To ask what’s the most ridiculous injury you’ve given yourself?

[Fallinleaves]

I’ll start… 3 days ago I took a chunk out of my thumb whilst putting my socks on because I had a really rough toenail I hadn’t noticed. It’s like a paper cut but worse! Still hurts, still stings with everything that touches it 3 days on 😭. Please make me feel better….

Omg! This happened to me too! We discussed the odds of this injury, and I never imagined hearing of someone else it happened to. Mine was fucking sore and took a long time to heal!

Baked a loaf of bread with a hard crust and sliced my hand open on the edge of it.

As a child playing crazy golf - swung the club back nice and hard into the back of my own head.

At college got knocked off a chair by an Akro scaffolding pole that I hadn't secured and it hit my head. I must have a hard head as I was just a bit stunned.

Staggered downstairs at 6am to make a cup of tea and slipped off one turning stair - my ankle made a horrific noise and I wasn't sure if I was going to be sick or pass out. I tried shouting for DP but he was oblivious so ended up having to crawl up the stairs and dragged myself over the ottoman at the end of the bed to grab his foot as he was still snoring. He shot up in bed and screamed - I had long black hair at the time and he woke up to what looked like the woman out of the Ring clawing at his foot and whimpering.

As it was early and we didn't fancy a trip to A&E at such an ungodly hour, I necked two Ibuprofen with a half finished glass of rose I had by the bed, he got me a bag of frozen peas and we crashed out again, hoping it was just a sprain.

When we woke up again, my right ankle had swollen to such alarming proportions I had to go down the stairs on my backside for the inevitable hospital trip.

After being scolded for taking two Ibuprofen instead of one, had to have my foot manipulated several times because the x-ray wasn't quite right three times, and finally been told it was "just" a stable fracture requiring a boot, the doctor backed me out of the tiny consulting room we were in, swung me round in the wheelchair with my right foot on the outstretched bit right into a metal bin. Love the NHS, but bloody hell.

Also in the 90s, was being starved for surgery in hospital that kept being put back to accommodate emergencies - fair enough. Pre mobile days of course, so my Mum rang the ward to see how it was going. Went to the nurses desk, managed to say "hello" and the next thing I know I'm being brought round on the floor as I'd passed out and gone down hard. Funnily enough the surgery happened pretty quickly after that, but I went home with a stonking black eye.

Managing to drop a cereal bowl right on my big toe nail whilst putting it away from the dishwasher. Ended up bruised black and blue and having to have a minor op and the nail falling off 🙄😌🫣 I still get anxiety now unloading the dishwasher if I am not wearing slippers for some added protection 😂…

I could honestly be here forever. Random injuries are my forte. 🙈😁

Some of my “best” ones:

I was walking past a bookcase in my hallway. Caught my little toe in the spine of a large hardback book that was lying on its side and ended up breaking it.

Had a couple of wines at the cinema, decided to run quickly to the loo, forgot about the steps at the end of the aisle and ended up flat on my back on the ground. Thought I had just twisted my ankle so just strapped myself up and rested it. It now aches badly whenever it’s raining outside and I’m actually convinced I probably broke something in my foot and really should have gone to get it checked out.

As a teen I had a shelf over my bed with a metal reading lamp on it. I caught the cable and pulled it down onto my head, causing a huge dent in the bridge of my nose.

The same part of my nose was already slightly injured after an accident during shooting lessons on a residential camp while at school but nothing to do with the actual shooting of the gun. It was some sort of rifle and you had to fold it to prime it or something (it was over 30 years ago now so I can’t remember the exact details) but as I folded it I whacked it off my face.

I also once closed a door hinge onto my nipple. I’ve never ever felt pain like I did with that one.

The night I met DH he was walking me home, I tripped over my own feet and fell onto the road, scraping a large part of my elbow right across the tarmac. I knew DH was a keeper that first night as he actually picked me up and looked after me. He should have known it was a sign of things to come. 🤣

Edited to add one more: I was an adult and sitting backwards on a chair in my parents’ dining room. I fell off the chair backwards, broke the chair and whacked my head hard off the doorframe so had to go get checked out at hospital. The doctor thought my story was so funny he called in all his colleagues to hear how I had injured myself. 🙈

Set my hair on fire at a birthday party when I was 6. We were all leaning over to get close to the cake. I was the best at leaning.

I had long black hair at the time and he woke up to what looked like the woman out of the Ring clawing at his foot and whimpering.

I know I shouldn’t laugh but …

Just remembered another one. At a local nightclub I levered myself up on the edge of the bar to give the barman, who we knew well, a friendly peck on the cheek. Dropped myself down so the bar edge went right under my ribs and winded me badly. The pain was worse than childbirth.

Laugh away, we dined out on that one for ages 😁

I tripped over yarn I was detangling when I went to answer the phone. Broke my ankle in 3 places, dislocated it too, plus sliced right through to the bone with the acrylic yarn - “like cheese wire!” the surgeon said afterwards!

