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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner has wet the bed…

1000 replies

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:31

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

OP posts:
ShowMeTheSushi · 31/05/2025 14:39

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 14:23

Yeah, let leave urine soaked sheets on the bed for hours on end, great idea?!?! Common sense.

Show quote history

OP literally said “He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.” which you’d know if you’d read the post instead of just sniffing out drama 🙄

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 31/05/2025 14:42

Things I have learnt today :-

Some Mumsnetters can’t read

Some Mumsnetters presumably can read but choose not to sometimes

Some Mumsnetters are here for arguments

Some Mumsnetters are really spiteful and childish when choosing words

OP has the patience of a saint

I hope your husband is okay OP, and that he sees the divisions of labour and the assumptions he made in a new way from now on.

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 14:43

ShowMeTheSushi · 31/05/2025 14:39

OP literally said “He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.” which you’d know if you’d read the post instead of just sniffing out drama 🙄

Show quote history

Ok yes I forgot the part where he kindly took his pissy sheets off the shared bed, with help because poor baby wouldn't do it alone. What did he do with them next? Nothing!

But, yes. You're right. I'm the one sniffing out drama.

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 14:51

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 14:43

Ok yes I forgot the part where he kindly took his pissy sheets off the shared bed, with help because poor baby wouldn't do it alone. What did he do with them next? Nothing!

But, yes. You're right. I'm the one sniffing out drama.

Show quote history

Depends what time it was. He could well have stood around is his soaking PJs (if he wears them) and put a load on, perhaps waking the children, a nice early start. She could have made everyone some breakfast while he showered or perhaps he could have got the children's breakfast while showering.

He definitely needs to be in the spare room with appropriate covers. He may be happy to stay there.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 14:51

SpidersAreShitheads · 31/05/2025 13:02

It sounds as if you usually do the laundry in your home OP. Even the language you used in your opening post “he helped me strip the bed” suggests that it’s seen as “your” chore.

With that dynamic, it’s hardly surprising he didn’t think to do the laundry.

All of that aside though I don’t think I’d have been massively bothered. The bed was already stripped so it was just a case of putting a few large items in the machine and hanging them up.

I absolutely would have left them to one side though and got him to remake the bed. I know you say you wanted to be able to get into bed but he wasn’t back so late that he couldn’t do it first.

I see from your later posts that his idea of helping is mainly just looking after the DC so maybe there’s an underlying issue around the split of chores?

But on the face of it, I really couldn’t get upset about putting on a couple of loads of washing when I’m at home anyway. I will naturally pick up things that need doing without being asked and DP will do the same. In our home it doesn’t need big conversations, so I’m struggling a bit with the idea that a fairly minimal task is such a big deal.

He does need to get his arse to the GP though or else there’s going to Duvetgate #2.

If it's such a minimal task why didn't he do it, or start it off at least?

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 14:55

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 14:51

Depends what time it was. He could well have stood around is his soaking PJs (if he wears them) and put a load on, perhaps waking the children, a nice early start. She could have made everyone some breakfast while he showered or perhaps he could have got the children's breakfast while showering.

He definitely needs to be in the spare room with appropriate covers. He may be happy to stay there.

Show quote history

What's time got to do with it?

And why would he need to stand around in his soaking PJ'S?
Can't he change them?

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 14:58

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 14:51

If it's such a minimal task why didn't he do it, or start it off at least?

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As she's working from home perhaps he felt getting the kids out the way was also important.

She may well have been on complaining that he'd been making noise doing the laundry and having the kids run around causing mayhem

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:01

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 13:27

He helped her strip the bed. All she was left to do was put it in the washing machine. She also then chose to make the bed again, she could have left that for him.

Why is it so strange to some women that other women do not mind helping their husbands out?

Edited
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Why is it that some women can't bear the thought of men cleaning up their own piss?

Amazing!!

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:03

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 14:58

As she's working from home perhaps he felt getting the kids out the way was also important.

She may well have been on complaining that he'd been making noise doing the laundry and having the kids run around causing mayhem

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And the fact that he didn't even ask if she minded?

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:03

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:01

Why is it that some women can't bear the thought of men cleaning up their own piss?

Amazing!!

