely fine to do this. It's empowering for her learning responsibility and maturity. Obviously if you come home one night and there's a full on crack den party happening, you reevaluate.

I have a 17 yo and twin 13 yos. Dd1 is usually home but recently she’s started going out more and had a party on a night dh was gigging and I was supposed to be going along with friends. We left dtds home alone with duvets set up on the sofa for a sleepover style (as they needed to stay up with puppy). I got home at 11.30pm and all was fine. I wasn’t far away but they are very sensible. They’re almost 14 (August) and in year 9.

Do you have a 13yo? Really worrying how babied some dc are.

If they were happy to be home alone, I would although I would want to be home by 11pm initially.

My eldest DC was happy to do this, middle is older and doesn't want to be home alone in the evenings.

I think this is completely fine. I wouldn't want to necessarily go too far from home at that age, especially the first couple of times, but heading out for dinner with friends where you can easily get a call if necessary - sounds fine. DS has been left at home like that fairly regularly from about 11, although I concede he's a particularly independent child.

When my DD was 12 I would leave her alone in the evenings til around midnight. She was very responsible and wasn't afraid to be alone, so I think it depends on the child.

Your instincts are telling you the time has come to rebuild and reaffirm those longer standing friendships. You know your daughter best, and if she is ready to be left for an occasional evening out, go for it

13 is fine to leave alone without a babysitter. I’d be making sure backdoor was locked and get a ring doorbell camera, plus talk about emergencies like fire etc. Not to worry her, but just so she is aware of what to do. I didn’t leave mine alone overnight though until 16 but was probably leaving them until 9-10pm occasionally at 13. They definitely would not have wanted a babysitter at 13.

I think it would be fine. Personally I would not leave my 13 year olds especially my DD who is nearly 14 as she is very academically intelligent but my god she can sometimes lack common sense. My 11 year old, I would be happy to pop out for an hour. My point being, different children and only you know your child and if they would be okay.

Being a good parent is also giving them age/maturity appropriate freedom so they learn independence.

I was babysitting down the road at 12 (in hindsight this is a bit young).

You are best judge - you know the area, your child, any potential hazards. If you are happy and your child is happy, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Personally I like to be accessible- if I was going on a 2 hour hike I would let a nearby responsible adult know, to be available in the very unlikely event something happened.

DS is 13 and we leave him on his own in the evening every couple of weeks or so, as long as one of us is local. We have lovely neighbours who would absolutely look after him if there was a disaster and we have a barky dog (and a gravel drive!) who would definitely scare away any potential intruders. He doesn’t like being left any later than 10.30pm, it’s usually from around 7pm-10.15 if I have a rehearsal in the evening and DH is at work.

As long as you're contactable if there's an issue then absolutely fine. DD was babysitting her little brother at 13 until later than that.

For those who wouldn’t leave a 13 year old home alone, how are you preparing them for when they go out into the big wide world on their own? I always considered my role as a parent was to raise my children to be fully functioning and competent adults in their own right, and you can’t do that without giving them some experience beforehand. Yes, you put the guard rails up, you make sure that if something happens it’s not catastrophic, but I don’t think you’re doing your children any favours at all if they never have the opportunity to do things on their own. Sit down and talk through with them what could go wrong, and what they’d need to do if it did. It gives them the knowledge they need when they leave home but also teaches them to think these things through themselves,

in 5 years they may be leaving home to go to uni and they need to learn how to handle things without you there

My DS was 10 when he was getting himself up, dressed and walked himself to school, and then home for an hour or so every afternoon whilst I was working. He’s now 11, coming with me to work, walking to the main City Centre railway station, getting the train and then walking to school, and the reverse after school.

A 13 year old should be fine.

I leave my 14 year old (and did when she was 13 too) and go out for dinner. Never more than 4hrs (more because of dog than kid) and always home before 9:30pm. She’s fine!

My almost 13 year old doesn’t like being left alone in the evenings, much beyond 7-8ish, so obviously I don’t do it.

however, if he was confident with it, I would be ok leaving him but only if I was local, so that I could absolutely easily get home quickly. If I was at a concert/theatre etc further afield then I wouldn’t do it, maybe at 15-16.

I was in gainful employment 10 until 10 Saturday and Sunday at that age.
Then myself and my sister would get our younger siblings up iand off to school each morning. My mum worked 6 am until 2. My mum did absolutely everything else for the 4 of us, but it's bizarre to me that anyone would think a 13 year old wouldn't be able to stay at home alone

We have just started leaving my very sensible 14 year old a few months ago - I would have left her but she has a younger brother (12) who is a bit less
sensible so needed to be sure he wouldn’t give her the run around!
We started small - half hour walk, then out for tea for a couple of hours, round at friends and then worked up to a whole evening out and back at 11:30 with them going to bed and switching lights off etc. DH and I have been out more in the last few months than the last few years!
i think it’s completely sensible to leave your 13 year old and would have done in your shoes.

Your hindsight, 12 isn't too young to babysit imo