AIBU to expect relatives to learn to spell and use DDs name?

[Bella5C]

my Dd is almost 2. I am a single parent with grown up children as well. Dd doesn’t know her biological father. He’s not in the picture. However, his family are. They see her weekly/fortnightly or less if they’re on holiday or have medical issues.
Dd has an Irish spelt name. It’s probably one of the harder ones to spell/pronounce. I love it, I learned immediately how to spell it. I have no concerns that she will struggle. As far as I’m concerned once you know how to spell it, you know? People still spell my name and my grown up kids names wrong so I look at it like, with it being quite a unique name, you are going to learn it so you’re not getting it completely wrong.
my Issue is that her relatives (not mine) refuse to learn how to spell it and just refer to her as ‘the wee one’. I easily picked up on this in their texts and didn’t think too much of it. Accepted it really, but then, her Grandmother said to me ‘oh he (her partner) saw a woman holding a child at the end of the road and stopped and said he thought it was Bella5C and the wee one’
she obviously heard herself as she then said to me when leaving, I call her the wee one because I don’t know how to spell her name? AIBU to assume she doesn’t like her name and is refusing to use it? I can understand not spelling it in a text if you think you’ll spell it wrong but to not say her name out loud and use that excuse is surely, a load of crap? Just looking for opinions really, although I may eventually say something?

Because i was trying to understand how a word that looks totally unpronounceable to me is deemed to be phonetically straightforward? I didn't think this would elicit such a rude reply but perhaps you're having a bad day.

This is what happens when you give your child a name that is unusual or difficult to spell. This will happen all her life. My husband is 58 and still has to spell his name to people that pronounce it wrong. Our son’s name has three letters and my friend and sister in law still manage to spell it wrong.

No, it's rude. My name (possibly outing) is Jocelyn but one of my aunts calls me Josh, and one Joyce. It's really not that hard to say a name once you've been told how to.

I was friends at university with a Caoimhe and although I'd never heard the name before, once she told me how it was pronounced and spelled I always got it correct. It's really not that hard! Beautiful name btw

So did she pronounce it Keeva, like the OP, but different to other posters?

It is a phonetic language though @Lifestooshort71, particularly within the dialects.
An Irish speaker, who had somehow never happened to come across the name Caoimhe before, would know how to pronounce it from the spelling alone.

There are rules governing the spelling/pronunciation and not too many exceptions. You just don’t know the rules so it seems strange.
It’s a lovely language (not biased at all here 😉)

I'm just like @Pomegranatecarnage mum. I'm fine to pronounce anything I've heard as I'll just copy what Ive heard (& remember it), but if I've seen it written down I can't get myhead around how it's not pronounced in the way its written.

I really struggle with this & I think its because I 'think' in words. My pronunciation is terrible most of the time with any words that you don't say as they are written (quay being an example - as i dont get how its 'key' as its not spelt like that).

I'm not an awful person & I try really hard to remember how to prounce something but it's really really difficult for me once I've seen it written down to pronounce it properly and not how it's spelt.

School WhatsApp groups, colleagues who I email but don't speak to etc are a nightmare as I can't unsee their name written down if it's prounounced differently to how it's spelt.

Ive had to put a couple of my DCs friends parents in my phone as how I would spell their name rather than than actual spelling to help me remember it (ie fay-be-ann, rather than Fabian) so I don't offend anyone.

Keeva, yes.

@SlightlyFurther yes exactly, coz they're all phonetic.

I've always felt quite sad for another friend who is a Mairi (Scottish) but has had to change her name to Vari on LinkedIn and generally professionally as nobody gets it right even when told repeatedly that's how it's pronounced. Do people not realise words have different pronunciations

Depends where in Ireland

I've seen that name before and heard it pronounced "KEE-vuh" like you pronounce it. I can't spell it but if I had a friend or relative with that name I'd learn quickly.

As is Irish.

Don’t be ridiculous. I am not at all racist. Over sensitive!

Just came to agree that Caoimhe can be pronounced as Keeva, I'm in NI and everyone I know called Caoimhe pronounces it that way, I find that it's more people from South of Ireland that pronounce Queeva, but neither way is wrong, just different variations in Irish pronunciation depending on area.

Not the same as not as complicated but my DD used to be called something like “little princess” when she was little by my older relatives - it was so often/common that my other relatives thought that was her actual name.

Maybe it’s just a loving nickname that stuck. Is she the youngest in the family?

Thank you, it certainly sounds beautiful 😁

Here in Brum some people will often refer to even their own grandchild as “the babby”, it’s not personal (I think it’s nice!). I get that her comment makes it seem like that’s not what’s going on here but I wouldn’t have thought twice about this I don’t think.

I don't think it's anti Irish at all, it's common sense that if you live in England people are going to struggle to pronounce a name that uses completely different sounds.

It’s not the easiest name but in the 5 minutes it took me to read this thread I’ve got the spelling and two different ways of pronouncing it cracked. It’s not really hard with a bit of effort.

@Wafflesandstrawberries
That's so strange...my language is Latin, so I can obviously 'read out' the other Latin languages. But also languages of my friends, be they German, Danish, or Russian/Polish/Ukrainian (when written in European script).

Similarly my Ukrainian and Russian friends can 'read out' my language and other Latin ones too.

But for the life of us none of us can do that with Irish, and some of us have been here a while...

(I know, self deprecation, but it makes me think, the average IQ is 100, we may be on the wrong side of that 🤣.)

I’m Irish and you’re not pronouncing Caoimhe correctly.

You just don’t know what sounds the letters represent, that’s all it is. And why would you know them? You are being very hard on yourself! 😅

eg aoi = sound made by ee in English approximately
mh = sound made by v in English approx

So Caoimhe becomes simpler to decipher.

I have an unusual name but nowhere near as difficult as Irish names to spell and say. People get it wrong constantly. But I realise that people are busy and have their own problems to deal with. They also have different capabilities with language and spelling. So it doesn’t bother me (although I do congratulate strangers when they get it right! 😀). Assuming others should centre your daughter’s name in this way is tbh a bit self obsessed, and all things considered it’s not really as important as you think it is. You gave her a really difficult name, you must use known that she’s going to have a lifetime of this. For your own sanity, I suggest you try to chill about it and encourage your daughter to do the same. If I spent my life getting angry about people getting my name wrong I’d stress myself into early grave; it happens most weeks!

Thanks to everyone for joining the discussion. I’ve read them all and I certainly knew when I picked her name what we were in for and as my OP, my other kids names are quite often spelt wrong as is mine so I felt that maybe it being so unique, it might actually be spelt correctly more often than not because you’re googling it if you haven’t commited it to memory. That being said, I just feel like immediate family should make an effort to know how to say it/ spell it. If she’s genuinely struggling, she’s preferring to stick to the nickname and that’s fine but she won’t be wee forever. It’s been almost 2 years, if she doesn’t like it, it doesn’t really matter as it is her name and that’s that!