Criticised over my eating style

[Fernandez54]

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

It’s not , why are you questioning yourself, I don’t like the sound of him.

I love hot food with a side salad! Its a nice contrast and I think the textures/temperature differences please my wonky brain.

DH is Greek and this is exactly how his family eat salad. However, they accept that I’m a ’squeamish foreigner’ and give me a separate plate to put mine on. —Not that it solves the problem of everyone sticking their used forks into the bowl that I have to serve myself from, but hey.—

Same, I love the contrast of hot and rich with cold and light, perfection.

It’s not about the salad it’s about him somehow thinking he’s in charge of you, and you not having the self worth to either just let it roll off you or tell him to get lost.

Me too. Many people choose to only eat one meal a day and I feel much better doing it. I don’t know why it’s such a big drama to that poster tbh.

You daren't try shorts???

I do think you need to work on your self esteem, and maybe the fact that your boyfriend's comments are bothering you so much is a sign of this. (Rather than you just saying something like I'll eat it like this if I want to" and letting his comments roll off your back.)

By the way, I live in a hot climate. I am overweight and body conscious. But wearing shorts most of the year is mandatory for any comfort. There should be absolutely no reason for you not to wear shorts.

If you google lasagne and salad a whole load of photos come up with them on the same plate. Show your bf that it’s him who is unreasonable.

i just don’t think I suit them my legs rub together and I feel hotter tbh, I think my self esteem is ok for a mid life woman with in the throes of menopause but I don’t like wearing something that doesn’t suit me, more vanity than self esteem

If I wore short shorts my legs would rub together too! So I don't.

I disagree about vanity and self esteem. I think if you had enough self esteem you'd be more interested in wearing something comfortable than something that suits you.

Why are you ignoring the comments asking if he’s got form for criticising and controlling you in other ways?

I am not ignoring any comments I’m trying my best to keep up with them..I kinda of already know that this is not ok. What do you want me to say? I have already mentioned the jeans. Probably other examples but the original post wasn’t really about my entire relationship

Are you 12?

Oh god, flashbacks to my first hospital meal after birth: they served the side salad (strips of iceberg) ON TOP of the lasagne 😭 absolutely no chance of a separation of powers after that.

The only acceptable warm salad is the little hot nappy bag of lettuce that comes with tandoori chicken takeaway.

Well that is unpleasant on the basis he is (I assume) repeatedly putting his used fork in the whole bowl?

Obvs you aren’t being unreasonable here, but his reaction to how you choose to eat, is. None of his business….

You are probably right I hadn’t thought of it like that , but shorts defo are not comfy for a plus size girl, I like cool maxi dresses but did not have anything like that on that day. But I do prefer winter clothes if I’m being honest

It's really not odd to me at all. I'd totally do that. Much worse eating quirks out there. Ketchup has no earthly place on a roast or a steak for example. But that's just my opinion, and I wouldn't (openly 🤣) judge anyone for doing it. He's rude.

My response to all this would be, "Whose belly is this food going into? Whose arse and legs is this garment covering? That's right, mine." End of story.

Considering they share all sorts of bodily fluids, it’s not that outrageous.

This is weird. He may not like mixing hot and cold foods, but that's very much a personal preference, and he must know it. He's been living here for years now, you say? He works in hospitality? Then there's no way he hasn't encountered the phenomenon of, say, a jacket potato with salad. Or a burger with coleslaw.

It's strange negging behaviour, OP. That's my honest take. The fact that you feel obligated to eat the way he eats, when you don't even live together, is a bad sign. As is the fact that you've been together for three years but wouldn't feel comfortable keeping food in his house, or eating at a different time to him, when you work different shifts. You've fallen into a default of accommodating him, and I'm guessing it's because he kicks off and belittles you every time you deviate from his way of doing things.

That's worth paying attention to. It's not the healthiest, frankly. I've been in this sort of relationship. He's not overtly controlling. But somehow, you always end up doing what he wants. You always feel a little bit stupid, a little bit watched, a little bit walking on eggshells, and you don't know why. It's not good for anyone to live like that.

I understand what your saying

He’s disgusting eating straight from the bowl - like double dipping!
I’m happy with salad on my plate - why create more washing up if there’s room on the main plate? As for mixing hot and cold, uh there’s tons of dishes that do this.

Why are you with a man who behaves like this?

Someone posted you're both in your 50s.

By now you should recognise this behaviour for what it is.

Where is your self-worth if you allow him to behave like this?

He is not coming over as a nice man.

If DP started eating straight from the salad bowl, I might - accidentally of course - stab his hand with the salad fork. That is bloody revolting. I love cold salad with hot food. Fine if someone else doesn’t. Avert thine eyes. But at least I’m not inflicting my saliva coated cutlery on them. Bleurgh🤢

What does he think happens in your stomach? It doesn’t stay in little hot and cold areas.

He sounds like a really depressing negative person for you. If he doesn’t spark joy, (and it seems like he doesn’t) Marie Kondo would recommend you bin him off and only have things in your life that spark joy and make you happy. Plates of lasagne and salad for example.

also, this thread is reminding me of Yo Gabba Gabba ‘there’s a party in my tummy’