To have thrown away some of daughters stuff?

[yourenotkidding]

daughter left home for university in 2016. She came back for 18 months in 2020. Then she left in 2021 and hasn’t been home since. She has lived abroad ever since. When she left, if you were to look at her bedroom, it would look as if she had just popped to the bathroom. She did not clear anything away and the place was a shit tip. Over the last few days I have been through everything that was left here and I’ve thrown away about four bin bags worth of rubbish. Everything that is important has been left here stored under her Ottoman bed. She’s currently in Australia and told me on our last phone call that she had no plans to ever come back. I still feel bad for binning some of her crap. Talk me down.

Sentimental stuff doesn't go in the bin OP

Out of date make up etc, yes absolutely. But some stuff gets saved for a reason. Stuff in a box could have been put away or sent over there.

Ignore all the hoarders and carry on. How ridiculous she clearly doesn’t want any of it

Do you know what’s lost on people here - she is the least sentimental person I know! Things have been shoved under the bed out of laziness. I know her. I get that won’t come across here/,

Are you cross with her because she's said she's not coming back, so did a bit fuck you on her room? I can guess that it stung a bit.

So why are you feeling bad about it then? Just don't think about it anymore. You don't even need to say anything.

You were the one that posted that you feel bad for binning it!!!

It's very rare I go back & change my vote, but I just did.

That's not stuff you throw away! It's not rubbish, it's her history. Moreover, she's your daughter - why would you WANT to?

There has to be more to this cos you sound cold AF

Erm, not angry no. But definitely overwhelmed by all if the “stuff”. There’s stuff in the garage too, like a desk, chair, more kitchen appliances.

Oof yeah those aren't just random pieces of crap. If you're happy with what you've done then I don't really know why you made this post. I wouldn't have done it personally and I do think you are unreasonable to throw things like that away

Your posts don't make any sense and completely contradict each other 🙄

So you're keeping stuff that's taking up a shit load of space but throwing away her personal memories?? That sounds very cold and cruel.

So you kept old socks and threw out her childhood memories... No, that poster is right, you did this in anger didn't you?
I'll repeat, can you get it back?

Let me guess, you’ve never had a child move abroad (for good), and leave a lifetime of stuff in your home, that you’re meant to store until you die, meaning you can’t use that bedroom ever again (say for a guest room/dressing room or heaven forbid, hanging your own clothes).

Oh come on OP, you can store her personal memories somewhere AND use the room 🙄

You're getting very defensive even though your op said you felt bad? You clearly don't.

We moved house in 2017. DDs were 11 & 12. We moved somewhere with altogether less space so I explained it’d have to be stored in their rooms do what did they want to keep in terms of stuff from school etc. Not much as it turned out. They weren’t far enough removed from it to sentimental about it.

SHE might not want them - but why don't YOU? The things you've mentioned are exactly what I've kept in my DC's memory boxes. I love going through them every now and again.

I actually think you’re fair enough OP, as a very unsentimental person. I’d go further and get rid of the clothes, kitchen stuff, makeup, desk etc as well. The only things I’d keep would be jewellery, any heirlooms and any particular books or artwork she liked.

She’s an adult who’s basically just dumped looking after all her stuff on you - she was really really out of order to move abroad and leave her room like a tip in the first place. When I moved out after I’d finished uni at 21 my parents had emptied and redecorated my room within days - I left two boxes, neatly packed and out the way, and I collected them a year later. Anything that was precious to me was my responsibility to sort and store, not my parents. Funnily enough my 25m swimming certificate from 1991, my brownie sash of badges and a huge folder of childish paintings I had no memory of or feeling of connection to was not important enough for me to keep at my house so why should they keep it at theirs?!

Oh no!! I would have got rid of the clothes and shoes and old make up.

the certificates is really sad :( :(

YABU to feel bad about binning unimportant stuff.

YANBU to feel upset she won't be coming back.

Take photos of her room the way it is, both for posterity and to ask your daughter what if anything she wants stored. Give her a limit, like two boxes or something.

I know when I moved away for uni, and didn't come back, my mum felt somewhat the same, although I had already given up my room to my brother so it was stuff she had put away in the loft or under the bed. By that time, I had forgotten what was there, and no I had no intention of ever looking at the lever arch folders of French A level stuff.

Bin all the toiletries. Maybe box up the sentimental stuff in Primary/Secondary/Uni/Recreational, and then ask her about it. But you must have a limit to stick to!

Or just get rid of it all if you know she won't care.

Depends on your daughter. My mum saved all that stuff for me and I'm not interested, I guess because I lived it. I have spent the last few years discreetly getting rid of it all.

I save those things now but for me really, my children aren't really interested in the box of nursery drawings etc. I like them though.

I went to uni- came back home at Xmas and all
my chikdhood had been binned and my room was like a guest room.

I’ve kept almost nothing from my children’s early childhood, beyond photos, videos, a couple of cards they made, a couple of particular pieces of artwork and their school reports. It fits in a single drawer in my bedside table. I derive no joy from looking at old clothes or certificates for “star of the week” or the scrappy painting they did at nursery when they were 3. Different people value different things and I don’t value “stuff”. Photos on the other hand I do value, which given I’ve got tens of thousands of them is just as well. I also have a long and regularly updated document of funny things they said, which brings me joy. There’s nothing wrong with OP not wanting loads of physical momentoes.

Just tell her you’re cleaning out stuff from her room. My dm insisted on giving me everything she’d hoarded from primary school. I’ve binned the lot, but I can imagine some people might want to keep some stuff for the memories.

no of course not, you know she doesn’t care about that stuff. Clothes, creams and all that crap can go too. Perhaps chat to her first about it. Anything you think is special and she will want to keep pop in a
box. Don’t let the stuff ruin your quality of life. The stuff in the garage can go too. But do chat to her, doesn’t sound like it will be an issue though? X