Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

[Becwi]

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

Do you think she said she don’t want you there?

His mum obviously hates you
I Would turn up with BF

Message her and ask if you have been left off the invitation list.

Hi, Jane. Am I invited to Daniel's party, or not?
If it is a No, I'd definitely have a relationship discussion with BF.

And the OP has said numerous times that she refuses to respond to messages etc

Can’t your boyfriend invite you?? Maybe his mum just assumes you’ll come because you’re his girlfriend

I think this is the only thing to do... and I'd ask BF the same question.
He asked her to give you details and she said don't worry about it That's not an answer and no one would take it that way. Then he told you to stop discussing it..

So he knows you are not sure if you have been uninvited or not. Other people have had details and have asked you about dress codes... but both he and his mother are keeping you in the dark.

The only way to not be in the dark is to ask both of them out right Am I invited or not because at the moment it feels like I'm being excluded by both of you and Ihaven't done anything wrong.... and keep asking until you get a definite answer.

Sorry OP.. the whole thing sounds really rubbish for you. They are not treating you well.. and the MIL is not nice at all but the partner doesn't have your back.

Why don't you pick up the phone and call? Or pop round? Or ask the friend/gf who reached out to you?

Do you mean she doesn't answer the phone? Have you tried using another phone, maybe your boyfriend's?

This has now been suggested 53 times. No answer is forthcoming.

To texts, yes. Not calls.

OP, why can you not just accompany your boyfriend to his surprise party? Or will he be at his mum's so she can take him there? It all sounds utterly bizarre.

Agreed, completely weird, especially as she hadn’t bothered replying to the OP’s message.

OP, I think his mum is annoyed with you for thinking that she wouldn’t organise anything. Undeservedly so, because she should have replied to you. But I think that’s why she shouted at your DP. I also think that’s why you haven’t heard from her. She’s got the hump with you. I think she’s working on the basis that you’ll find out the details the same time he does and that all you need to know for now is to keep that date free.

I'd text his mum now to say, 'Quick heads up, Janet. Unless I get confirmation from you by 9am tomorrow morning about what time/date/location and event you have planned for Jim's birthday surprise then I'll be taking him out for the day, just the two of us for a romantic time. Cheers, @Becwi '

Bet she responds to that one!

This is such a weird thread. So your boyfriend won’t be attending his surprise party then? In which case surely you won’t go either? Or if he is going to it, then tag along with him to wherever he has been told to go (the pub, his mums house, whatever) and be there when everyone jumps out.

I’ve tried calling her today and she just keeps cancelling calls.

Sorry OP but this is absurd. If your boyfriend should deal with his mother.

Why the hell are you still with this man, seriously

Is he actually going to go to this surprise that his mum has organised? Even though she is purposely stopping you from attending?

I don't know a single person who would do this to their long term partner.

So is your boyfriend going to go to the party or not? Is the mum refusing to tell him when and where it is?

Speaking as a M of a nearly 40yr DS, I wouldn’t dream of laying down the law about how he or his GF would want to entertain themselves for his B’day. But I wasn’t a young M haha.
I hope this all blows over & every1 enjoys themselves 🍰

OP you have a partner issue. Instead of telling her that she's being unreasonable and telling her to fix things with you he's letting things fester.

Very, very rude. Beyond rude it’s a nasty insult to you.

Wouldn't you just assume you're invited, not needing a formal invitation? Hope so.

You need to run a mile from this man and his mother. They are both behaving so weirdly.

And it is your boyfriend who needs to be calling his mother and texting her all day long until he gets a proper answer as to why you are not invited. That’s what a decent partner would do.