Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

[newmumabouttown]

My DS is 15 months old. My DH is incredibly accident prone. I have tried to talk to him calmly, I’ve also more frequently lost my temper. I’ve tried to approach conversations with seriousness, explain repercussions, but I feel he’s just not listening. Monday he closed the dishwasher and didn’t see our son had his fingers in it and trapped them. Just now, he had his wardrobe open with DS under him but was choosing an outfit and didn’t see DS trap his fingers in hinge. It is destroying our relationship as I keep thinking I just need to get him away / out.
I know he cares, as he can be loving, but I feel like he doesn’t care enough to be on alert all the time or make adjustments. I don’t know what to do… feeling lost.
Also, just to add it’s not just with our DS. He’s constantly stepping on my feet. I had an operation recently and when we were in car he accidentally hit where I’d been cut, and then seconds later slipped changing gear and punched my leg. It wasn’t deliverable, but it’s hard not to feel like it is when it’s so frequent.

@Cheesyfootballs01
I once heard someone with dyspraxia describe how they could not sit on a chair safety. They had to somehow wedge themselves in or they would invariably topple off.

Were they lying too?

Your normal is not everyone’s normal.

The fact he is not having accidents himself, and not hurting himself is rather telling. I would boot him to Mars, myself. That poor little baby.

He sounds very like my husband. There's no intent to hurt anyone but he's forever bumping into things, tripping, mistepping on the stairs and ending up in a heap, I don't even want to go into the number of times he's banged and cut his head on the car boot/bonnet, kitchen cupboard doors that he's left open, walked into walls. He's always bumping into us, standing on toes, falling over the dog who's 40kg and not easy to miss!! It's a bit of a standing joke in our house to be honest. His spacial awareness isn't great and driving is safe but judging distances and parking are another story.

When our children were younger, everywhere was baby proofed, especially doors which all had the stoppers on them to prevent trapped fingers. After reading your posts, I'm glad I did this as it probably prevented a lot of accidents for my husband as much as the children!

Good luck, it's natural for him not to notice particularly because it's probably the way he's always been, it'll be very new to him to have to look at the world in a completely different way now he's a dad.

The fact he is only "accident-prone" in regard to others suggests at the very least a remarkable lack of care for and awareness of others. Most accident-prone people hurt themselves accidentally, and not others.

Sorry but whaaaaat?
I was responding to the person who LITERALLY made up that I was being collected from hospital. I’m not minimising I am FACT checking. I haven’t lied about anything - there are some seriously weird stories added to my post by other people.

99% of the time myopia is developmental, they don't (usually) start off very myopic, it develops over a period of time. That's why myopia control has really taken off.

Although, longsightedness occurs much earlier and is often concurrent with muscle imbalances which can impair 3D vision.

Yeah…. You keep telling yourself that OP…

Is he any better in an automatic car? Maybe you could suggest he takes a driver refresher course or a defensive driver course. He might be open it to it if you suggest it as a way to polish up his skills or something like that. Having feedback on his driving from a neutral third party might be really helpful. You could perhaps suggest that you do a course too after he’s done his so he doesn’t feel targeted.

Well said.
This is just another selfish arrogant man who cares only about himself and his own well-being.
Women are subordinates who don't matter, children are a problem for women to deal with and he shouldn't have to be squandering any of his precious attention or effort on their account.

But OP said he doesn’t have dyspraxia? Apparently just clumsy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Althought he curiously he doesn’t seem to hurt or damage himself at all

newmumabouttown · Today 12:53
I can’t think of any accidents for himself, it’s not about him hurting himself, it’s the fact I believe he doesn’t pay attention, so allows a baby to hurt themself or doesn’t realise where his limbs are in relation to me.

OP, I’m glad your opinion has changed a bit here about how it can be useful to think about conditions as that can help us find the right solutions. Also this thread has blown my mind - I never close kitchen cupboards as I use them because I associate it with hurt. And used to bang myself on cupboards. I thought it was a sensory coping mechanism but I bet it’s a physical/clumsiness one.

