Criticised over my eating style

[Fernandez54]

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

That's the one I always order. I can never eat the whole pizza anyway and I love more vegetables.

In Italy you would enjoy a slice of pizza not the whole thing. Your pasta dish and salad would be separate.

Well I only eat once a day. We dont all need to eat several times a day thanks!

Don’t most have lasagna with salad? Especially with garlic bread as well. Helps digest the carbs and feel less bloated.

So you’re at his house and helping him to decorate and he tells you off for mixing salad and lasagne?

Nah, at 54, you’re too old for this shit.

Helping him decorate and he doesn't even offer you anything to eat because he only eats once a day? Nope, sounds rude.

Op's update saying that if she left he would ignore her and not message her says it all. It doesn't sound like he cares about you very much

I have to say it all sounds pretty miserable to me.

He criticises your clothes and the way you eat. He accuses you of overreacting when you defend yourself. He would stop speaking to you altogether if you'd decided to leave.

You're 3 years in but you don't feel comfortable enough to just get some food to eat if you're hungry. He sure feels comfortable enough to get you doing the decorating though.

I'd rather eat a bag of warm salad from the Indian takeaway than put up with all that but there you go.

you would eat salad thats been touching wet lasagne? eeyw big ick

So he's criticising your eating style... then using a fork that's been in his mouth to pick up salad from a bowl that everyone else is eating from...? Hmm... You are not unreasonable. He, however, is incredibly unhygienic.

Just wondering - are you sure he is criticizing you? Or could it be, especially as English is probably not his first language, rather that he is commenting on your differences and you are taking it as him being critical? (I'm thinking both of the salad situation and wearing jeans on a hot day situation.) I am in a cross cultural marriage, and there are definitely strange differences in the way we do things, and we'll point them out and even tease each other, but we aren't critical.

If that's not the case and you feel like he is putting you down rather than being willing to discuss these things rationally and respect your differences, then I don't think this relationship has much of a future. I do find it strange that it's taken 3 years to get to this point though.

For what it's worth. Just because you eat a late dinner with him, and that's definitely a cultural thing, doesn't mean you can't eat anything earlier in the day. If he doesn't have anything suitable in the house (not even any breakfast food?) then bring some with you, or go out and pick up something. It's ok for you to say that I get too hungry not eating anything all day until 9pm and need something to tide me over. If he has an issue with that, I think that tells you all you need to know.

And my opinions, just in case you're interested:
A side salad should be served on a side plate.
Even if you've previously shared bodily fluids with your dining companion, eating with a fork out of a communal serving bowl is disgusting.
Why on earth would anyone wear jeans on a hot day? I can't think of anything more uncomfortable. (How hot was it? Was it actually hot, or just a bit warm?) That is probably the most unreasonable thing on this thread, and if I was your boyfriend I would have commented too. But in the end it's your choice.

Well, yes, but the issue is whether you put it on the same plate as the lasagna.

It's yum 😋 don't knock it till you've tried it!
And don't knock other people's choices just because you don't like it.

Eating from a communal bowl is disgusting.

Greek person here, we put salad on the same plate. Some salads I have had served to me on the side same as a side salad when I've been to restaurants in the UK.

the jeans issue was that I hadn’t realised it was going to be that hot that day and as I don’t live with him I didn’t have a huge lot of choice clothing wise, the other issue is I’m quite body conscious so summer clothes stress me out.

And yes I get the language barrier (although he has lived here half his life, it was more than just a throwaway comment, and been told your eating style is disgusting 🤷‍♀️

Sack him off!

Gosh I put the hot lasagna on top of the salad leaves and eat in on the same fork. He doesn’t know how lucky he is 🫣

Lasagne and salad would be my last supper if I get sent to the chair. Hot and cold, on a plate together. My favourite. Over and out.

N.B I’m British and have never committed a crime, but a plan is always good.

I don’t wear jeans abroad, and a lot of body conscious women feel really self conscious in summer clothes, I daren’t even try shorts ! And traditional Spanish do eat yesterdays bread!

Have mine on with the lasagna , also love beans with lasagne and garlic bread

🤣🤣🤣

I thought that was going to be the point of the thread.

Why are you not eating all day, feeling starving and then eating a late dinner? That’s the eating style I’d be critical of.

There’s nothing wrong with eating salad with lasagne, your bf is being weird.

It’s not odd to have your salad next to your lasagne! Not even a little bit.
Did he eat it out of the communal bowl because you had already taken your share and the bowl was essentially not being used again by anyone else by him? Because in that scenario, not so odd for him to eat his out of the bowl. But if the expectation was that you both would be eating out of it interchangeably and you’d be continuing to help yourself, then it’s gross that he ate out of the bowl. He should have decanted his share into a separate bowl.
There are plenty of warm things that salad can be eaten with! What an odd point of view. I wonder what else he tries to control you over …..

🙌🏻

Pp saying that's it's cultural, but I'd he's lived here half his life surely it's not a surprise to him that people in the UK don't do everything the same as in Spain.
So therefore he's being rude and controlling because he wants to be rude and controlling and thinks he can.

Do you want to eat once a day? I get that eating late is a big part of their culture but they do eat other meals.

If you wanted to eat more than once a day, how would be react?