Do you leave meals for grandparents when they're babysitting

[Jellyrose20]

I've just returned to work after mat leave and we have various grandparents helping out with childcare for my baby which I'm very lucky to have.

I'm getting mixed messaged from them as to whether I should be leaving them lunch to have.

Two of them have stated they'll bring their own food as they feel it's unfair to ask me to prepare something.

The other has asked I leave her something in the fridge and has been specific about what they will and won't eat.

I'm happy either way but I'm wondering what the done thing is.

Yabu - I leave them a prepared lunch

Yanbu- I would not prepare them a lunch

Yes, I did. Every time. Dad never made specific requests though. I basically cooked for the kids, usually quiche or something like that. Kids and adults all ate the same thing. I just made extra.

There’s no done thing and neither is unreasonable, it depends on what you and they are happy with.

pressumably they’re providing free childcare? In which case it not unfair to ask you provide them some lunch.

I don’t necessarily leave a prepared lunch but make sure there’s plenty of lunch things in the fridge and cupboards and/or leave money for them to go out to cafe.

If they’re providing free childcare chucking them lunch whilst they’re in your home wouldn’t be unreasonable.

I would easily each individual what is their preference and ask for some things they would like to have stocked in the fridge.

also a pot of petty cash in the house for them to use for ice creams, small trips is handy. They may feel silly asking for £3 here and there but it all adds up.

there is no "done" thing but if someone is asking you to leave certain things for her to eat then just do it. I don't really understand why that would even be a problem. Unless they're asking for fois gras and cavier.

We always cook for my mum when she minds. It’s a pain though. She’ll say u never let me help. But her coming round for an evening ‘to help’ means us cooking and cleaning in advance, a bit of time for the kids to hang out with her which they love, then me ignoring them while she chats to me, I don’t get any usual evening chores done somehow, late night to bed and knackered from more people time than I can cope with.

For regular childcare, no. I would expect them to bring a packed lunch or something to heat up for themselves. I would, of course, provide meals and snacks for the children. But it feels a bit infantilising. Like you don’t even get to choose what you want to eat for your lunch.

MIL does come to stay occasionally and will stay with dc while dh and I are out and in that instance, yes, I do leave them with a meal to have together. But it’s because she’s a houseguest and not going back to her own home.

I will only do it for one meal though. After that, either we’ll be back or she has to go to the shop and get her own food. She is a T1 diabetic and eats a very closely monitored diet and honestly, I just can’t be responsible for stocking the house with the right snacks and food to help her manage her blood sugar. There is always food, but she’s young and well enough to be able to be able to sort herself out within me trying to guess what diet she is on now or how high or low her sugars need to be.

I’d be very happy to get her any requested items in the regular food shop. It’s the effort of the meal planning for someone who won’t request things that I have no energy for.

In between your two options: I wouldn’t prepare it but I’d buy something I know they like for them to help themselves.

I'd just stock the fridge / cupboards with food they like. I wouldn't consider preparing stuff really unless people specifically asked me to.

Whenever MIL has watched DD it’s been at her house so I usually just leave some cash so they can go out for lunch at the garden centre or something, if she were to watch DD at my house I’d make sure there was food in and tell them to help themselves to whatever they want, I can’t imagine she’d want me to make her a packed lunch.

It doesn’t matter

Yes. Always. If they’re babysitting at their house, they get gifts each week to thank them.

I would make sure the cupboards weren’t bare but I’m not cooking and leaving them a prepared lasagne or something!

They can make a sandwich 😂

I would (and did) have food in for them to make themselves a sandwich, omelette, beans on toast, etc.

I also got nice cakes, biscuits and crisps in that I knew my mum liked specifically.

You’re getting free childcare, it’s the least you can do.

Either is fine. I always made food for mine by way of a thank you. They would never have asked for anything specific though. And actually contrary to other posters I think that's a bit cheeky - if you have specific requirements you should bring them with you.

I wouldn't make anything except perhaps a cake they can help themselves to but I'd buy in savoury bits they like so they can make some food for themselves.

they’ve made it clear what they expect. Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You have to decide if that works for you or not.

I do provide dinner for baby sitting if it's in the evening, it's a thank you for the inconvenience. I don't take specific orders but I'm a good cook so will make something I know they will enjoy. My stepdad loves fish for example so will do him a salmon/potato/peas type of dinner.

Yes, I did but my Mum never asked or expected it . She would always stay for tea that night too.
She would just have a larger version of what my son was having at lunchtime but I’d always get a nice cream cake or pudding as a treat for her.

Given that food has to be bought, why would you not provide food for someone giving you free (I presume) childcare?
i would love some of these grandparents to say ‘Well, if you can’t be bothered to leave me a bit of lunch when I’m providing a service saving you up to £100 a day, then I can’t be bothered to care for your child!’
It’s just mean!

For lunch I would ensure there was always bread, fillings, snacks and cake in the house rather than actually prepare it

I would leave food in the house for them to help themselves to.

Have you considered-just not cooking and cleaning in advance?

I didn't for regular childcare if it was my parents (they wouldn't have eaten it although I did leave tea, coffee, soft drinks) but did for non family childcare.

I think it depends on the person.

We only had any parents look after the kids maybe 3 times in 20 years. We bought them lunch once and left food twice.

I think either is fine. You are very lucky!!

If I was lucky enough to have reliable and free childcare from a family member I would serve them whatever they wanted on a silver platter.

seriously though I would just always have salad, deli meat, cheese and nice bread available and just ask them to help themselves. Stuff that would get eaten anyway if they didn’t want it. ALWAYS decent tea and coffee and nice biscuits for the afternoon slump.

The rare times my parents have babysat I wouldn’t dream of not having food in for them, or ordering a
takeaway for the evening.