Lots of us grew up before everything was diagnosed and made our coping mechanisms as we went. I think those coping mechanisms get really disrupted by becoming parents and your DH needs new ones! My DH needed new ones for his now Dx ADHD. I’ve had to learn how to put things away safely and shut and lock cupboard doors

Yes the op is in denial and defaulting to 'shoot the messenger' mode.
I don't think we should berate her for this, it's shocking and upsetting and hard to face up to the fact that your partner doesn't care about the well-being of your precious infant.

I am -16 and was pretty myopic even at 2 or 3. When younger and very slim, I constantly had bruised hip bones as cannot judge corners
as I walk.

But they would hurt themselves. Everyone on this thread who has gone on to say this is normal, have then described how accident prone or people with dyspraxia have hurt themselves. The op said she cannot think of one example of when her dh has hurt himself. Just her and their toddler.

I am hypermobile, under investigation for ADHD, I frequently bump into the edge of things, eg door handles, and frequently fall downstairs. I once fell downstairs holding my cat. That is the closest I‘ve got to hurting someone else.

I too think this thread is crazy OP .., and so is the fact that you don’t/won’t accept any ND ‘labels’, yet also label your dh clumsy 🤔🤷‍♀️
Lets hope your ds does not turn out to be ‘clumsy’ like your dh - he’ll never get help as there’s no point in labels eh? 🤨

I would consider the possibility that the OP's husband does hurt himself regularly but unless it needs medical treatment I think you get into the habit of ignoring it. I am so used to cuts and bruises that I'm oblivious to them at this point. It only becomes a 'thing' when it impacts all our lives in the sense that I'm in a plaster cast and can't drive, for example. The everyday bumps and bangs no longer even register.

This doesn't address the problem of why this man shows no concern or remorse when he hurts his child or other people.

But would the OP know if he had hurt himself (or registered it)? It’s not like I tell my DH every time I walk into a door or stub my toe. Hell, sometimes I don’t even register it (and wonder where the bruise came from this time). He probably remembers the time I smacked the car door into my head, but other than that I’ve never injured myself in a way that’s memorable.

Is your husband worried about it? What is his reactions to accidentally hurting your son?

Some people are saying you should fit safety closers to your cupboard doors, etc. I would say your husband should be doing this - he needs to do the work to find a solution to his problem

True, but to be fair the OP says she has more often than not lost her temper and shouted at him. He could double down and be stubborn about it - which I'm not saying is the right thing to do! Given the OP's reluctance to explore any genuine medical reason behind this there's every chance he feels the same and just feels attacked and goes on the defensive. If he knows he's really not doing it on purpose then he won't see any way he can avoid it. They both need to handle this differently.

Dh and kids see me walk into things or see bruises or scrapes and ask how I got them and I often don't know.

So while I don't mention all the bumps and mishaps they are vaugely aware of them and care enough if asked would know it was an issue for me.

I'd say that's easy done to be fair, especially in a small space.

Providing there is no underlying cause-This would fucking infuriate me. Not only that but the scream a child does when they hurt themselves I’d feel awful and want to try my hardest not to make that happen again. He’s just being careless. He needs to be more aware it’s pathetic.

Getting a diagnosis of a condition isn't just "labeling", OP. People don't go through grueling processes of assessment and diagnosis for things like ADHD just to "get a label" and then be let off the hook for everything they ever do wrong.

Getting a diagnosis means you can access proper support and treatment (notwithstanding dismal state of affairs for disabled people and their support right now, but that's another conversation), try out different techniques in a focused and methodical way, and find peer support and understanding, as well as being able to understand yourself. The way you talk about ADHD, dyspraxia and "labels" is ignorant.

This. I spent a lot of very sad time feeling I was useless and pathetic until I got my 'labels' and could understand what was going on and find ways to help myself.