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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour having an affair - do I report my suspicions?

647 replies

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
NicolaCasanova · 29/05/2025 21:00

Best to log it with 101.

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 21:01

wordywitch · 29/05/2025 21:00

For all you know it could be her brother or colleague giving her a lift home. You have zero idea of what’s actually going on and zero business sticking your nose in. Get a hobby and a life.

It’s the same car picking her up and bringing her home - nothing to do with work

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 29/05/2025 21:01

Maybe she's working as a hostess somewhere and that's her brother picking her up? Or she's a sex worker and her husband is well aware. You don't really know anything so tread carefully.

PurpleChrayn · 29/05/2025 21:02

My god! Wind your neck in!

SophieB0012 · 29/05/2025 21:02

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:56

Because our neighbour is a very nice man and if I was in his position, I’d want to know?

Heck, they could be trying for a baby for all I know and i’d potentially save him from the mess that would bring.

What a weird thing to assume!
Take the advice and stay out of it you nutter.

wordywitch · 29/05/2025 21:02

NicolaCasanova · 29/05/2025 21:00

Best to log it with 101.

I think you ring 0800 HUSSY HO, actually.

TheRoundTable1983 · 29/05/2025 21:03

Don’t be a shit-stirrer. Mind your own business.

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 21:03

arcticpandas · 29/05/2025 21:01

Maybe she's working as a hostess somewhere and that's her brother picking her up? Or she's a sex worker and her husband is well aware. You don't really know anything so tread carefully.

I don’t think she’s a sex worker somehow, but the nice car picking her up and being all dressed up midweek means I can see why you’d suggest it. I don’t know why the car would linger for so long though.

OP posts:
EggnogNoggin · 29/05/2025 21:04

Do you think they will thank you in the aftermath?

How is this going to do anything other than make your lives worse?

PeapodMcgee · 29/05/2025 21:04

If I was having an affair I wouldn't be picked up and dropped off outside my own door every night by my bit on the side, with Herbert and Joan gawking out the window at me with their astonished faces.

2ndbestslayer · 29/05/2025 21:05

Get a subscription to netflix or buy a good book. Leave your poor neighbours alone.

Tardigrade001 · 29/05/2025 21:05

He could be having an affair too, for all you know.

DancingDucks · 29/05/2025 21:05

Oh god mind your own business. You have no idea what's going on. Maybe stop being so bloody nosy, noting what your neighbour is wearing when she goes out is a bit weird.

Pinepeak2434 · 29/05/2025 21:06

No. You’re just a neighbour and it’s absolutely nothing to do with you.

Jc2001 · 29/05/2025 21:06

AmzJS · 29/05/2025 20:53

We live next to a couple - lady is probably mid/late 30’s, the man in his 40’s. They don’t have children.

Both are pleasant, and the man does shift work - one week a month he leaves early evening and works into the following day (we often hear his car pull up in the early hours).

DH and I have both noticed over recent months that a couple of times a week when her partner is on lates, the lady will be picked up by a car (the same one) around 6.30/7pm (she doesn’t drive) and not return until closer to midnight - the car will usually linger outside with the engine running as they are in it chatting.

With the lighter evenings, we’ve noticed that on these occasions she is always ‘done up’ in make up and wearing flattering outfits - tight dresses, heels etc. On one occasion, my DH was out the front and he said there was an over bearing smell of perfume. She rarely appears like this at any other time when her partner is home.

She has gone out again tonight and we’ve noticed her - again the same car, and her all dressed up.

We are convinced she is having an affair, it has all the hallmarks and it’s too much of a coincidence to only be when her partner is working lates.

I feel like morally, I should say something - but I don’t want to put my foot in it. Would anyone have ideas on how to approach this?

You really need to find some interests of your own. This is none of your business. You sound like a stalker.

Sundaymorningcalla · 29/05/2025 21:06

No one having an affair is dumb enough to do so in full view of others.

They could be polyamorous. They could be swinging. They could have a cuckold or hotwife kink

Irrespective it's none of your fucking business.

Maybe put the same energy into improving your own self worth instead of curtain twitching and potentially ruining someone else's ..

CanelliniBeans · 29/05/2025 21:07

She could be an actress, an escort, working in a club or casino, many many things. Or she could be having an affair. Unless her husband is a close friend or relative you should just keep out of it.

Mummyratbag · 29/05/2025 21:07

Please don't, you have no idea what is going on, it's none of your business and even if he seems a nice guy he could react very badly. Women are most at danger when trying to leave a abusive relationship.

Arsehooooole · 29/05/2025 21:08

Oh bore off and mind your own business - me and my husband are the youngest of our neighbours ( in our 30s) and all the neighbours have done since we've moved in is harass and terrorise us .... For no reason!!
It's neighbours like you that cause stress and worry to people butting into people's business what has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Never mind all this "moral" bullshit

You just want to cause trouble

MissMoneyFairy · 29/05/2025 21:09

This has to be a joke, no one is that bloody bored and nosey.

beAsensible1 · 29/05/2025 21:09

Taking curtain twitching to another level. Please get a hobby

Huckleberries · 29/05/2025 21:09

Is this all you've got going on in your life OP?

Todayisaday · 29/05/2025 21:09

Omg really?? You are a curtain twitcher. Really mind your own business.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 29/05/2025 21:09

I cannot imagine being this nosey. And having been so nosey then jumping to so many outlandish conclusions based on nothing much. Have you considered watching the telly , reading a book, getting a hobby?
You don’t just tell someone you don’t know that well that, based on looking out of your window, that you think their partner is cheating on them. It would be an unwarranted, spiteful, rather mad way to behave. Please pull yourself together and mind your own business

StopStartStop · 29/05/2025 21:10

Not your business.

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