I was in hospital for 10 days and in plaster for 8 weeks.

I still knit though!

Pulling at a dogwood root, as I was doing it I was telling myself "you know what's going to happen" but I still did it. My arse was sore and it's saved on my cctv for posterity. On the cctv whilst struggling to get up you can see my cat looking away without the slightest bit of concern.

Snorting with laughter over just the first page, love this thread 😂

I somehow managed to get a raw grain of rice stuck, vertically, down behind a finger nail. Omg it was sooooo painful for days ..

New puppy had done a wee on the kitchen floor, stepped over to it grab the mob. Fell in the piss and couldn’t walk without pain for 3 days 😀

I will be here all day but here is a few off top of my head
Went to grab something from the top shelf of fridge but feet skid out from under me and I slipped scraping my under arm the full length of the fridge freezer causing a hematoma then wedged myself between the fridge and door so my kids and nephew had to run out front door come through back door to unwedge me and pick me up off floor 😆
Next I was pissing about and did a small kick action and all of a sudden I was looking at the kitchen ceiling, my knee had gone from under me causing another haematoma under my bum cheek down my leg this time my best friend was laughing her head off ,
Next I was taking my horse 18HH back into her stable and took a step back she mimicked me but stood on my foot but instead of moving her off my foot like an idiot I pulled my foot out because I panicked cue burst tissue in foot and ligament damage .
Next was sat on sofa daughter screams mum there's a spider crawling up your leg cue me jumping up in fright forgetting I have just laid new flooring and there was a spare plank on the floor that I manage to step on that slipped sideways I land on my side trapping my wrist breaking my radius and scaphoid bones .
Majorca break little toe banging it on mental leg pole but Greece was worse I slipped off a stone step going up causing my foot to jerk forward kicking said stone step breaking my big toe in 3 places ! Oh and to top it all off I broke my scaphoid bone again a few years later . One could say I'm accident prone these are just off top of my head theres loads more haha

Burnt my eyelid with my own cigarette when I was in college and getting ready for a night out. Drinking, smoking and singing to myself in the mirror. Eyes closed, hands waving (a la Mariah Carey) forgot i was still holding a lit cigarette and buurrnnn.

It would have been worse if I had my eyes open I suppose.

I don't smoke anymore but do still sing to myself in the mirror

I've lost count of the number of times I've put my back out doing the most innocuous things. I have Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction, and usually get an "episode" every 12 to 18 months for some reason. One time I lifted an empty plastic washing basket off the bed and that was it. Another time I was standing on a kitchen step to get a rogue plate of mince pies off a shelf, turned ever so slightly, and was stuck there in agony until my ExDH decided I wasn't being a drama queen and got off his computer. Twat.

A few weeks ago, I ran to the corner shop to catch it before closing. Brushed a hair away from face...forgot I wasn't wearing my specs and poked myself in the eye.

Shop assistant: "What have you done to your eye? It's full of blood!"

Eep.

Shredded all the tendons and ligaments in my ankle standing on a piece of lego 🤣

Accidentally stabbed myself in the sternum with a pencil after walking into a door, causing a permanent tattoo.

Not really an injury as such but I stuck my eye closed when I mistook nail glue for my eye drops.
i slammed the door on mils hand years ago and I still get shudders when I saw the blood drain from her face. Ds asked me for ages after why I had bought Nannie’s fingers in the door 😢

Name changed for this as I don’t think anyone else has ever done this so hugely identifiable.

I came home from a night out once and was unsteady cleaning my teeth so went to rest my elbow on the sink but slipped and punched myself in the face. My toothbrush went straight through what I now know is called my upper lip frenulum and it completely split sort of separating my lip from the gum. I panicked and googled if I needed an ambulance but apparently not so I just went to bed and it took me a minute or two to remember when I woke up to a sink full of blood and a sore face!

I have also cut my hand with my toe nails putting on socks OP.

Cat had got a cooked sausage and was trailing it up the stairs. Was trying to get it off her because of the grease and she bit straight through my finger probably thinking it was the sausage. Jeez that was painful, as was the tetanus.

So, typical terraced house, at the top of the stairs you step up one to go to the front bedroom, and the same to go to the back bedroom. I was coming from the front bedroom to the back, feeling spritely I decided to dispense with the step down/up bit, and just skip over the void. Which would have been fine had i not been wearing a long straight denim skirt. As seems blatantly obvious now my leading leg didn't reach the far side of the void. I faceplanted the left side of the door frame, bounced off and hit my head on the (very sharp) shoe cupboard on the right side of the doorway.....
End result was two black eyes, hairline fracture of the eye socket, split top lip and eyebrow, both which still bear the scars.
Kept my front teeth somehow 😬

Okay Sideshow Bob!