Do you leave meals for grandparents when they're babysitting

[Jellyrose20]

I've just returned to work after mat leave and we have various grandparents helping out with childcare for my baby which I'm very lucky to have.

I'm getting mixed messaged from them as to whether I should be leaving them lunch to have.

Two of them have stated they'll bring their own food as they feel it's unfair to ask me to prepare something.

The other has asked I leave her something in the fridge and has been specific about what they will and won't eat.

I'm happy either way but I'm wondering what the done thing is.

Yabu - I leave them a prepared lunch

Yanbu- I would not prepare them a lunch

We always made sure there was plenty available for anyone babysitting at our house, basic lunch options, tinned soup, sandwiches, salad etc as well as things like M&S chicken pieces, fish fingers etc in the freezer. If I was pre preparing our evening meal I would ensure a portion was available in the fridge or indeed leftovers.
Tea, coffee, drinks, biscuits, cake, fruit, yogurt, nuts, toast etc always available.

Adjust the heating as desired, use the tv, internet etc. I very much appreciate the help.

That’s awful.

I wouldn't "prepare" anything but I would ask them what they like on a sandwhich, whether they prefer brown or white bread etc and make sure I had stuff in so they could help themselves.
If I happened to have leftovers from our dinner the night before I would say "there's some X in the fridge, feel free to heat some up for your lunch" but I wouldn't necessarily think to make an extra portion. I would also make sure they knew they could help themselves to tea, coffee, snacks, fruit etc and again I would check if there was anything they particularly liked. If they prefer a specific brand of tea bags or what kind of milk they liked in their tea/coffee, for example.

I think it's reasonable to expect food to be available but a bit odd for them to be asking you to actually prepare a meal for them in advance, especially if they're specifying what they would like that meal to be. You're not a restaurant.

You can ask for things without anyone feeling bad if you ask nicely. "Would you mind....please".

@arcticpandas that grandchild is now 14 - so it's not something I have to worry about any more!

I eat whatevers in my daughters fridge. Sometimes I take a contribution . However if I'm flying out of the door at 6.45 to get to them in time for them to go to work I don't make myself a sandwhich to take.

I don’t because they wouldn’t want us to, but if they asked then I would absolutely buy them something (guessing they are providing free childcare). I wouldn’t want to prepare them something specific as I don’t have time.

Gosh thats really sad. Look on it as their loss though

I looked after my cousin’s baby three times a week for about three months.

I helped myself to whatever was in the fridge. Absolutely no way I’d buy myself a meal deal en route when I was basically doing a shift for free. I also wouldn’t have expected my cousin to have prepared me a sandwich before she left for work.

I’d help myself to a bowl of cereal, or scrambled egg on toast, get a packet of crisps or biscuit with my cuppa. But I’ve grown up in a family whereby you make yourself at home.

As a GP we always take our food with us. If we are childminding when our children are working we also take meals for the grandchildren as well. This is to give our children and their spouses a break. They all work long hours. The grandchildren also like certain things we make and we get requests. If we are babysitting in the evening we tend to just take cheese and biscuits with us. This is not because my children don’t offer us anything. We just want them to have a nice evening out without having to rush around beforehand.
However, we much prefer to look after the grandchildren in our own house.

I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ignore your reply but I’m not sure of the point you’re trying to make. Are you a grandma who is tired and needing recognition for what you see as the favor you’re doing by looking after your grandchildren? Because it’s certainly not me although I do admit I sleep very well.

I understand the point being made: that providing childcare on a regular basis is a huge favour. I'm a mum and my children could exhaust me so ofcourse they could exhaust a grandma. It has nothing to do with how much you love the kids but just attach your halo while riding on your high horses.

My parents and ILs are out of town so very irregular with childcare. I think they would be offended and wouldn't eat what I'd left. We tend to reference the options that are in the fridge and leave them to it.

My in-laws babysat and I left dinner(I was on a night shift)usually or everything ready to go in the oven or slow cooker.

Providing child care isn’t a favour. But if it is in your world, I can understand the anger in your last post and it’s probably best directed at those who are causing it.

Unpaid childcare is definitely a favour, what else would you call it?

I wasn't the one who wrote the post you responded to previously but I did not find her tone "angry" at all. Just stating a fact: gp taking care of gc are doing the parents a favour. No matter how willingly and lovingly they are doing it, it's still a favour- especially if it's on a regular basis. I am utterly greatful to my Mil for having one of my sons over even though she says it's a joy. Because it's still work, less so now when they are older but she still has to feed them and be responsible for them. You are the one being aggressive and frankly quite weird on this thread.

Articpanda, I don’t see any point in discussing this with you further.

Your comment re love was quite shocking and I’m left wondering just why would a persons mind even go there the way yours did?

And I'm allowed to not understand who a comment by another poster was referring to - me or the poster. Just as you’re allowed to be confused by something another poster has said.

So again just for you - looking after grandchildren is not a favor, and yes it can be tiring, an absolutely beautiful tiredness, which is why I commented I sleep well at night.

Whether you like the above or not is of no concern to me, and you not liking it certainly isn’t going to set me off the way you’ve responded to what I’ve said. And that’s the last I’m saying about this, and not just because I have a grandson graduating from high school this afternoon and that’s where I’ll be.

I wouldn’t make a meal as it would take time and depends what they fancy each time.
But I would always have selection of food in fridge, freezer and cupboards so they can help themselves to. Fresh soups ( find out favourites), bread, eggs, cheese, salad and fruits, etc.

Even when we have someone here to stay to feed the cat I always make sure there there’s food in for the first few days, show them stocked pantry of dried staples and usually leave something like cake or homemade cookies to start them off. So I couldn’t leave someone weekly all day with my child without food.

There’s no right or wrong answer. If the GP are requesting you leave meals for them and you’re not happy with that, you can use paid childcare. They’re not unreasonable to ask but you’re also not unreasonable to decline and use an alternative. What would be unreasonable is you demanding they look after the children on your terms- ie no meals provided.

Yes it is .

On Mumsnet the word “favour” seems to imply obligation and maybe reluctance and something that is onerous that you hate doing and has to be begged for and immediately reciprocated in some way. In the real world it has no more depth than something you do for someone else that might make their life a little easier.

I would make sure there are provisions in the house, meaning things they will like that they can prepare for themselves - assuming lunch is just sandwiches or similar. I wouldn't be preparing them a meal in advance. You could agree a list of items to add to your weekly shop for them, and they could bring any extra things they want to supplement with.

So again just for you - looking after grandchildren is not a favor, and yes it can be tiring, an absolutely beautiful tiredness, which is why I commented I sleep well at night.

It isn't just one poster.
Everyone, except for you, understands that a Grandparent looking after their dgc when the parents are at work, is doing a MASSIVE favour for their child (the parents).

I look after my grandchildren regularly for a few hours every week so daughter can go to gymn,swim ,she is on maternity leave.Never occurred to me that my daughter should provide food for me . If hungry I just make a sandwich or we go out.