Show quote history

You’ve missed the part when I said I have never done a load of washing in my life and neither has my husband.

Not sure what that makes me in your eyes as a woman but I do know that I was brought up in a space where the word piss was crude and crass.

Nominative · 31/05/2025 15:04

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 14:58

As she's working from home perhaps he felt getting the kids out the way was also important.

She may well have been on complaining that he'd been making noise doing the laundry and having the kids run around causing mayhem

Show quote history

Why did it have to be either/or? He could perfectly well at least sort out some of the washing and keep the children out of the way.

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:07

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:03

You’ve missed the part when I said I have never done a load of washing in my life and neither has my husband.

Not sure what that makes me in your eyes as a woman but I do know that I was brought up in a space where the word piss was crude and crass.

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If you've never done a load of washing in your life, maybe this didn't the kind of post you can have a realistic opinion on 😉😘

ThisCraftyHelper · 31/05/2025 15:07

Christ you lot of still arguing over this 🤣

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:09

ThisCraftyHelper · 31/05/2025 15:07

Christ you lot of still arguing over this 🤣

It’s hysterical how hysterical some people can get over a bit of extra labour on behalf of someone you love.

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:10

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:07

If you've never done a load of washing in your life, maybe this didn't the kind of post you can have a realistic opinion on 😉😘

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My husband and I share a massive business related work load.

I stand by my assumption earlier that this is not about a single incident or a single load of washing stands regardless of my domestic skills.

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:11

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:09

It’s hysterical how hysterical some people can get over a bit of extra labour on behalf of someone you love.

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You being one of them!

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:12

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 14:12

That's a terrible argument. Her husband could be ill and that's all she cares about.

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Where has OP said that's all she cares about?
Can't find it anywhere?

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:13

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:10

My husband and I share a massive business related work load.

I stand by my assumption earlier that this is not about a single incident or a single load of washing stands regardless of my domestic skills.

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Congrats. Not being expected to clean up his fluids though, are you? Unless that falls under your contract, in terms of the business load you share. Bit different.

HingeBracket · 31/05/2025 15:15

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:03

You’ve missed the part when I said I have never done a load of washing in my life and neither has my husband.

Not sure what that makes me in your eyes as a woman but I do know that I was brought up in a space where the word piss was crude and crass.

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If you have never done any laundry in your life, then you do not understand what this thread is about. Which was pretty obvious by your comments anyway really.

And I expect you are in a different country and employ servants to do everything for you, probably at quite a low wage. So you do not have any appreciation of manual labour.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:15

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:03

You’ve missed the part when I said I have never done a load of washing in my life and neither has my husband.

Not sure what that makes me in your eyes as a woman but I do know that I was brought up in a space where the word piss was crude and crass.

Show quote history

Maybe you would use the word too, if your husband went out and didn't even bother to ask you if it was ok for you to wash it all?

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:16

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:11

You being one of them!

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I’m not hysterical. 😂

Just having a good old poke at a thread which has gone on for too long over something so ridiculous.

I really think the OP should just ditch the guy. He is clearly useless and treats her with no respect.

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:17

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:13

Congrats. Not being expected to clean up his fluids though, are you? Unless that falls under your contract, in terms of the business load you share. Bit different.

Show quote history

Didn’t say I had never cleaned up his bodily fluids. I said I had never done a load of washing.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:18

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:09

It’s hysterical how hysterical some people can get over a bit of extra labour on behalf of someone you love.

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And it's hysterically disheartening to see how many women will run around, clearing up after their manchild....

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:18

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 15:15

Maybe you would use the word too, if your husband went out and didn't even bother to ask you if it was ok for you to wash it all?

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No. I wouldn’t use the word in a sentence at all. I don’t like the way it makes me sound. My kids are also not allowed to say it.

LaaLaaLady · 31/05/2025 15:18

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 31/05/2025 15:16

I’m not hysterical. 😂

Just having a good old poke at a thread which has gone on for too long over something so ridiculous.

I really think the OP should just ditch the guy. He is clearly useless and treats her with no respect.

Show quote history

Well I gotta say, i agree with you in that,
So long as this kind of expectation doesnt continue and secondly, no health factors at play.

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