Criticised over my eating style

[Fernandez54]

Not sure how to explain this properly without it sounding petty/silly.

My partner does all of the cooking (we don’t live together), we tend to only eat once a day, usually late evening so by then I’m starving.

Last Night he made lasagne and a huge Greek salad which was in a big bowl. I proceeded to put some salad next to my lasagna, and he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

He is a different culture to me and does eat a little differently…but the point of the post is , I will eat how I want! I stood up for myself and he said I was over reacting, but it put me off my meal then, and I did feel a bit ‘told off’

AiBU to be cross about this ?

I used to work with a lot of Italians and they're very uptight about rules when it comes to food.

Indeed. The internet is awash with Italians being disgusted and horrified by others' perfectly inoffensive culinary habits. They need to get over themselves and realise that 'not how I prefer it' is not synonymous with 'disgusting'.

I always have my salad as a separate course,either before or after my main course. My dp has his at the same time. Neither is a better way of doing it-just different! Is your dp from a Mediterranean country, @Fernandez54? Or possibly French?

I grew up in an Arab country with an Arab parent and we happily put salad on the same plate as our hot food :/

'If I had left he would ignore me and not get in touch.'

and you refer to him as a partner

I would refer to him as not much of a boyfriend

and I have just seen your age, I thought you were about 19 !

He is Spanish

He's controlling, which doesn't bode well for a future together. I would think seriously about moving on.

Can’t believe you only eat once a day!!
He sounds wierd.

I wish I was 19 and yes I guess it does sound childish

To me, the salad-with-lasagne and the communal salad bowl are no big deal either way. BF may never has come across someone eating salad with hot food before, or been taught "Nobody ever does that" as part of his upbringing, when what is actually meant is "Nobody in our culture ever does that". All part of a cross-cultural relationship.

But I am wondering why OP only eats when BF eats, when they don't live together.

I think OP meant they only eat one meal a day together.

Yanbu, it’s your choice how you eat.

he got really cross, said why I am mixing hot and cold food together stating “that’s disgusting”

Telling anyone else that the way they arrange their food on their plate is "disgusting" is, well, disgusting.

Disgusting = eating from a communal bowl with your own fork (him), chewing with your mouth open, eating noisily, wolfing your food.

My friends Italian husband eats like this everything in separate dishes. I admit I just thought ail that washing up 😂

Typical Mumsnet - nothing to do with the OP's question.

It sounds like he’s a controlling, abusive dickhead to be honest.

Criticising your eating. Criticising your clothes. What else does he criticise and try to control?

Run like the wind. It doesn’t get better.

Just a thought, but table manners and familial mealtime rules are the sort of things that are drummed into us as children. Might it be that he berated you in the way his parents might have done for a mealtime faux-pas? Does he see the way he spoke to you as problematic in this instance - would have been as offended if it had been his mother talking to him or would he have accepted it as a correction? It's the use of the word disgusting that stands out to me as being used out of habit rather than an observation of something that (in my mind) could never be disgusting. It's not as if you had mushed it all together and had made a mess.
I know it doesn't make it right but I'd be inclined to dig further just to rule it out.

It doesn’t sound childish. It sounds abusive.

'we had the day off together as it was bank holiday.'

so did you stay in together all day ?

does he not buy in breakfast and lunch stuff for you
do you take buy in breakfast / lunch stuff for you

did you not go out at all ?
you could have had lunch out if you had, or you could have bought something for lunch

I would bet my house that if a male colleague or friend had done the same he’d have been able to restrain himself from commenting.

Maybe, but the way I read OP's second paragraph is:

• They don't live together
• BF does all the cooking
• Both of them only eat once a day, late at night

But then that makes me wonder what happens on the days when they don't see each other. So it's all a bit confusing.

Maybe he has sensory issues and hot and cold on same plate is anathema to him?

Only if you think that Greeks don't have pasta dishes like Pastitio where the only difference is using bucatini instead of lasagne sheets.

One of the best things is hot bechamel/cheese sauce as a dressing for cold salad.

Tough. She posted is it unreasonable. Yes, eating once a day is unreasonable.
That's answering a question that wasn't asked!
By the way it's not unreasonable to eat once a day if you want to.

Yes we stayed in as I was helping him paint the kitchen, and then his youngest daughter was coming over later on. I think a lot of Spanish eat late at night tbh. I’ve been to his family home and the norm seems to eat very late in the evening, as siesta is over lunch and the afternoon, it’s not uncommon to see Spanish families out very very late, so probably sleep in too 🤷‍♀️

Haha. I always make a big bowl of salad. I take what I want and put it on my plate, then DH has his straight out the bowl,. I dont think its ever occurred to either of us that the other is weird. Its just what we do. YANBU to feel told off and you're right. You can eat what you want on whatever plate you want. He's weird for making a thing out of it.