Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

Mother-in-law’s nephew is getting married but I am not invited and neither are any other partners of cousins . I am upset as unfashionable as this is on mumsnet, I love a wedding.

Husband’s brothers-in-law are thrilled that they don’t have to be dragged to an in-law wedding. I would refer to it as a family wedding.

The Groom wrote a letter to all of his 11 first cousins explaining his reasons. I think it’s great that he has included his cousins. It will be nice for them.

I am upset but unreasonable to be so. I am not being singled out.

Now here is my AIBU at last! I was going to stay in the hotel, a really nice one with a spa, I know another cousin’s husband was going too as well to play golf there.

Cousin has now written to everyone again saying that they understand that some spouses are going to the ceremony (I was most definitely NOT going to do this) and taking advantage of the venue’s amenities. He has said that he just wanted to say that a bar was reserved just for this invited guests the night before , this hadn’t occurred to me. There will be no further capacity for the evening (I did think, hope, that they might invite me in for a dance (I have NEVER mentioned this to anyone)and he was hoping guests would all have breakfast together.

What does everyone think? Fair enough for the wedding but all the other restrictions????

I reckon OP is bound to come up in conversation at the wedding "what's Notmotherofflowergirls up to this weekend?" "Ah actually she's here, in the hotel room" "Oh then bring her down, let her join in!" (secretly thinking oh bugger, what's it going to cost/will the venue be peed off about an extra person/how many other spouses are here?)

Presumably OP and the other spouses were left out simply for budget reasons.

I do think though that the old-fashined etiquette was not to split couples, but it's a more flexible thing now. Just a shame for OP. I do understand, I love weddings too.

I was More than happy to pay for the attached spa and treatments.

I am totally supportive of them not inviting cousins’ spouses

Maybe I'm being stupid, but I can't quite work out how this matches with "My husband has every right to go to his cousin’s wedding with his family"?

As for secretly hoping you might be invited in for a dance, it's really not likely to be a quick dance and then leave when someone's bound to say "Oooo not seen you for ages, come and have a chat ..." and then start going to the bar for you

Very weird behaviour by OP.

Just secretly hoping to be invited for a dance.

😂

Poor form to leave you out then.

These people would be dead to me from now on. Don’t invite them to your home or anywhere else. You reap what you sow.

I think if this had been in your OP you would have had more sympathy. I can see why you feel aggrieved.

I doubt they would miss you anyway, if that is your behaviour.

What behaviour?

You should have mentioned this in your original post OP.

why?

it’s a public hotel. Not just the wedding party is there

it is an expensive room paid for by the guests not the wedding party. There is room for her in it. There are facilities in the hotel apart from the wedding that she can use while the wedding is going on.

the breakfast is in a public restaurant and paid for by the guests. In what universe is it ok for anyone to tell someone else they can’t stay at the hotel and go for breakfast? The whole thing is bonkers.

I would absolutely be making the most of a room I had paid for! But ultimately Why on earth would it be weird for the OP to join them all for breakfast. Not one bit of the day after is being paid for by the B&G. If it were my husband he’d just say I want to get home anyway if I wasn’t there and skip the breakfast.

Saying that they would be dead to you, simply for not being invited to a wedding which they explained several times how their thinking was.

We had a small wedding 40 people in total.So we have been to weddings where the B&G might not have been to our wedding.

If we had 11 cousins and invited their spouses, that would have been half our guests!

I suppose the invitations are along the lines of we don't want to cause family upset by not inviting cousins but we don't care if they enjoy themselves and would much prefer they refuse the invitation than have their partner hanging around the hotel regardless of the fact that we haven't booked it for exclusive use and aren't paying for the accommodation. All a bit half-arsed, isn't it? You're doing the right thing by not going, of course.

So happy days then, everyone should be happy.

the 11 cousins parents may have been invited

or the groom is one of many. Either way it doesn’t matter.

they have limited number and it’s important to the groom his cousins are there but unfortunately the invited cannot extended to spouses

if they can’t attend sans spouse they can rsvp no

You're not invited so why do you want to go and have your spa break at the same hotel on the same date that the wedding's taking place if not to just hang around on the fringes? He probably means there is a function room with a bar specifically for the wedding guests and wants to make sure that you're aware of this rather than just turning up and joining them. It all seems a bit cringe to me there's nothing to stop you having a break but why the exact same hotel? It looks like you can't bear to be away from your partner for a night or hoping that they're going to invite you in because you're there hanging around like a bad smell hoping for a dance.

I think you should go - your husband has paid for a room and actually weddings are public ceremonies and can be watched by members of the public!
As for having a dance - I see no reason why you couldn't later on. In my experience no one really notices who's there or not and sometimes full day guests (particularly those from the older generation) leave early anyway. I think.the cousin-in-law is being very precious to exclude the spouses from the evening do, particularly if the couple attended your full wedding. They certainly can't dictate what happens the night before or breakfast the day after unless they've paid for it.

Btw - Has no one on this post seen the film Wedding Crashers??

You don’t appear to understand her question either but here you are….

Because the room is expensive and already paid for by the OP. The whole point is her being able to use the facility that she has paid for.

why would she want to pay again for another room?

First cousin at that!

And the morning after when the OP is excluded from the brekkie

This! People on here are mental, or maybe they have more money than sense. She’s already paid for the room, why would she pay for another elsewhere?!

I think if you want to make a weekend out of it, which I understand if the location is nice, your DH should cancel the room (f there is no charge) and book another nice hotel nearby. He can just go to the ceremony and meal afterwards while you do some sightseeing, and you can both have dinner the night before and breakfast without any awkwardness as you will not be bumping into the groom.

Suppose they simply cannot afford everyone?

So MIL’s nephew is your husband’s first cousin?
seriously I’d find something else to that weekend and not look so desperate.