Called “greedy” at work

[HamOnBeth]

Yesterday we had a lunch buffet for a staff member who is going on mat leave. Usual routine is the buffet comes out at lunch time and everyone brings something such as sandwiches, sausage rolls, flapjacks, etc etc … basic party food. We do a little gift and card giving presentation then everyone gets tucked into the buffet. After lunch the food stays there and people just pick at it during the afternoon whilst they work.

So after lunch we got back to work and I walked across and got a few more sandwiches (other people were also going back up). An hour or so later I went back and got a few more bits - certainly not platefuls - just a couple of sandwiches, a couple of (bite size) flapjacks and a muffin.

We leave at 5pm. At 4pm someone said “there is so much food left”. That’s all I heard so I assumed it needed using up so I went back and got a few more bits. At this point someone said “Jesus Christ Beth, are you hungry?!”

I said “well it needs using up doesn’t it?” And laughed trying to keep it light hearted. Someone else then said “there is going to be none left for people to take home! No need to be greedy with it”.

Long story short it was apparently agreed that whatever was left would be taken home by those with kids. I did not hear this. I said I hadn’t heard this so someone said “Well no, you won’t have” and rolled their eyes.

was I really out of order here?? The food was there, lots of it. Nobody else was bothering with it. I’m embarrassed but I still don’t really think I did anything wrong? It’s not like I scoffed it all as soon as it came out.

So? Why is that any of their business?? If there is free food and she wants to eat it then that's her business - it's not theirs, and they certainly shouldn't be making negative comments. This is a workplace: people don't get to bully or make negative comments just because they disagree with what people are eating.

You appear to be ignoring the fact that this was a buffet and the food was left out after lunch (many offices don't actually have a designated "lunch hour" especially in professional settings). If the food was still there to be eaten then anyone who wanted some could have some. If there was a limitation then that should have been made clear.

Now: would you eat 4 platefuls of food?? Maybe not, and neither would I. I also wouldn't want to take home a load of warm buffet food that's been sat out all afternoon and coughed on by the whole office. BUT that is utterly irrelevant in this situation: if the food was available for all in the office then it was perfectly fine for her to shovel in whatever she wanted to eat. And to take some leftovers. What wasn't reasonable was for any co-workers to make comments to her about it. Or for there to be some provision that favored co-workers with children versus those without. It's bizarre that this load of food wasn't donated to a homeless shelter - but hey.

Sounds like a crap place to work, full of bitchy people who need to focus more on their work and less on what their co-workers are eating.

that whatever was left would be taken home by those with kids. I did not hear this. I said I hadn’t heard this so someone said “Well no, you won’t have” and rolled their eyes.

This comment sounds really bitchy.
Id be thinking that colleagues talk about me behind my back

I do t think you were being unreasonable, but at the same time, as someone who has lived with disordered eating myself, perhaps you weren’t very self aware either. Either way, your colleagues were rude to say something out loud.

I’ve struggled with food all my life. If I’d have been in that situation, I also would have struggled not to keep going back. I was always hungry. I knew I was eating more than everyone else. I knew I shouldn’t be hungry, but yet, I was hungry. Always! I would have been quietly assessing how long was appropriate to wait before going back for more. At the same time thinking, it would be a shame for the food to go to waste, but still, with an awareness that others were probably watching and judging. This wouldn’t have just been in buffet situation. Any shared food would have had me assessing whether or not I could do something like eat the last piece of garlic bread, even if everyone else was up to dessert. Could I take it? Would I be judged? Sometimes, I’d take the food anyway, and other times, that fear of judgement would stop me.

I guess I’d wonder whether you have self reflected on your own behaviour around food. For you, was this a one off, or is it usual for you? That’s not a question for you to answer here, but something to ponder. While your colleagues were rude, I would worry that that people were always judging my behaviour around food, whether they mentioned it or not. I don’t know you and you may or may not be overweight, I was, so this played into things too.

If you are significantly overweight, then speak to your doctor. I personally had weight loss surgery (I’m not advocating for this) and for the first time in my life, I’m not hungry! It’s will sound crazy to some people, but it has been the most freeing thing ever for me. The part of the stomach that is removed is where ghrelin is produced, this is the hunger hormone. These days, I’m rarely ever hungry. I’m also free of diet culture, don’t count calories, and while I’m mindful about what I eat, food no longer controls me.

I believe that some of the new weight loss drugs also have a similar effect. I’m not saying this is something that relates to what happened at work with your rude colleagues, but if it does resonate with you, please speak to your doctor.

Exactly.

This.
It does sound like you had quite a lot.

You should have said "oh I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you were struggling to feed your kids, and just assumed this would be thrown in the bin at the end of the day as it would be quite stale. If you need help, I would be more than happy to buy you a loaf of bread and some filling....." (said with a sickly sweet tone and smile).

They probably wanted to take home the leftover muffins and flapjacks, not the stale sandwiches.

Just a question..how many sandwiches can one eat every hour? You said after about an hour you got a few more sandwiches and you seem to have done this several times. So yes that’s a lot. Yes there’s no restriction but I think the point is if you’re eating like 10 sandwiches etc people may raise their eyebrows.

Who on earth wants to take home a load of flapjacks/cake that's been sat out all afternoon?? Much less gives a damn about it enough to cause them to be rude to a co-worker - whether or not that co-worker has been shovelling a load of food into their mouths all afternoon?? Of course they can think whatever they want - and no doubt lots of people did indeed think that it was quite the display of gluttony - but the point is to keep that kind of thought to oneself when at work.

She didn't fill her plate several times or want to take any home. Where did you read that?

Much compassionate empathy to you
You're Most Surely not unreasonable nor greedy
Why do some smart alecs feel the need to make such unnecessary unkind digs - How were you supposed to know some made an agreement to bring some home to their children, unless they made a proper announcement, where everyone was present to be informed
Seems there always has to be 1 or 2 to spoil some events, ready with Wise cracks to put others down
You've done nothing wrong, hold your head high, don't permit the snide ones to make you feel embarrassment
This is their aim
Primarily, the buffet was for work staff not their Children & not a single one of them has the right to try to make you feel small with their malicious mockery
Please stay strong, these types will be picking on someone else soon
Wishing You&Yours All The Utmost Very Best Sincere Soul 💚🤗💚

It might not have been women. Men can be just as bad in the workplace!

GiveDogBone wow. I suggest you read the OP again. OP has already said that at 4pm there was loads left. How have you come to the conclusion that there wasn't enough for everyone else?

@changeme4this

why on earth would she do that?? Do you think they’ll be so jealous of her takeaway they’ll feel remorseful and bad about thinking her to be greedy at the buffet??
I don’t think they’ll give a shit

@Caligirl80

they sit out all afternoon at a bakery or the bakery section of a supermarket…what’s the difference?

Eating stuff not because you’re hungry but simply because you think it would go to waste otherwise is greedy though 🤷‍♀️

Are people really saying its “grim” and “minging” to eat a muffins that's been sitting out in a plate for a few hours? MN batshittery at its finest.

My kids used to live it when I had meetings with a working lunch buffet thing. They always had a posh packed lunch the next day. And reader, they lived.

Quite simply you work with idiots! Eat what you want and as a previous poster said note down exactly what was said and by whom those comments are not on.

We only have so long on this earth those fools really need to get a grip. It’s not greedy it’s just an office buffet with food left over it’s better than it all getting chucked in the bin.

The office I used to work in used to try and pull that nonsense of people with kids get leftovers, first pick for Christmas and New Year’s but then changed it when people spoke up about inclusiveness for all and regardless of who it was.

They also changed because they found out someone had loads of debt had been kicked out of their home and was sofa surfing etc was sometimes not eating for two three days at a time, sleeping in the office etc.

So glad I don’t work in that type of office and everyone just helps themselves no nasty comments, just the usual where we ordering from next.

To be honest the person who rolled their eyes & made that nasty comment , I would confront her , the food was for staff so if u wanted to eat more then it’s nobody else’s business . It’s not your place of works job to feed other staff members kids .

I also want to add, having been given leftovers from work buffets for my kids in the past, the food looks a lot less tempting when I've got it home and my kids have shown zero interest in it!

@MissAvainthesun one person eating to excess when they’re not even hungry anymore just so it doesn’t go to waste isn’t more virtuous than it going in the bin

@Cherrytree86 she wasn’t eating to excess though was she? It’s just a few bloody plates of food and if someone’s hungry just let them eat. Ok I could understand if she was loading her plate high, then shoving it into bags to take home later but that’s not the case, horrible colleagues is the problem here not someone having food at a buffet 🙄

@MissAvainthesun

i think a few plates of food is a lot

And if she was eating to excessive, who gives a shit? The food was there for the colleagues, not the children at home. She was going back for more because no one else was. That's why the food was there. Yes, I agree...horrible and greedy colleague.